Andy Williams dead at 84: 'Moon River' crooner loses battle with bladder cancer

(New York Daily News)

Photo: Roadsidepictures

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The singer Andy Williams has died of bladder cancer = An adored star's life harshly ended. 'Big C' claimed win.

(by Tony Crafter)

British soldier gives birth at Afghanistan's Camp Bastion

(The Journal)

Photo: Defence Images

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The British Army = My hastier birth

(by Chris Sturdy)

Fresh anti-Islam film protests in Muslim countries

(BBC)

Illustration: DonkeyHotey

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The anti-Islam film protests = Faith seems still important

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Amish leader convicted of hate crimes in beard attacks

(CNN)

Photo: Travis S.

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Amish leader convicted in beard attacks = Bad hair cleaver intended a most sick act

(by Rosie Perera)

Giant snails seized at airport

(MSN News)

Photo: Linwood

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Live giant African snails were seized at Scotland airport = No win! Escargots placed in transit leave a fair-sized trail

(by Robert Jordan)

Secret Video: Romney Tells Millionaire Donors What He REALLY Thinks of Obama Voters

(Mother Jones)

Photo: Batai

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Mitt Romney's secret video = Verity: I detest commoners

(by Rosie Perera)

New Demotic Dictionary Translates Lives of Ancient Egyptians

(The New York Times)

Photo: listentoreason

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New dictionary translates the Demotic Egyptian language = It can relate ancient glyph meanings to us today: wadi, egret, ...

(by Rosie Perera)

Romney, Republicans increase attacks on Obama

(CNN)

Illustration: PIX-JOCKEY

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Romney, Republicans increase attacks on Obama = A concern. Ape Mitt smears Barack in loony abuse!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Should you really dress little girls in leopard-skin bikinis, Liz? Actress accused of sexualising youngsters with bikini range

(Daily Mail)

Photo: ivoryelephantphotography

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Must anyone really dress their little girls now in a leopard-skin bikini? Liz, an actress, is accused of sexualising youngsters with the skimpy bikini range = I recall a pitiful sixties itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie, silly polka-dot design causing rank embarrassment. All scorn, shirk anguish; rethink downsizing yours!

(by Robert Jordan)

Richard III's remains: Leicester car park dug up

(BBC)
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Richard the third's lost remains: i.e. a Leicester car park is dug up = It's murder disputing all Shakespeare's rather acidic rhetoric

(by Robert Jordan)

Royal fury as nude pictures of Kate Middleton hit newsstands in Paris

(The Herald Sun)

Photo: Nuwandalice

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Royal fury as nude pictures of Kate Middleton hit newsstands in Paris = William's torn red and pissed off at such a sneaky, petty, rude intrusion!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Lessons from the 'World's Ugliest Woman': 'Stop Staring and Start Learning'

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Lizzie Velasquez's website

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"The World's Ugliest Woman" = Mutant? Worse! God's will, eh

(by Aronas Pinchas)

McDonald's to include calorie counts on menu boards, but will that deter diners?

(CNN)

Photo: Thomas Hawk

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McDonald's to add calorie info to menus = O! A lad's mom concluded dinner is too fat

(by Rosie Perera)

Number of breweries tops 1,000

(The Berwick Advertiser)

Photo: visitflanders

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Number of breweries now tops one thousand = Beaten numb? Oh fine, sup to drown sorrow, see?

(by Robert Jordan)

Plans for 9/11 museum at Ground Zero back on track after budget row, says Mayor

(Daily Mail)

Photo: IslesPunkFan

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A September Eleventh Museum at Ground Zero in NYC = Men sculptured the memory zone: US bet "Never again!"

(by Rosie Perera)

Not just a pretty face: modern men prefer women with brains rather than beauty

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Hey Paul Studios

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Not just a pretty face: modern men prefer women with brains rather than beauty = Better marry content, than repent. Thus endue, my fat wife has major brain power!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Lose Your Pants, No Second Chance

(Time)

Photo: Rob Hooft

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Bank of America employee fired for mooning boss = Bare skin means no more office for me. Apology bid?

(by Rosie Perera)

Firing people will be made easier, new business minister says

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: billypalooza

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Firing people will be made easier, new business minister says = Wise sensible daring measure! I'll fire my inept boss in a sweep!

(by Maurice Goddard)

'Stoptober' stop-smoking campaign launched in England

(BBC)

Photo: NHS

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'Stoptober' stop-smoking campaign launched in England = Condemning clean-up op? Strike a light! Stop and ban smog!

(by Robert Jordan)

Stoptober anti-smoking campaign launched by Government

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: looking4poetry

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Stoptober anti-smoking campaign launched by Government = Damn smoking by repeating lung cancer photos on TV, I'm beat!

(by Maurice Goddard)