Happy birthday! Reagan's cake weighs four hundred pounds

(The Daily Blitz)

Illustration: DonkeyHotey

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Happy birthday! Reagan's cake weighs four hundred pounds = Ha! Darn unhappy disaster for puny dickhead George W. Bush!

(by Maurice Goddard)

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Happy birthday! Reagan's cake weighs four hundred pounds = He's dead, for god's sake! R.I.P. grub? Write 'Happy'?? And Nancy??? Uh-uh...

(by Steve Allison)

Super Bowl LXV: Christina Aguilera fluffs national anthem

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: WorthingTheatres

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Christina Aguilera fluffs national anthem = A failure in USA NFL final match? O, that singer!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Beer From Super Bowl States Heads up Obama's Party

(ABC News)

Photo: mrpbody33

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Beer From Super Bowl States Heads up Obama's Party = Famous tapped brews, bless a 'bottoms up!' array here!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Fighting in south Sudan kills 30

(BBC)

Photo: Vít Hassan

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Fighting in South Sudan = I find a gun...gunshots...hit

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Sarah Palin: America Needs to 'Reconnect' With Reagan's Values

(ABC News)

Photo: Cain and Todd Benson

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Sarah Palin: America Needs to 'Reconnect' With Reagan's Values = "Please Lord, as sane near care, curse that moaning naive witch."

(by Maurice Goddard)

Egypt Officials Seek to Nudge Mubarak Out

(The New York Times)

Photo: Takver

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Hosni Mubarak = Arab: "Oh, I'm sunk!

(by Adie Pena)

Dennis Kucinich Settles Over 'Dangerous' Olive Pit Sandwich

(MSNBC)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

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Dennis Kucinich Settles Over 'Dangerous' Olive Pit Sandwich = "I, OH. Rep, love tort laws!" Sad, suing isn't kind - such nice evidence!

(by Steve Allison)

Charlie Sheen's mouthful of gold teeth

(NBC Today)

Photo: CREDITS

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Charlie Sheen in a crazy hotel bender - 'News' nails him! Nice hair - a mouthful of gold teeth ! = A nice smile (and glitter); i.e. "Half a man" - he hit her? Nice fun old boozer, Why then, such a loser?

(by Steve Allison)

What do women want from cars?

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: gbaku

What do women want from cars? = What now? Warm sedan & comfort

(by Aronas Pinchas)

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What do women want from cars? = Aw! Man! New F.W.D. motor to crash?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Germany sells vision for 'green toys' to world

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: windsordi

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Germany sells vision for 'green toys' to world = Elves of wood on slim string? Try solar energy!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Across dusty Egypt, anxiety has filled the air

(CNN)

Photo: digitalurbanlandscape

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Across dusty Egypt, anxiety has filled the air = Steadfast Sphinx touchily agrees, yet aridly.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Forget hotels: Ten cheaper places to stay

(MSNBC)

Photo: ecstaticist

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Forget hotels: Ten cheaper places to stay = Yep: Lean-to, street, patch of grass, hole, etc.

(by Steve Allison)

Yasi: Monster Storm Sends Thousands Fleeing in Australia

(Pacific Free Press)

Photo: Gerard's World

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Monster cyclone Yasi bearing down on Australian coastline = Wet lunacy! It's only rainin' crocs 'n dingoes, mate! A bar soon... ale...

(by Steve Allison)

Hundreds of thousands jam Cairo square shouting 'He must leave!'

(USA Today)

Photo: robertxcadena

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Demonstrations in Cairo, Egypt = O, many incidents, top rage, riots!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

The Clash on Liberation Square

(The Wall Street Journal)

Photo: Frame Maker

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Liberation Square, Cairo, Egypt = Rarely quiet on a big riot space

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Liberation Square, Cairo, Egypt = Rarely a big riot on quiet space?

(by Adie Pena)

There Was a Loud Noise, Then the Top Floor Was Gone

(MSNBC)

Photo: pastorchrisbishop

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There Was a Loud Noise, Then the Top Floor Was Gone = Let it snow, ho ho ho! (fade...) settle... groan... snap! woe, rue :-(

(by Steve Allison)

With No Charlie Sheen, CBS Mulls Its Monday Lineup

(The New York Times)

Photo: flashbacks.com

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Actor Charlie Sheen = Cocaine? He shalt err!

(by Adie Pena)

Life on other planets? Leading expert weighs in

(MSNBC)

Photo: NASA Goddard

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Life on other planets? Leading expert weighs in = Explains how to find E.T.: Peer... Seeing light, learn...

(by Steve Allison)

Egyptian reform leader calls for Mubarak to resign

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

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Demonstrations in Cairo, Egypt = Inept dictator may soon resign

(by Dharam Khalsa)

A royal flush for Firth

(The Sun Daily)

Photo: Martin de Witte

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The English actor Colin Andrew Firth = For I'll win the enchanted Oscar, right?

(by Adie Pena)