Lance Armstrong's Confession

(Huffington Post)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

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I, I Lance Edward Armstrong am, = am a mortal disgraced winner!

(by Vijay Menon)

Genes play role in grade school bullying, new study says

(Calgary Herald)

Illustration: Geoff Hutchison

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Genes play role in grade school bullying, new study says = Golly! Genealogy's way, scoundrelly, as in President Bush?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Horsemeat scandal: Experts blame deliberate swindle by foreign suppliers

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: LoopZilla

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A horsemeat scandal = Tesco has a darn meal!

(by Adie Pena)

Why don't we eat horse meat?

(Calgary Herald)

Photo: Eduardo Amorim

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Why don't we eat horse meat? = What? Eat my own hero steed??

(by Maurice Goddard)

To save a cathedral, marinate in olive oil

(MSNBC)

Photo: kalakeli

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Preservationists use olive oil to save York Minster = Look, visitors, it survives elements! Easy to repair, no?

(by Rosie Perera)

Scientists hate the GOP for a reason

(Salon)

Photo: jima

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Scientists hate the GOP for a reason = Ethics, sir! GOP tea-oafs aren't honest.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Preston Kemp

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Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are = Ay! How rogue Bush aped a loony arse guy?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Prince Charles: 'I'm feeling very old'

(BBC)

Illustration: PIX-JOCKEY

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Prince Charles: 'I'm feeling very old' = Refine overly cliched line Gramps!

(by Robert Jordan)

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Prince Charles: 'I'm feeling very old' = Hm? A forever silly declining creep!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Report: Lance-Oprah talk 'emotional'

(Fox Sports)

Photo: Vélocia

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Report: Lance-Oprah talk 'emotional' = Rampant Cheater: Look, atropine! LOL

(by Mike Hammond)

Why do Brits love American food?

(The Guardian)

Photo: cattoo

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Why do Brits love American food? = Wholesome fry addiction? Bravo!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Astronomy stunner: Massive quasar cluster too big for theory

(AlaskaDispatch)

Photo: NASA

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Astronomy stunner: Massive quasar cluster too big for theory = Our cosmos equates to VERY unfathomable starry stirring, son.

(by Maurice Goddard)

"It's just amazing": Kate Middleton's high praise for her first official portrait

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: The British Monarchy

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"It's just amazing": Kate Middleton's high praise for her first official portrait = I add: "Original historic hip-art stuff mirrors a stiff phantomlike jet set gaze!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Miss Universe Explains What She Is Looking For In A Man

(antimusic)

Photo: kortomomolu

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Miss Universe Explains What She Is Looking For In A Man = Hi! Man's in uniform, he's passionate, loving, & likes raw sex!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Diego-San, the astonishing 'robo-boy' that can smile and grimace just like a real baby

(Daily Mail)
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Diego-San, the astonishing 'robo-boy' that can smile and grimace just like a real baby = O! It's original! As a genial big-hearted object, cheeky bonny bastard is almost human!

(by Maurice Goddard)

90 pc body tattooed 'Avatar' in the running for Czech presidency

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Ondrej Kloucek

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Ninety p.c. body tattooed 'Avatar' in the running for Czech presidency = Pretty content, odd, bizarre, photogenic 'Vishnu deity' can earn fancy!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Why we trust brown-eyed girls over blue-eyed boys

(Daily Mail)

Photo: timailius

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Why we trust brown-eyed girls over blue-eyed boys = WOW! Very lush terribly sweet doe eyes burn, by God!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tell us: How would Martin Luther King unify America?

(USA Today)
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Tell us: How would Martin Luther King unify America? = Cry out: "Human kin! We'll all dream! I fire WITHOUT guns!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

David Bowie: still the man of mystique

(The Guardian)

Photo: Serjao Carvalho

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David Bowie: still the man of mystique = Visibly quite a deft old-time showman!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Wildfires rage across Australia amid searing heat

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Sascha Grant

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Wildfires rage across Australia amid searing heat = Air gust damage, as if all was charred in a rotisserie!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Totally blind mice get sight back

(BBC)

Photo: jonoakley

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Totally blind mice get sight back = Let balmy bitch get docking tails!

(by Robert Jordan)