India loses communication with lunar satellite

(Yahoo! News)

















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India loses communication with lunar satellite = Aliens called: "Location is within a Triton museum."

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Fans party on Jackson's birthday

(BBC News)

















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Jackson's birthday = Jacko's hits & brandy

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Jackson's Death Ruled a Homicide

(The New York Times)

















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A mixture of the powerful anesthetic propofol and the anti-anxiety drug lorazepam = A new potent potion or fatal formula, their extra drug fixes zapped you then, Michael.

(by Adie Pena)

Father's fury over children's 'pornographic' sweet wrappers

(Daily Mail)

















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The 'pornographic' sweet wrappers = Proper parent grew hot! ("Chew? I pass!")

(by Adie Pena)

Tens of thousands pay final respects to Kennedy

(VOA News)

















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Tens of thousands pay final respects to Kennedy = Present dead son's not shot, a flunky typefaces in.

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Tropical storm watch in North Carolina as Danny approaches

(CNN)

















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Tropical storm watch in North Carolina as Danny approaches = Dare a procrastinator wait nonchalantly on his camp's porch? = Oh, how can a captain act so calmly in sharp raindrop torrents?

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Palestinians must unite for talks, U.N. chief says

(Washington Post)

















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Palestinians must unite for talks, U.N. chief says = It's unfunny! Speak to the Israelis & us in calm. Fast!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Too tall player sparks fan violence

(Yahoo! News)

















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Basketball player Hu Guang = Ah, unspeakably tall bugger!

(by Adie Pena)

Elderly have their own worries on health overhaul

(AP)

















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Elderly have their own worries on health overhaul = We've heard Hitler's in Town Hall, Lee -- have you? Horror!

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Senator Edward Kennedy dies after losing brain cancer battle

(Bild)

















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The U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy = Death? Yes, send undertaker now.

(by Adie Pena)

Proceed with CIA Abuse Cases

(Boston Globe)

















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Proceed with CIA abuse cases = A power bias ices the accused

(by Richard Radford)

Playboy model murder suspect found dead

(Xinhua)

















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Murder suspect Ryan Jenkins = Preyed 'n' struck Jasmine... Runs.

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Coroner rules Jackson's death a homicide

(MSNBC)

















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L.A. coroner rules Jackson's death a homicide = Aha! Or could he see old injection mark scars?

(by Adie Pena)

Latest in Stimulus: Cash for Refrigerators

(Yahoo! News)

















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Latest in stimulus: Cash for refrigerators = Left stirs rumors: fatal ice shortages, ruin.

(by Squidrock.com)

Wildfires rage around Athens

(ITN)

















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More wildfires rage around Athens = Flames worsen in dire drought area

(by Tony Crafter)

Ministers defend Megrahi release

(BBC News)

















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Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi = As a Big Allah liberated me!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Economy Is 'Leveling Out,' Bernanke Says

(Washington Post)

















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Economy Is 'Leveling Out,' Bernanke Says = Yes, elite banks also uncovering money

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Conservatives mull future after ELCA lifts gay ban

(Yahoo! News)

















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Evangelical Lutheran Church of America lifts gay ban = Are they having a real bunch of actual flaming clerics?

(by Adie Pena)

'Deal in the desert' put Abdel Baset Ali al-Megrahi on path to freedom

(The Times)

















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Lockerbie bomber Abdel Baset Ali al-Megrahi is released. = Albeit, scheme seals a Blair-brokered mega oil-deal bribe?

(by Tony Crafter)

Hurricane Bill reaches Category Four strength

(CNN)

















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Hurricane Bill reaches Category Four strength = 'He' can generate horrible circular frothy gusts.

(by Dharam Khalsa)