Wayne Rooney smoking and urinating in the street: it's no wonder United hero is out of puff

(Daily Mail)


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Wayne Rooney smoking and urinating in the street: it's no wonder United hero is out of puff = Puny moron seen showing off here! Arrogant weed! Snotty nut! Infinite nit! A true, odious kid.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Peace won't come soon to Middle East

(Ottawa Citizen)


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Peace won't come soon to Middle East = We (Semites) concede to 'A plan to doom'

(by Aronas Pinchas)

How to spot the early signs of dementia

(The Daily Telegraph)


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How to spot the early signs of dementia = Onset's nasty, eh pet? I forget how old I am!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Senate Confirms Kagan to Supreme Court

(Bloomberg)


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Senate Confirms Kagan to Supreme Court = No true arguments, no fear. OK, accept miss!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

'Churchill, Eisenhower covered up RAF plane's UFO encounter'

(The Times of India)


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'Churchill, Eisenhower covered up RAF plane's UFO encounter' = UFO's hardline chronicle then: "Cup 'n' Saucer Flew Over Europe!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Clone Concerns: Britain Worries About Milk Supply

(Time)


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Clone Concerns: Britain Worries About Milk Supply = Butter irony in cow clones: Bulls skip pair romance!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama says Iraq war will end 'on schedule'

(The Independent)


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Obama says Iraq war will end 'on schedule' = Queasy wind down? Or "Allah bless America"?!

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Obama says Iraq war will end 'on schedule' = A square showdown. America's blind alley?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Is Vitaminwater Really a Healthy Drink?

(Time)

 
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Is Vitaminwater Really a Healthy Drink? = Elderly rave: "Ah! Trial man? It ain't whisky!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Even stupid people have feelings - let's end this bigotry

(The Daily Telegraph)


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Even stupid people have feelings - let's end this bigotry = Spy the self-evident steep pain live, in dolt George Bush!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Accepting That Good Parents May Plant Bad Seeds

(The New York Times)


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Accepting that good parents may plant bad seeds = Lots tag scatty Pope Benedict's ma and pa grand, eh?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Chelsea Clinton Marries Marc Mezvinsky

(People)


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Chelsea Victoria Clinton Marries Marc Mezvinsky Today = Nosy moral American citizens love very dramatic kitsch

(by Adie Pena)

Details of 100m Facebook users collected and published

(BBC)

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Details of Facebook users collected and published = "Cute" chat and bold episodes of a bored luckless life

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Nobel Peace Prizes 'are being awarded illegally'

(The Independent)


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Nobel Peace Prizes 'are being awarded illegally' = Peaceably spied, winner Al Gore blazed "I'll agree!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Most pet dogs are too fat, study finds

(The Daily Telegraph)


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Most pet dogs are too fat, study finds = Fattest on treats, my pug Fido's so odd!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Sherrod regards Obama's call as apology

(CNN)


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Sherrod regards Obama's call as apology = Abashed Pres. cools drama - 'O, gal, sorry, gal!'

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Putin Sings With Deported Russian Spies

(Yahoo! News)


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Putin sings with deported Russian spies = Red's this stupid twirp's genuine passion!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Alex Higgins, snooker's anti-hero, dies aged 61

(The Guardian)


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Snooker player Alex 'Hurricane' Higgins is dead = A drink-hellraiser has expired... going on cue, say?

(by Tony Crafter)

Daniel Schorr

(National Public Radio)


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NPR anchor dies (see article) = Rest in peace, Daniel Schorr.

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Clintons in tears over Chelsea? You can bet on it

(Reuters)


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Clintons in tears over Chelsea? You can bet on it = Love story's heat can continue in celebrations!


Clintons in tears over Chelsea? You can bet on it = Bill announces: "O! Even I can cry to its toast here!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Police nab bandit who used underwear as mask

(Yahoo! News)


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Police nab bandit who used underwear as mask = Woman ducked alias: "Unwashed Panties Robber"

(by Dharam Khalsa)