President Obama honors Bob Dylan and Clint Eastwood

(The San Francisco Chronicle)

















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President Obama honors Bob Dylan and Clint Eastwood = The pet blot crowns; Bono, Doris Day, and Osama bin Laden!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Grand finale: Olympics end with hockey final

(Washington Post)

















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Grand finale: Olympics end with hockey final = ... and end Games with chilly ice rink play-off. No?

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Talking therapy may provide lasting back pain relief

(The Guardian)

















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Talking therapy may provide lasting back pain relief = Blair gasped: "Glorify talk? I'm a very apt pain in the neck!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Pudgy birds may migrate faster

(Yahoo! News)

















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Pudgy birds may migrate faster = Bustard (a gypsy drifter): "I'm game!"

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Kim Yu-na wins gold in women's figure skating with new world record

(Yonhap News Agency)

















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Kim Yu-na wins gold in women's figure skating with new world record = WOW!! Rink gem! S.Korea's unmatched wonder girl won in swing fluidity!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Why won't anyone clean me?

(The Wall Street Journal)

















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Why won't anyone clean the fridge? = Hey -- we few can't do nearly nothing.

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Passengers who flew with accused Christmas Day bomber speak out

(CNN)

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Passengers who flew with accused Christmas Day bomber speak out = "Chump passes gas. He blew his dirty underwear. Tobacco smoke wafts..."

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Killer whale to be spared as ponytail blamed for trainer death

(The Daily Telegraph)

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Killer whale to be spared as ponytail blamed for trainer death = Real wide hope for killer-rat Osama bin Laden? Tatty beards help!

(by Maurice Goddard)

'America the miserable' prof: U.S. isn't the same

(CNN)

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'America the miserable' prof: U.S. isn't the same = The prime bit here: It's Uncle Sam fears Osama!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Oil drilling begins in the Falkland Islands

(Channel 4)

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Oil drilling begins in the Falkland Islands = and hold bills in Argentina's 'killing fields' ?

(by Chris Sturdy)

Party Gridlock in Washington Feeds Fear of a Debt Crisis

(The New York Times)

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Party Gridlock in Washington Feeds Fear of a Debt Crisis = Why block ideas, if not for disgracing a president faster?

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Navy moves to allow women on submarines

(Los Angeles Times)

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Navy moves to allow women on submarines = Envy looms? Amour below waves isn't on man!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Road to health care legislation

(USA Today)

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Road to health care legislation = On Death's trail I go -- a race to Hell!

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Bickering continues as health summit nears

(CNN)

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Bickering continues as health care summit nears = Cruel? Inhumane? Ha! Americans best not get sick, sir.

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Evidence That Little Touches Do Mean So Much

(The New York Times)

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Evidence That Little Touches Do Mean So Much = Let's hush! The communication detected a love?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Cheney released from hospital

(CNN)

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Cheney released from hospital = Hey -- he escaped mental floor, sir!

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

I'm soon going to look like Brad Pitt: Shah Rukh

(The Times of India)

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I'm soon going to look like Brad Pitt: Shah Rukh = Ah! King Kong, Mao, Hitler, or spoilt kid Bush too?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama to meet Dalai Lama despite Chinese warning

(Yahoo! News)

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Obama to meet Dalai Lama despite Chinese warning = Ah, awesome plan! Meditate on Asia reclaiming debt.

(by Dharam Khalsa)

We do feel sorry for Gordon Brown, but in the wrong way

(The Guardian)

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We do feel sorry for Gordon Brown, but in the wrong way = Fob? Only we don't for windy 'War on Terror' George W. Bush!

(by Maurice Goddard)

What John Terry's reunion with his wife says about Britain?

(The Independent)

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What John Terry's reunion with his wife says about Britain? = Hi! We are a nation of rutty rubbishy whorish twits in jeans.

(by Maurice Goddard)