Bardot threatens to become Russian if France kills elephants

(Euro News)

Photo: judacoregio

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Bardot threatens to become Russian if France kills elephants = So? Putin-the-Bear'll celebrate and soak the actress in Smirnoff!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Kate Middleton and Camilla Parker-Bowles at War!

(ShowbizSpy)

Photos: GhoztTramp, chego-chego

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Kate Middleton and Camilla Parker-Bowles at War! = A palace battle marks a tired wrinkled old woman!

(by Maurice Goddard)

UK's first hand transplant op

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: The Rocketeer

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UK's first hand transplant op: Grandfather with paralysed hand 'ecstatic' after pioneering eight-hour procedure = Refers to that new part as a second hand organ. Terrified, he had a fingerprint check! 'Tourist' rightly applauds pun.

(by Chris Sturdy)

Chavez battling 'severe' lung infection, respiratory failure

(CNN)

Photo: chavezcandanga

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Chavez battling 'severe' lung infection, respiratory failure = Venezuelan's cancer fight. Obit later? Figure on it. Rivals prey.

(by Rosie Perera)

Madonna Face Plants While Skiing In Switzerland

(The Inquisitr)

Photo: choupigloupi

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Madonna Face Plants While Skiing In Switzerland = Wan dazed gal thinks, "I can sell a fine snow imprint!"

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Shackleton's Epic Voyage Recreated By Explorers

(Sky News)

Photo: Frank Hurley

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Shackleton's Epic Voyage Recreated By Explorers = Report exceedingly brave chap's cool sea-trek. YES!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Hugh Hefner weds 'runaway bride' Crystal Harris at Playboy Mansion

(Vancouver Sun)

Photo: Josh Jensen

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Hugh Hefner weds 'runaway bride' Crystal Harris at Playboy Mansion = Lady is unaware, wife-hungry horny old-timer's a sharp baby-snatcher!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Why doesn't this country take more pride in itself?

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: hunxue-er

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Why doesn't this country take more pride in itself? = Note it: My UK pride's nowt if Charles is yet throned!
Why doesn't this country take more pride in itself? = From the inside, wretched UK royalty is not in step!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Charles Dickens statue to be erected against his dying wishes

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Penn State Special Collections Library

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Charles Dickens statue to be erected against his dying wishes = Seeing it, he'd cry: "What the dickens? Alas, base erection disgusts!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Drama in Washington as fiscal cliff looms

(AP)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

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Drama in Washington as fiscal cliff looms = An alarming cash flow fiasco finds I'm lost!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Plastic Christmas: Brits face festive debts after paying on credit

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: Images_of_Money

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Plastic Christmas: Brits face festive debts after paying on credit = Card-overspending habit's classic after-effect. Time's batty pit, sir!

(by Maurice Goddard)

The best foods for beating stress and recharging your body this Christmas

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Renée S.

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The best foods for beating stress and recharging your body this Christmas = Hint's NOT hot dogs or fatty burgers! Remedy's in fish dishes + cabbage + carrots!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Britain's end-of-year Olympic verdict: it was worth every penny

(The Guardian)
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Britain's end-of-year Olympic verdict: it was worth every penny = Manpower winner! Definitely head city's brave sporty victory!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Will your next burger be ground-up mealworms?

(Fox News)

Photo: iJammin

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Will your next burger be ground-up mealworms? = Bun too? Pummeled brown wrigglers are luxury!

(by Robert Jordan)

Change in UK housing stock means chimney problems for Father Christmas

(The Independent)

Photo: LadyDragonflyCC

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Change in UK housing stock means chimney problems for Father Christmas = Huh? Main high barrier can ensure shelf stacks of common empty stockings!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Bushmasters Disappearing From Shelves After Newtown

(ABC News)

Photo: the.myrmidon

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Bushmaster rifle = Left bruises, harm

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Celebrations in Mexico as world survives 'end of days'

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Lynn Friedman

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Celebrations in Mexico as world survives 'end of days' = Doomsday crisis averted; axis influences overblown.

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Gunman Went To College At 16: Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooter, Adam Lanza, Enrolled At Western Connecticut State

(The International Business Times)

Photo: torbakhopper

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Sandy Hook Elementary School, Connecticut = One man shocked local society, then country!

(by Adie Pena)

Newtown school gunman forced his way in, police say

(BBC)

Illustration: Daniel M. Reck

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Newtown school gunman forced his way in, police say = News: Now pains of icy agony. We mourn each child lost.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Christmas music makes us spend more

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Zellaby

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Christmas music makes us spend more = Sums speak it! Mesmeric sounds charm!

(by Maurice Goddard)