Pete Doherty fined for taking drugs to court

(Yahoo! News)

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Heroin?! It's a stupid crime by the... = ... British musician Pete Doherty!

(by Adie Pena)

Book publishers embrace Apple's iPad

(The Australian)

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Book publishers embrace Apple's iPad = E-mail popped up so: "Bash BlackBerries!"

(by Mark McNamara)

Susan Boyle comes home to find an intruder

(People)

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Susan Boyle comes home to find an intruder = but, sadly, found no one there; "I miss romance!"

(by Dharam Khalsa)

London Mayor Boris Johnson to drop policing role

(Reuters)

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London's Mayor Boris Johnson to drop policing role = O! Jolly blond hero's (or moron's) grand opinions cop it!

(by Maurice Goddard)

New Michael Jackson doll to be launched

(Financial Times)

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New Michael Jackson doll to be launched = All can cuddle Jacko now! He's mobile then?

(by Maurice Goddard)

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New Michael Jackson doll to be launched Child can blow/tune lean Jacko's model, eh

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Is Britain becoming more conservative?

(The Daily Telegraph)

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Is Britain becoming more conservative? = Viva Tories! Big Ben is nice to Mr Cameron.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Britons feared dead in Ethiopian Airlines plane crash

(BBC News)



















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Ethiopian Airlines plane crash = Oh, in an airship all rest in peace!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

'Chemical Ali' executed in Iraq

(BBC News)

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Ali Hassan al-Majid 'Chemical Ali' executed in Iraq = Quit a jail animal. Criminal leech! As acid, he's axed!

(by Maurice Goddard)

SAG-gy Bullock and Basterds

(The Sun)

















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SAG-gy Bullock and Basterds = By gad! Gal tends bulk Oscars!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Photographers protest against terror law discrimination

(Daily Mail)

















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"Mass Photo Gathering" = Sharp men "shoot" at gig!

(by Adie Pena)

Should we tell jokes about gays and lesbians? BBC asks the nation.

(The Times)

















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Should we tell jokes about gays and lesbians? BBC asks the nation. = Stabs absolutely ached! Baboons laugh at lewd jest on kinkiness!

(by Maurice Goddard)

'Hope For Haiti Now: A Global Benefit For Earthquake Relief'

(MTV)

















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'Hope For Haiti Now: A Global Benefit For Earthquake Relief' = Oh, A-OK affair where Bono et al offer quite liberating help

(by Adie Pena)

Alleged car thief found playing 'Grand Theft Auto'

(Yahoo! News)

















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Alleged car thief found playing 'Grand Theft Auto' = After lifting a car plant Dodge, the guy had no fuel!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

NBC's Conan fiasco: By the numbers

(The Week)

















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The Leno and O'Brien fiasco = NBC retained a foolish one!

(by Adie Pena)

Iraq inquiry to hear former PM Blair next week

(Reuters)

















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Iraq inquiry to hear former PM Blair next week = "I'm what? Nil IQ?? Extra queer brainy performer?? OK!!

(by Maurice Goddard)

2010 Golden Globe Awards

(The New York Times)

















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The Golden Globe Awards Ceremony, California. = Celebrities all come. Why? For a gong and a drone!

(by Tony Crafter)

Japan Airlines files for bankruptcy protection

(BBC News)

















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Japan Airlines files for bankruptcy = In brief, planes lack January profits?

(by Adie Pena)

Daisy Lowe's coming of age

(The Times)

















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Daisy Lowe's coming of age = Fine cow, as leggy, said "MOO!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Gordon Brown branded Mandelson's puppet as he champions the middle class

(Daily Mail)

















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The champion of the middle classes? = Homicidal leech! He's Ten's so daft PM.

(by Maurice Goddard)

'Avatar' earns a billion dollars, fastest ever

(Techie.com.ph)

















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The film, James Cameron's "Avatar," earns a billion dollars = A brilliant L.A. craftsman's movie on a jarhead sells more!

(by Adie Pena)