Tiger Woods to come back to active golf at the Augusta Masters

(Thaindian News)

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The US Masters Tournament, Augusta National Golf Club, Georgia = A return of a long-absent Tiger to a usual gig means much to a... slut.

(by Adie Pena)

World's oldest person? Vodka-drinking 129-year-old Georgian woman makes record bid

(Daily Mail)



















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World's oldest person? Vodka-drinking 129-year-old Georgian woman makes record bid = Lord! 29.1 kilo raw skin and bone groggy old crone snored, amid Vodka's sweet RIP dream!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Mountain lion roaming Santa Fe

(KRQE)

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Mountain lion roaming Santa Fe = An animal's no gift on main route!
Mountain lion roaming Santa Fe = Aim is NOT an afternoon mauling!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

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Mountain lion roaming Santa Fe = Animal (man's foe?) touring nation

(by Pinchas Aronas)

Chemical in Bananas Might Combat HIV Infection

(BusinessWeek)

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Chemical in Bananas Might Combat HIV Infection? = Hi! Can't combat fain Catholic men in misbehaving!

(by Maurice Goddard)

World's Shortest Man Pingping Dies Aged 21

(Yahoo! News)

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World's Shortest Man Pingping Dies Aged 21 = 21 timed gongs ended his last worn gasp. RIP

(by Maurice Goddard)

Heel op ends Beckham World Cup record bid

(Yahoo! News)

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Heel op ends Beckham World Cup record bid = Drop hope, when lame soccer duck dribbled!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes split

(BBC News)

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Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes split = Well-spent times? Sad and mistaken.

(by Adie Pena)

British actress Kate Winslet splits from husband

(AP)

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British actress Kate Winslet splits from husband = Star script as a film's blue twist; Both need shrinks!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tropical Cyclone Tomas slams Fiji

(CNN)

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Tropical Cyclone Tomas slams Fiji = Impact is not jolly as forces claim!

(by Maurice Goddard)

British pair faces jail time in Dubai over kiss

(Reuters)
British pair faces jail time in Dubai over kiss

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British pair faces jail time in Dubai over kiss = Demure Arabs jail if kissin' is prohibitive act

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Mission: Impossible's Peter Graves dies in LA aged 83

(BBC News)

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The star of "Mission: Impossible" Peter Graves dies at eighty-three = I do have memories of his gritty "Agent Phelps" series. It rates best!

(by Adie Pena)

A New Breed of Guard Dog Attacks Bedbugs

(The New York Times)

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A New Breed of Guard Dog Attacks Bedbugs = A dogged and cute worker de-bugs a B&B fast!

(by Maurice Goddard)

The activist Mr Brown

(BBC)

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The activist Mr Brown = Vain twit's Mr Botcher

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama says he will push for education overhaul

(Reuters)

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Obama says he will push for education overhaul = Oh, 'Hawaiian' Pres. may revalue doubtful schools!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Man sues airline for not looking at his scrotum

(Toronto Sun)

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Man sues airline for not looking at his scrotum = Information on Marcel's glorious nuts? Shake it!

(by Adie Pena)

Carlos Slim overtakes Bill Gates in world rich list

(BBC News)

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Bill Gates is no longer the world's richest man = The Carlos Slim billions negate nerd's growth

(by Tony Crafter)

Google to digitise ancient Italian books

(BBC News)

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Google to digitise ancient Italian books = OK! It's a big one 'cos I got Galileo, Dante in it!

(by Adie Pena)

I slapped pupils, admits Pope's brother

(The Independent)

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I slapped pupils, admits Pope's brother = Parable's PS to Dope's RIP: "Help! I'm stupid!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Texas judge says death penalty unconstitutional

(WorldNews)

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Texas judge says death penalty unconstitutional = "USA's duty to get up, and axe nasty lethal injections!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Seal meat to be on menu at Canadian Parliament

(Yahoo! News)

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Seal meat to be on menu at Canadian Parliament = EU enacted a ban on sea animal in moral attempt

(by Dharam Khalsa)