Michael Jackson Autopsy Report

(The Smoking Gun)

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Michael Jackson Autopsy Report = Colic shut major Yankee pop-star.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Kennedy won't run for re-election in RI

(Washington Post)

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Kennedy won't run for re-election in RI = Retirer now? Like confined to nunnery?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Anything Beyond The Universe? New Theory Changes Our Destiny

(Huffington Post)

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Anything Beyond The Universe? New Theory Changes Our Destiny = Note the uncanny absurdity in *nothing*. God? Yes! He's everywhere.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Analysis: Chocolate may reduce stroke risk

(USA Today)

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Analysis: Chocolate may reduce stroke risk? = I cry: "Aha! To smoke doesn't! A really sick curse!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Millionaire gives away fortune which made him miserable

(The Daily Telegraph)

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Millionaire gives away fortune which made him miserable = "Minimum wage here! I was rich. Idle. I abhor money's fatal evil!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Clinton leaves hospital after heart procedure

(CNN)

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Bill Clinton is detained for heart-artery surgery. = Stent? (Or did they balefully insert a cigar in error...?)

(by Tony Crafter)

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Bill Clinton hospitalized = O! Pain! ill blitz in old chest.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Baucus, Grassley Propose New Jobs Bill

(The New York Times)

















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Baucus, Grassley Propose New Jobs Bill = Or, as public bus passengers bellow, "JOY!"

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Rain pours new misery on quake-struck Haiti

(Reuters)

















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Rain pours new misery on quake-struck Haiti = 'Skyquake' out, saw more pain in Richter ruins.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Hairs trace human history

(MSNBC)

















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Hairs trace human history = Such hairy rot? He's Martian??

(by Maurice Goddard)

Music That Changed History and Still Resonates

(The New York Times)

















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"In Performance at the White House: A Celebration of Music from the Civil Rights Movement" = Michelle Obama invites us to view the hot concert night for America's triumph of free men

(by Adie Pena)

Peter Andre's fury as Katie Price gives toddler Princess a glamour model style makeover

(Daily Mail)

















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Peter Andre's fury as Katie Price gives toddler Princess a glamour model style makeover = Some people are an utter disgrace, as real crap mum left kid looking very, very distressed

(by Chris Sturdy)

Terror laws in doubt as 'suicide bomber' is freed

(The Scotsman)

















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Terror laws in doubt as 'suicide bomber' is freed = O! Delicious idea? Murderer Brown fits bars best!

(by Maurice Goddard)

David Cameron battles to save top female candidate after local row

(The Daily Telegraph)

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David Cameron battles to save top female candidate after local row = As a fat lot of tact, Conservative Leader added: "Problematical women!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

NATO seeks partners to fight Taliban

(Financial Times)

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Nato seeks partners to fight Taliban = Sent in a battle, Afghan troops strike!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Reading the 'tea party' leaves in Florida

(Los Angeles Times)

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Reading the 'tea party' leaves in Florida = Earl Grey? It'd defeat in vote Sarah Palin!
Reading the 'tea party' leaves in Florida = Event at it? Sarah Palin died of Earl Grey!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Toyota Prius recall 'expected'

(Autocar)

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Toyota Prius recall = Totally precarious?

(by Adie Pena)

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Toyota Prius recall = You, car's total peril!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Iraq war means a new batallion of lost souls bunkered down in suburban homes

(The Herald Sun)

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What becomes of the lost souls? = O! Most face Hell. Bush stews too?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Price's nanny told Junior about wedding

(Digital Spy)

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Price's nanny told Junior about wedding = 'New dad' Injun isn't cute. Poor darling boy!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Whitewashing Zimbabwe's history

(The Guardian)

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The documentary 'Mugabe and the White African' = Notice: "Chief Man Wanted. A haughty armed brute"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Anne Hathaway gives GQ a kissing lesson

(MSNBC)

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Anne Hathaway gives GQ a kissing lesson = "Hi gang!" Q: A heavenly kiss? A: Witness a snog!
[snog: to kiss and cuddle (Briticism)]

(by Maurice Goddard)