Royal fury as nude pictures of Kate Middleton hit newsstands in Paris

(The Herald Sun)

Photo: Nuwandalice

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Royal fury as nude pictures of Kate Middleton hit newsstands in Paris = William's torn red and pissed off at such a sneaky, petty, rude intrusion!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Lessons from the 'World's Ugliest Woman': 'Stop Staring and Start Learning'

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Lizzie Velasquez's website

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"The World's Ugliest Woman" = Mutant? Worse! God's will, eh

(by Aronas Pinchas)

McDonald's to include calorie counts on menu boards, but will that deter diners?

(CNN)

Photo: Thomas Hawk

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McDonald's to add calorie info to menus = O! A lad's mom concluded dinner is too fat

(by Rosie Perera)

Number of breweries tops 1,000

(The Berwick Advertiser)

Photo: visitflanders

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Number of breweries now tops one thousand = Beaten numb? Oh fine, sup to drown sorrow, see?

(by Robert Jordan)

Plans for 9/11 museum at Ground Zero back on track after budget row, says Mayor

(Daily Mail)

Photo: IslesPunkFan

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A September Eleventh Museum at Ground Zero in NYC = Men sculptured the memory zone: US bet "Never again!"

(by Rosie Perera)

Not just a pretty face: modern men prefer women with brains rather than beauty

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Hey Paul Studios

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Not just a pretty face: modern men prefer women with brains rather than beauty = Better marry content, than repent. Thus endue, my fat wife has major brain power!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Lose Your Pants, No Second Chance

(Time)

Photo: Rob Hooft

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Bank of America employee fired for mooning boss = Bare skin means no more office for me. Apology bid?

(by Rosie Perera)

Firing people will be made easier, new business minister says

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: billypalooza

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Firing people will be made easier, new business minister says = Wise sensible daring measure! I'll fire my inept boss in a sweep!

(by Maurice Goddard)

'Stoptober' stop-smoking campaign launched in England

(BBC)

Photo: NHS

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'Stoptober' stop-smoking campaign launched in England = Condemning clean-up op? Strike a light! Stop and ban smog!

(by Robert Jordan)

Stoptober anti-smoking campaign launched by Government

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: looking4poetry

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Stoptober anti-smoking campaign launched by Government = Damn smoking by repeating lung cancer photos on TV, I'm beat!

(by Maurice Goddard)

NASA Releases New Stunning Images of Mars Curiosity Rover

(PC Magazine)

Photo: NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center

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NASA Releases New Stunning Images of Mars = Signal saw green men? Ass, see far mountains!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Girl scores crucial goal after being plucked out of crowd to play for Scotland

(Yahoo! Eurosport)

Photo: adwriter

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Girl scores crucial goal after being plucked out of crowd to play for Scotland = God! Cry foul. A low-standard, erroring SFA call public to get out of soccer pickle.

(by Chris Sturdy)

Explanation: How Brain Training Can Make You Significantly Smarter

(How Life Works)

Photo: hawkexpress

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Explanation: How Brain Training Can Make You Significantly Smarter = I fly on air in creating anagrams! An exceptional habit works in my nut!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Forget minty toothpaste - coconut oil fights tooth decay

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: angelina_koh

Forget minty toothpaste - coconut oil fights tooth decay = Policy - to scour teeth often, that's in fact mighty good too! (You must turn on Java in your web browser to see this Animated Anagrams applet.)
Forget minty toothpaste - coconut oil fights tooth decay = Coo! Hottest nifty thing you shift to, compared to Colgate!

(by Maurice Goddard)

'The Mormon Candidate' by Laurie Winer

(Los Angeles Review of Books)

Photo: More Good Foundation

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'The Mormon Candidate' by Laurie Winer = Read: 'A Rich Inane Would-be, Mitt Romney'

(by Maurice Goddard)

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The Mormon Candidate by Laurie Winer = Ridicule on Mitt Romney. Aha, be warned!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Greed and Debt: The True Story of Mitt Romney and Bain Capital

(Rolling Stone)

Photo: Desperado8

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Greed and Debt: The True Story of Mitt Romney and Bain Capital = Attest: A mean, cold, dirty, dim-tainted, phoney fortune-grabber!

(by Maurice Goddard)

UK thalidomide victims want money, not an apology

(Channel 4)

Photo: DES Daughter

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UK thalidomide victims want money, not an apology = O! Invalids took new aim to damn the guilty company!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama says Republican ideas from "last century'

(Reuters)

Illustration: DonkeyHotey

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Obama says Republican ideas from "last century' = M. Romney is but all fancy rapacious bastard, see

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Unprecedented civil union unites Brazilian trio

(CNN)

Photo: icadrews

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First "polyfidelitous union" granted in Brazil = Trio finalized nuptials: disturbing or felony?

(by Rosie Perera)

Aurora asks citizens for input about future of Century 16 theater

(Denver Post)

Photo: yksin

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Aurora Century Sixteen Theater = Hey! Arrest a truant executioner!

(by Daniel Morales)