Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes split

(BBC News)

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Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes split = Well-spent times? Sad and mistaken.

(by Adie Pena)

British actress Kate Winslet splits from husband

(AP)

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British actress Kate Winslet splits from husband = Star script as a film's blue twist; Both need shrinks!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tropical Cyclone Tomas slams Fiji

(CNN)

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Tropical Cyclone Tomas slams Fiji = Impact is not jolly as forces claim!

(by Maurice Goddard)

British pair faces jail time in Dubai over kiss

(Reuters)
British pair faces jail time in Dubai over kiss

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British pair faces jail time in Dubai over kiss = Demure Arabs jail if kissin' is prohibitive act

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Mission: Impossible's Peter Graves dies in LA aged 83

(BBC News)

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The star of "Mission: Impossible" Peter Graves dies at eighty-three = I do have memories of his gritty "Agent Phelps" series. It rates best!

(by Adie Pena)

A New Breed of Guard Dog Attacks Bedbugs

(The New York Times)

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A New Breed of Guard Dog Attacks Bedbugs = A dogged and cute worker de-bugs a B&B fast!

(by Maurice Goddard)

The activist Mr Brown

(BBC)

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The activist Mr Brown = Vain twit's Mr Botcher

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama says he will push for education overhaul

(Reuters)

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Obama says he will push for education overhaul = Oh, 'Hawaiian' Pres. may revalue doubtful schools!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Man sues airline for not looking at his scrotum

(Toronto Sun)

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Man sues airline for not looking at his scrotum = Information on Marcel's glorious nuts? Shake it!

(by Adie Pena)

Carlos Slim overtakes Bill Gates in world rich list

(BBC News)

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Bill Gates is no longer the world's richest man = The Carlos Slim billions negate nerd's growth

(by Tony Crafter)

Google to digitise ancient Italian books

(BBC News)

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Google to digitise ancient Italian books = OK! It's a big one 'cos I got Galileo, Dante in it!

(by Adie Pena)

I slapped pupils, admits Pope's brother

(The Independent)

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I slapped pupils, admits Pope's brother = Parable's PS to Dope's RIP: "Help! I'm stupid!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Texas judge says death penalty unconstitutional

(WorldNews)

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Texas judge says death penalty unconstitutional = "USA's duty to get up, and axe nasty lethal injections!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Seal meat to be on menu at Canadian Parliament

(Yahoo! News)

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Seal meat to be on menu at Canadian Parliament = EU enacted a ban on sea animal in moral attempt

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Levin to Replace Rangel as Ways and Means Chairman

(The New York Times)

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Levin to Replace Rangel as Ways and Means Chairman = No sir, he can't remain; new man already clasps a gavel!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Lord Ashcroft faces new claims of tax avoidance

(The Guardian)

















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Michael Anthony Ashcroft = Tory cash machine? Not half!

(by David Bourke)

Elgar £20 note no longer legal tender

(Yahoo! Finance)

















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Legal tender = Let Elgar end

(by Chris Sturdy)

The Oscars: Kathryn Bigelow makes history as The Hurt Locker dominates

(The Times)

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The U.S. film director Kathryn Bigelow = "The Hurt Locker" wins big time for lady!

(by Adie Pena)

Liberals, atheists more highly evolved?

(National Geographic)

















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Liberals, atheists are more highly evolved? = "Hell, yes -- better lovers also!" I raved (I am high).

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Vatican Hit by Gay Sex Scandal

(Huffington Post)

















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Vatican hit by gay sex scandal = Classy gent via handy taxicab

(by Dharam Khalsa)