Never again, says Globes host Ricky

(AP)

Photo: cranberries

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Host Ricky Gervais = His argot very sick

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Large cruise ships come with big safety concerns

(CBS News)

Photo: Nephelim

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Large cruise ships come with big safety concerns = Yes, the captain & crew - crime, forensics, big loss - UGH!

(by Steve Allison)

Stopping Indonesia's Roof Riders with Threatening Concrete Balls

(The World)

Photo: ohorella

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Stopping Indonesia's Roof Riders with Threatening Concrete Balls = Big "hit" with roof riders - one clang, last stop! Sinners repent: end! Ciao!

(by Steve Allison)

Magpies and bears mourn North Korea's 'Dear Leader', says state media

(MSNBC)

Photo: skinnylawyer

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Magpies and bears mourn North Korea's 'Dear Leader', says state media = He's dead! Animals are sorry, but modern men agree: parades, saki, toast!

(by Steve Allison)

Italy cruise ship Costa Concordia aground near Giglio

(BBC)

Photo: Il Fatto Quotidiano

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Italy cruise ship 'Costa Concordia' = Chaos, corpses, a loud cry. Titanic II?

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Bacon linked to higher risk of pancreatic cancer, says report

(The Guardian)

Photo: Drunken Monkey

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Bacon linked to higher risk of pancreatic cancer, says report = A direr shocking cry! Continental breakfast's a proper choice!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Mormons feel rooted and happy, but marginalized, poll finds

(Los Angeles Times)

Photo: More Good Foundation

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Mormons feel rooted and happy, but marginalized, poll finds = Oh! Man! Fold's blazoning drip Mitt Romney feels dead popular!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Doomsday Clock moves closer to midnight

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: alancleaver_2000

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The Doomsday Clock moves closer to midnight = Sod me! Cold, cold shock. Time to try saving home!

(by Chris Sturdy)

Obsessive smart phone users hear 'phantom vibrations'

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Yutaka Tsutano

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Obsessive smart phone users hear 'phantom vibrations' = The smash 'iPhonemania' proves to be a born stress virus!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Mitt Romney wins New Hampshire primary

(The Daily Mirror)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

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Mitt Romney wins New Hampshire primary = Smarmy winner in the part: "My! I worship me!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Drug dog busts Snoop Dogg's bus

(CNN)

Photo: Man Alive!

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The hip hop star Snoop Dogg = Sod got high on pot perhaps?

(by Adie Pena)

Missouri man accused of lawn mower DUI, assaulting officer

(The Kansas City Star)

Photo: koppdelaney,

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Missouri man accused of lawn mower DUI, assaulting officer = US ignoramus caused near traffic collision amid fumes? Wow!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Iran court sentences American to death

(Washington Post)

Photo: Sem Paradeiro

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Iran court sentences American to death = Tehran to a decent man: 'Our secrets in CIA?

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Occupy Geriatrics: Seniors in Walkers Shut Down Local Bank of America

(San Francisco Weekly)

Photo: seiuhealthcare775nw

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Occupy Geriatrics: Seniors in Walkers Shut Down Local Bank of America = Daring wise San Francisco women attack policy crooks. Blue hair rules!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Top Three in the Iowa Caucus

Illustration: DonkeyHotey

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1. Mitt Romney
2. Rick Santorum
3. Newt Gingrich
=
1. Mormon Muggins
2. Cranky Crier
3. The Nit Twit

(by Maurice Goddard)

Women are a mystery to British physicist Hawking

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: NASA

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Women are a mystery to British physicist Hawking = O, he can't grasp her wit! (with missy it yokes my brain!)

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Do our brains decline from middle age?

(NHS)

Illustration: TZA

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Do our brains decline from middle age? = Maurice Goddard's belief: "Mine? Lord! NO!!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Duchess of Cambridge to be a Scout leader as well as patron of four charities

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: JeanM1

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Duchess of Cambridge to be a Scout leader as well as patron of four charities = Guaranteed a boss, she's a fair-faced cool bit of crumpet! Scouts will adore her!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Catholic bishop resigns, admits he has two kids

(MSNBC)

Photo: Catholic Church

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Catholic bishop resigns, admits he has two kids = Shh! His impostor tactic shows... Likes being a dad!

(by Steve Allison)

Egyptian court continues trial of Mubarak

(Xinhua)

Illustration: robertxcadena

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Egyptian court continues trial of Mubarak = Prosecution back in to maul a tyrant figure

(by Aronas Pinchas)