Study: Nearly half of U.S. adults have heart risk factor

(Newsday)

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Study: Nearly half of U.S. adults have heart risk factor = Due to KFC's 'have-to-hurry' ready trash all stuff in, alas.

(by Maurice Goddard)

The Hollywood Sign, Brought to You by Hugh Hefner

(Vanity Fair)

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The Hollywood Sign, Brought to You by Hugh Hefner = How lofty, eh? Big old Bunny Guy's the thorough hero!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Study links chocolate and depression

(Los Angeles Times)

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Study links chocolate and depression = Snickers do lead to hyped lunatics, son!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Pope's visit: Foreign Office needs brains, not brainstorming

(The Daily Telegraph)

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Pope's visit: Foreign Office needs brains, not brainstorming = Vatican's toffee-nosed bore's fine trip, brings grim opinions

(by Maurice Goddard)

This column will change your life: The beauty in imperfection

(The Guardian)

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This column will change your life: The beauty in imperfection = In this claim, gracefully true of cute 'Winnie the Pooh', by Milne?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Sympathies to friends, families of workers lost in Deepwater Horizon explosion

(Houston Chronicle)

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The Deepwater Horizon oil drilling platform = How a dozen'll die from peril in that petrol rig

(by Adie Pena)

Cameron warns of hung parliament dangers

(Yahoo! News)

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Cameron warns of hung parliament dangers = A rampant handsome Clegg runs for a winner!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tea 'healthier' drink than water

(BBC News)

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Tea 'healthier' drink than water = Aha! That trend rather like wine?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tea 'healthier' drink than water

Killer fungus seen in Pacific Northwest

(CNN)

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Killer fungus seen in Pacific Northwest = Lung pest's horrific influence isn't weak!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Katie Melua embraces feminism

(Yahoo! News)

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Katie Melua embraces feminism = Me! Kissable cute me! I'm in a frame!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama: Financial reform key to avoiding crisis

(Reuters)

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Obama: Financial reform key to avoiding crisis = Barack's to fail rigid vision of American money

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Slain Miss. white supremacist was stabbed, beaten

(Yahoo! News)

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Slain Miss. white supremacist was stabbed, beaten = It establishes men saw nabbed racist's time was up

(by Adie Pena)

Muslim group warns 'South Park' creators of death

(Yahoo! News)

(Yahoo! News)

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Muslim group warns 'South Park' creators of death = USA authors draw results from mocking a prophet

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Muslim group warns 'South Park' creators of death = Authors' sick humor appals; now targets of murder.

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Who got voted off 'American Idol'? Tim Urban, at long last!

(Newsday)

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Tim Urban = I am burnt!

(by Adie Pena)

Flights resume across Europe

(NorthJersey)

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Flights resume across Europe = Gasp! Let's cruise home for sure!

(by Adie Pena)

'If I were Prime Minister...'

(BBC News)

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What's the one thing you would do if you were Prime Minister? = Huh? With my wife - a Tory muse - I'd pee in our Downing Street loo!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Mount Everest 'death zone' set for a spring clean up

(Yahoo! News)

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Mount Everest 'death zone' set for a spring clean up = Sherpa stunt could get a frozen item, even a person!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Nick Clegg could do with another walk in the countryside

(The Daily Telegraph)

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Nick Clegg could do with another walk in the countryside = Well-to-do chronic atheist chuckled: "Winning trudge. Okay?"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Airport Disruptions from Ash Cloud 'Worse Than 9/11,' Says European Airline Group

(Cybercast News Service)

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Ash cloud shuts down the European airlines = Oh, Iceland eruption unleashes southwards!

(by Adie Pena)

Bill Clinton: Hillary and I are too old to be appointed to the Supreme Court

(New York Daily News)

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Bill Clinton: Hillary and I are too old to be appointed to the Supreme Court = He can't pilot & please another trollop Monica on duty (libido-trouble, tired)

(by Aronas Pinchas)