Helping your parents stay out of the nursing home

(Los Angeles Times)

Photo: LOLren

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Helping your parents stay out of the nursing home = Unfortunate sorry ones, these might go unhappily?

(by Maurice Goddard)

American Way: 'Mr Invincible' yet to convince Republican core

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

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American Way: 'Mr Invincible' yet to convince Republican core = A pure cynic, Mitt 'clever-clever baboon' Romney: "I can! I can win I!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama: Jesus would back my tax-the-rich policy

(CNN)

Photo: The White House Fellows Program

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Obama: Jesus would back my tax-the-rich policy = "Ha! A just way up! Bible exactly mocks rich doom."

(by Maurice Goddard)

Hubble snaps stunning barred spiral galaxy image

(BBC)

Photo: NASA

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Hubble snaps stunning barred spiral galaxy image = Big Bang's unexplained starry enigma has blurs, pal!

(by Maurice Goddard)

David Beckham: I've never stuffed my pants with socks because I don't need to

(Now Magazine)

Photo: friskytuna

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David Beckham: I've never stuffed my pants with socks because I don't need to = "Me? Stud fitness speaks! Even my bedded bonked wife, Victoria, can vouch that!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Daughter cuts off cancer-stricken mother's hair in YouTube video

(The Daily Telegraph)
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Daughter cuts off cancer-stricken mother's hair in YouTube video = Brave heroic courage, inasmuch in front of her cute kid, tests duty.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Sugar should be regulated like alcohol, tobacco, commentary says

(CBS News)

Photo: Uwe Hermann

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Sugar should be regulated like alcohol, tobacco, commentary says = Sugary Realm? God! You'd best label Coca-Cola "Health Risk To Consume"!

(by Maurice Goddard)

The Uncanny Valley: What Robot Theory Tells Us About Mitt Romney

(The Atlantic)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

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The Uncanny Valley: What Robot Theory Tells Us About Mitt Romney = Hey! Very mouthy, hell-bent Automaton "Latter-Clown Saint", tours by!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Monty Python members to re-unite for new film

(Raw Story)

Photo: jonnyphoto

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Monty Python members to re-unite for new film = Minus one--then, try fewer on film, or empty tomb?

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Guy who built epic star trek apartment may lose it in divorce

(BoingBoing)

Photo: Chris Devers

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Guy who built epic star trek apartment may lose it in divorce = Evil partner takes control, war, guy hit: "I'd... I... I... Beam me up, Scotty!"

(by Steve Allison)

Obama on Super Bowl - Can't call it

(The Milford Daily News)

Photo: The Daily Zing

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Obama on Super Bowl - Can't call it = Bears AWOL? Bum op. No, can't call it!

(by Steve Allison)

Healthy, six-legged lamb born in Georgia

(Yahoo! News)
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Healthy, six-legged lamb born in Georgia = Mary brags in glee, "Gad, he'll go on exhibit!"
Healthy, six-legged lamb born in Georgia = Golly, the big hexagonal ram is breeding!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Earth to Moonbase Gingrich -- Ego won't get us into space

(National Post)

Photo: IowaPolitics.com

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Earth to Moonbase Gingrich -- Ego won't get us into space = Note ego - been wishing on a star! Get a grip, too much cost!

(by Steve Allison)

Oscar nominees announced, Septic Tank not in Foreign Language

(Manila Standard Today)

Photo: mobo85

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The Oscar nominee = Notice hero's name

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Seal Talks Possible Reconciliation With Heidi Klum: "Never Say Never"

(E!)

Photo: WEBN-TV

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Seal Talks Possible Reconciliation With Heidi Klum: "Never Say Never" = Nice looks, voice, even kids! But pair his meanness & her ill-will... A treaty!??

(by Steve Allison)

Alaska Airlines retiring meal tray prayer cards

(AP)

Photo: dirkjankraan.com

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Alaska Airlines retiring meal tray prayer cards = As all planes may carry greater risk, I ride a train!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

U.S. commandos free two pirate hostages in Somalia

(Reuters)

Photo: Poagao

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Commandos have rescued pirate hostages in Somalia = Go! As macho marines set loose aid captives unharmed!

(by Tony Crafter)

GOP using Obama State of Union address to grab offensive, blame him for economy's deep woes

(Washington Post)

Photo: The White House

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GOP using Obama State of Union address to grab offensive, blame him for economy's deep woes = Ovation! As most sober Americans blame dopy toffee-nosed infamous GOP fiend, George W. Bush!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Dentist pleads guilty to Medicaid fraud for using paper clips in root canals

(Fox News)

Photo: JaulaDeArdilla

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Dentist pleads guilty to Medicaid fraud for using paper clips in root canals = Patients: "Dreadful!" Guy: "Ding! It's classic all-American - So opportune - did profit!"

(by Steve Allison)

Oldest dinosaur nest site found

(BBC)

Photo: dugspr

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Oldest dinosaur nest site found = Fossils in stone turned out dead!

(by Maurice Goddard)