Woman's Shattered Life Shows Ground Beef Inspection Flaws

(The New York Times)

















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Cargill's "American Chef's Selection Angus Beef Patties" = Meanest E. coli in classic burger affects gal Stephanie

(by Adie Pena)

On Comedy's Flying Trapeze

(The New York Times)

















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A "Monty Python's Flying Circus" Reunion = = Only chumps continuing in forty years!

(by Adie Pena)

The Case for God by Karen Armstrong

(The New York Times)

















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The Case for God by Karen Armstrong = Rock of Ages -- grander myth or absent?

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

John McCain's mission: a GOP makeover

(Politico)

















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John McCain's mission: a GOP makeover = Improving a mass joke: come on -- cash in!

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Papandreou Extends Family Dynasty With Greek Election Victory

(Bloomberg)

















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The socialist leader George Papandreou = Oh, so popular as great, elite dad in Greece.

(by Adie Pena)

Tsunami flood captured on video

(Yahoo! News)

















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Tsunami flood captured on video = An outside proof, valid document

(by Aronas Pinchas)

David Letterman Had Affair with CBS Late Show Staff

(Associated Content)

















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Made wild love then with star at... = "Late Show with David Letterman"

(by Adie Pena)

Former DA admits he lied in 'Roman Polanski: Wanted And Desired' film

(New York Daily News)

















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'Roman Polanski: Wanted And Desired' = No, a kid was old man's partner indeed!

(by Adie Pena)

Throat infection may have brought down T. rex

(Los Angeles Times)

















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Throat infection may have brought down T. rex = Hot, minty carnivore breath -- food? Ug! What next?

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

'So You Think You Can Dance' flash: contestant exposes herself on national TV

(New York Daily News)

















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'So You Think You Can Dance' flash: contestant exposes herself on national TV = Heh, look at FOX channel's nasty uncut video of a nasty pantiless scene (or not?)

(by Dharam Khalsa)

British Government Considers Mandating Plastic Pint Glasses

(Lowering the Bar)

















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British Government Considers Mandating Plastic Pint Glasses = Scrapping violent ministers getting smashed in Scotland bars.

(by Adie Pena)

African python threat growing in Florida

(Fox News)

















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African python threat growing in Florida = Worry of charging reptilian? Ha!! Don't faint!

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Prospects for public option dim in Senate

(Washington Post)

















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Prospects for public option dim in Senate = Fine, Punt socialism; PPO docs no better - R.I.P.

(by S.C. MacDorman)

Iran warns Israel of "last breath" if it attacks

(Reuters)

















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Iran warns Israel of "last breath" if it attacks = Start no first at Asia as Tehran will fire back

(by Aronas Pinchas)

'The Beautiful Life': Fall's First Canceled Show

(Yahoo! TV)

















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'The Beautiful Life': Fall's First Canceled Show = A scene's cut; it all will be shuffled off the air

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Movie-maker Polanski Arrested in Switzerland

(ABC News)

















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Movie-Maker Polanski Arrested In Switzerland = Wilder, more evil, man-size, stark-naked rapist? (No.)

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Storm Ondoy batters Luzon

(Inquirer)

















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As Tropical Storm Ondoy batters Luzon = Lotsa instant crazy outdoor problems!

(by Adie Pena)

Largest hoard of Anglo-Saxon treasure found in UK

(Yahoo! News)

















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English amateur Terry Herbert = Brethren, real mighty treasure!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

UBS to tell Americans if they are on IRS list

(Washington Post)

















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UBS to tell Americans if they are on IRS list = Use cash to flee into Syria - brilliant terms!

(by S.C. MacDorman)

Obama Takes On Letterman

(Washington Post)

















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Obama Takes On Letterman = Toast one marketable man!

(by Aronas Pinchas)