Cash-strapped Cuba says toilet paper running short

(Yahoo! News)

















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Cash strapped Cuba says toilet paper running short = Report part appals: Hand those crying Cubans tissue!

(by Squidrock.com)

Busted: Statue's a Dead Ringer for Jacko

(NBC Chicago)

















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The old Egyptian limestone statue at Chicago's Field Museum = Tut? Nay, I must get a glimpse of deceased Michael's hot outline!

(by Adie Pena)

Abdul Walks Off Television's Biggest Stage

(The New York Times)

















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Abdul: I'm out of here! = Her fume about Idol

(by Adie Pena)

Swine flu won't mean school's out, federal guidelines say

(Los Angeles Times)

















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Swine flu won't mean school's out = Awful to whom? Lessons continue!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Guantanamo ex-prisoners get jobs on golf course

(Yahoo! News)

















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Guantanamo ex-prisoners get jobs on golf course = Anxious persons object to glare of gang; some run.

(by Dharam)

Miley Cyrus stalker Mark McLeod arrested again after cops found him near the singer's home

(New York Daily News)

















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Stalker of Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus arrested = That terror, an insane Mark McLeod, surely has fantasy!

(by Adie Pena)

Twitter hit by denial-of-service attack

(CNN)

















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Twitter hit by denial-of-service attack = Halt to creativity, friend? Tweet is back!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Researchers identify cells that say 'scratch me'

(Yahoo! News)

















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Researchers identify cells that say 'scratch me' = Defeats thy critical sty... Cancer here's 'harmless'

(by Squidrock.com)

Obamas make Vanity Fair best-dressed list; Angelina Jolie doesn't make cut, Brad Pitt remains

(Star Tribune)

















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Vanity Fair Magazine's "International Best-Dressed List" = Nets interest; seen as trivializing Obama and First Lady.

(by Adie Pena)

U.S. eyes Russian submarines off East Coast

(CNN)

















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Russian submarines in place off East Coast of the US = As boss Putin can almost see in Sarah's future office

(by Dharam)

King salmon vanishing in Alaska, smokehouses empty

(Yahoo! News)

















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King salmon vanishing in Alaska, smokehouses empty = Many kinsmen have shooting skills, make soups again.

(by Dharam)

Doctors baffled by Indian village of over 200 sets of twins

(Yahoo! News)

















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Doctors baffled by Indian village of over two hundred sets of twins = Bold Cross-eyed boffo newswriter: "Nth dual native!" Vigilant: "Odds off".

(by Squidrock.com)

Katherine Jackson Made Permanent Guardian of Michael's Kids

(ABC News)

















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Katherine Jackson is made the permanent guardian = Hand MJ kids to a genuine caretaker: his parent. Amen.

(by Adie Pena)

Bill Clinton arrives in N. Korea

(BBC News)

















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Bill Clinton arrives in N. Korea = Rein in villains, break control!

(by Dharam)

Roger Daltrey plots rare North American solo tour

(Yahoo! News)

















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Roger Daltrey plots rare North American solo tour = Strong repertoire or a strut really can hold a room!

(by Dharam)

Manager denies Russell Crowe British pub ban

(Yahoo! News)

















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Banned from The Brickmakers in Windlesham, Surrey = Bare minimum, the brash Crowe frankly needs drinks.

(by Adie Pena)

First Swine Flu Death in India

(The Wall Street Journal)

















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First Swine Flu Death in India = I first infant. (New Delhi: Aid us!)

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Michael Jackson's dermatologist makes last-ditch objection to custody award

(The Times)

















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Dermatologist makes objection to custody award = No, beauty doctor was related to MJ's magic kids, too!

(by Adie Pena)

RP press hail Aquino, 'icon of democracy'

(Inquirer)


















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'The icon of democracy is gone.' = Emotions of aching cede: "Cory!"

(by Adie Pena)

Clashes at Iran memorial services

(BBC News)


















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Clashes at Iran memorial services = Re: Violence: alarm, this is massacre!

(by Aronas Pinchas)