Public Jackson memorial to be held at Staples Center Tuesday

(USA Today)


















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Public Jackson memorial to be held at Staples Center Tuesday = States deeply mourns ineluctable problematic Jacko's death.

(by Pinchas Aronas)

Pet python strangles toddler

(BBC News)


















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Pet python strangles toddler = Serpent throttled spongy lad

(by Pinchas Aronas)

Iran Dismisses Vote-Fraud Claims

(The Wall Street Journal)


















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Iran Dismisses Vote-Fraud Claims = Mousavi claims: Disaster, friends!

(by Pinchas Aronas)

The 2009 BET Awards: A Tribute To MJ

(Yahoo! Music)


















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A Tribute To Michael Jackson = America to blithe Jacko-nuts

(by Pinchas Aronas)

Madoff reduced to nothing

(CNN)


















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Madoff reduced to nothing = Good! Handcuff time, rodent! = Got handcuffed, monitored.

(by Dharam)

Powerful ex-President Rafsanjani remains quiet in election fallout

(CNN)


















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Powerful ex-President Rafsanjani remains quiet in election fallout = Past inadequate ruler not in line of complex affair; just reins new lie

(by Pinchas Aronas)

Stoned wallabies make crop circles

(Yahoo! News)


















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Stoned wallabies make crop circles = Come back, practised Roswell aliens!

(by Dharam)

Top Iranian legislative body declares election fair

(Reuters)


















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Top Iranian legislative body declares election fair = Repeating: Leader rectified. Basically, no violations

(by Pinchas Aronas)

Brain scans show how hypnosis can paralyze a limb

(Yahoo! News)


















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Brain scans show how hypnosis can paralyze a limb = Physicians analyze how brainwash lobs on cramps.

(by Squidrock.com)

Monkey urinates on Zambian president

(Yahoo! News)


















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Monkey urinates on Zambian president = Enzyme intrusion on Pres. Banda at mike

(by Dharam)

German Jews Horrified by Britney Holocaust Role

(ABC News)


















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German Jews Horrified by Britney Holocaust Role = Lo, Trashy babe worries genocide film jury: "Not her!"

(by Squidrock.com)

Los Alamos fastest computer in world

Los Alamos fastest computer in world

(KDBC 4 News)


















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Los Alamos supercomputer remains fastest in world = We claim topmost Roadrunner almost surpasses life!

(by Dharam)

Iran protests: phone footage gives brutality a worldwide audience

The Guardian)


















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Iran protests: phone footage gives brutality a worldwide audience = ...and now I see -- as little brother put up every wrong of a sad, idiotic age.

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

700 NYC teachers are paid to do nothing

(Yahoo! News)


















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Seven hundred New York City teachers are paid to do nothing = Red-inky Tenured ride; Saying proven: Those who cant do, teach.

(by Squidrock.com)

Investigators probe capital's worst subway crash

(AP)


















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Investigators probe capital's worst subway crash = Bravest cops rap out - "It was big, worst clash in years!"

(by Pinchas Aronas)

Obama draws guffaws after cracking wise at correspondents' dinner

(New York Daily News)


















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Obama draws guffaws after cracking wise at correspondents' dinner = New pres tries comic act: "Boffo-graded!" "Stark...and funnier'n W's war!" "A gas!"

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Iran arrests hundreds in clashes

(AP)


















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Iran arrests hundreds in clashes = Tehran-crisis, rules and hardness

(by Pinchas Aronas)

T-Mobile plans July launch of new Google phone

(USA Today)


















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T-Mobile plans July launch of new Google phone = One hopeful cell lamely gunning at Jobs'... whoop.

(by Squidrock.com)

Simon Cowell 'Made Mistakes' with Susan Boyle

(People)


















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Simon Cowell 'Made Mistakes' with Susan Boyle = Boss: Yes, we almost killed the woman musician

Simon Cowell 'Made Mistakes' with Susan Boyle = I know she seemed ill on a cam, but it was my loss

(by Dharam)

Obama: Fathers play important role in kids' lives

(The Seattle Times)


















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Obama: Fathers play important role in kids' lives = Pres. (advisor): Illation - both parents make family

(by Pinchas Aronas)