Jessica Ennis's Don Valley Stadium will close

(BBC)

Photo: Sam Judson

Don Valley Stadium = Sadly, I'm not valued

(by Chris Sturdy)

Benedict XVI leaves Vatican on final day as Pope

(BBC)

Art: Dan Lacey

Situation Vacant = Vatican saint out

(by Chris Sturdy)

League Cup 2013: Michael Laudrup toasts greatest career win

(BBC)

Photo: Eustaquio Santimano

Swansea Manager, Michael Laudrup = Man has real drama - wins League Cup!

(by Chris Sturdy)

Mo Farah asked by US newsreader: 'Haven't you run before?'

(The Guardian)

Photo: DancesWithLight

New Orleans Half Marathon = Mo Farah ran. He's not all new!

(by Chris Sturdy)

Pope, near abdication, says pray "for me and next pope"

(Reuters)

Photo: West Midlands Police

Pope, near abdication, says pray "for me and next pope" = O! Soap opera fit: "Pray I repent and do penance by Xmas!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Benedict XVI Formally Ends His Papacy and Leaves Vatican

(The New York Times)

Photo: Josué Canals

The Pope's resignation = He, Priest, got a pension

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Co-op to offer fair trade coffins in UK

Co-op to offer fair trade coffins in UK (Digital Spy)

Photo: ambergris

Co-op to offer fair trade coffins in UK = Function for stiff ecofreak: aid poor!

(by Robert Jordan)

Ex-Chicago area police officer gets 38 years for third wife's murder; fourth wife missing

(Reuters)

Photo: Null Value

Former Chicago-area police officer Drew Peterson = Eager crime-concealer. Proof - corpse of a third wife

(by Aronas Pinchas)

The sins of Cardinal Mahony

(Washington Post)

Photo: maveric2003

The Cardinal Roger M. Mahony = Or a horny, mating, mad lecher

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Dogs are up for a lark in the dark

(The Daily Express)

Photo: wombatarama

Dogs are up for a lark in the dark = Pugs rank a raid of the larder ok

(by Robert Jordan)

The Duchess of Cambridge has too many clothes says Dame Vivienne Westwood

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: Tom Soper Photography

The Duchess of Cambridge has too many clothes = To somebody damn hot, huge cache fits her class!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Multimillion-dollar Belgian diamond heist

(News.com.au)

Photo: Kim Alaniz

Belgian diamond heist = Able idiot, gems in hand

(by Rosie Perera)

Pope forces out Cardinal Keith O'Brien

(The Guardian)

Photo: Lawrence OP

Cardinal Keith O'Brien = I in horrible naked act?

(by Adie Pena)

Trial by jury: should it be scrapped?

(MSN News)

Illustration: cali.org

Trial by jury: should it be scrapped? = Trusty? Probably prejudicial: shed!

(by Robert Jordan)

Thai couples marry underwater

(Digital Spy)

Photo: Matthew T Rader

Thai couples marry underwater = Cue a dry mother-in-law's rapture

(by Robert Jordan)

Henke Pistorius: Oscar Shot Reeva Steenkamp 'On Instinct,' Mistook Her For An Intruder

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Global Sports Forum

Oscar Leonard Carl Pistorius and Reeva Steenkamp = As police ask, "Can a star sprinter murder a loved one?"

(by Adie Pena)

The sins of Cardinal Mahony

(Washington Post)

Photo: maveric2003

The sins of Cardinal Mahony = A con man in sore shady filth

(by Maurice Goddard)

Sleep challenge facing astronauts

(The Daily Express)

Photo: NASA

Sleep challenge facing Mars astronauts = Eternal spaceflights: counsel anagrams!

(by Robert Jordan)

Horse DNA Found In Tesco Spaghetti Bolognese

(Huffington Post)

Photo: osde8info

Horse DNA Found In Tesco Spaghetti Bolognese = That...ah...food's no longer being inspected? So, sue!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Horse meat found in British supermarkets 'may be donkey'

(The Independent)

Photo: Klearchos Kapoutsis

Horse meat found in British supermarkets 'may be donkey' = Risky bite sure taken in: Proof's, mum had some, then brayed!

(by Maurice Goddard)