Republicans Weighing Party's Message

(The New York Times)

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Republicans weighing party's message = My! Seeing her, gasbag Palin screws it up!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Republicans weighing party's message = Palin's speech gigs must be WAY angrier!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Elizabeth Taylor to marry for ninth time

(The Hindustan Times)

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Elizabeth Taylor to marry for ninth time = Not mortality - try Alzheimer of the brain!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

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Elizabeth Taylor to marry for ninth time = Boy! Hot flirt. Matrimony tantalizer here!

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Elizabeth Taylor to marry for ninth time = Merry horizontal tomb reality, if a tenth?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Polish President Killed in Plane Crash

(VOA News)

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Polish President Killed in Plane Crash = I, Poland's leader Lech K., splinter in ship

(by Aronas Pinchas)

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Polish president killed in plane crash = Sinister end appalled in shock. He'll RIP.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Four missing West Virginia miners are found dead

(BBC News)

Four missing West Virginia miners are found dead = Our grieving wife's tears run, as if mined diamonds.


Four missing West Virginia miners are found dead = Did mine staff ignore various warnings? Erm...I'd sue!

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Four missing West Virginia miners are found dead = A wide unanimous "Disaster!" from grieving friends

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Germany has no doubt Greece can refinance its debts

(Reuters)

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Germany has no doubt Greece can refinance its debts = Athens can be biggest trade, can find money resource

(by Aronas Pinchas)

US-Russia pact is one small step closer to nuclear Utopia

(The Times)

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US-Russia pact is one small step closer to nuclear Utopia = USA politics pulse, to curse our planet's atomic arsenals!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Legal fight over Plumpy'nut, the hunger wonder-product

(BBC News)

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Nutriset's Plumpy'nut = Must supply nutrient!

(by Adie Pena)

Playboy photographers find reality TV hard work

(Yahoo! News)

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Playboy photographers find reality TV hard work = That word 'hard' by typography is profane overkill!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

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Playboy photographers find reality TV hard work = Favorably sightworthy; proper hard-on kept daily!

(by Adie Pena)

Prince William and Kate to get engaged

(Daily Telegraph)

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Prince William and Kate to get engaged = "A parading elegant king-elect: I'm to wed!"
Prince William and Kate to get engaged? = Pair met, giggle, and talk in: "We need a cot!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Iran ridicules Obama's nuclear strategy

(AP)

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Iran ridicules Obama's nuclear strategy = All you Americans great disturbance, sir

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Treat your body like a temple, worship it: Bipasha Basu

(Daily News & Analysis)

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Treat your body like a temple, worship it: Bipasha Basu = As a UK pub patriot, that's how I sip. I adore my beer belly!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Has Rome Lost Faith in the Pope

(The Daily Beast)

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Has Rome Lost Faith in the Pope? = 'Holiest Pomp' on Earth is fat, eh?

(by Maurice Goddard)

How Brown could still be laughing all the way back to Downing Street

(The Independent)

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How Brown could still be laughing all the way back to Downing Street = Wet gag? Huh! The clown could ask Bill Gates, and borrow twenty billion?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Science Weekly: What are animals thinking?

(The Guardian)

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Science Weekly: What are animals thinking? = Hi! Like seeing my cat can answer, when I talk?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Aishwarya Rai - the empress of the Bollywood

(The Siasat Daily)

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Aishwarya Rai - the empress of the Bollywood = Oh! Wow! She's a reality of a terribly posh dame!

(by Maurice Goddard)

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Aishwarya Rai - the empress of the Bollywood = Ooh, she elite player of raw dramas with boys!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Can eating junk food really be an addiction?

(Time)

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Can eating junk food really be an addiction? = Can't I enjoy a Diet Coke in full abandon? Drag!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Bond girl Olga Kurylenko vows never to date Russian men

(Daily News & Analysis)

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Bond girl Olga Kurylenko vows never to date Russian men = "Well, our guys? Almost never sober on drinking neat Vodka!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

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Bond girl Olga Kurylenko vows never to date Russian men = Sensible gal: Our wanton men/guys err - love to drink vodka

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Pope hailed as 'unfailing' leader at Easter Mass

(AP)

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Pope hailed as 'unfailing' leader at Easter Mass = Dementia slurs faster in a paedophile age, alas.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Williams Hits Out At Irish Church Over Abuse

(Yahoo! News)

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Williams Hits Out At Irish Church Over Abuse = We hiss: "Ritual Catholic misbehaviour hurts!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Could This Be The Real Face of Jesus Christ?

(Yahoo! News)

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Could This Be The Real Face of Jesus Christ? = Just a crucified halo reflects the sobs, eh?

(by Maurice Goddard)