Fish is key to a longer life

(The Daily Express)

Photo: Omar Eduardo

Fish is key to a longer life = Fries in oil: they age folks

(by Robert Jordan)

Michael Caine: Don't call me 'sir'

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Manfred Werner

Do not call me 'sir' = Caine: most droll!

(by Janthakorn Thammajan)

Zumba Sex Scandal: Alexis Wright Pleads Guilty to 20 Counts

(ABC News)

Photo: USAG Vicenza

Alexis Wright = Sex with a girl

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Met Office defends forecasting

(MSN News)

Photo: DECCgovuk

Met Office defends forecasting = Mist or fog is effect and defence?

(by Robert Jordan)

Nelson Mandela breathing without difficulty - presidency

(BBC)

Photo: Festival Karsh Ottawa

Nelson Mandela breathing without difficulty - presidency = Sleepy, friendly, content humble giant, did win South Africa

(by Maurice Goddard)

Arizona man, 86, sentenced to probation after mercy killing of his ailing wife

(Fox News)

Photo: Gideon Tsang

Mercy killing = Crying - 'Kill me!'

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Lady Gaga tune stuck in your head? A tricky anagram will get rid of those annoying "earworms"

(Metro)

Photo: qthomasbower

A tricky anagram will get rid of those annoying earworms = I know how to forget arrant mimer Lady Gaga's inane lyrics

(by Chris Sturdy)

Antonin Scalia

(deathandtaxesmag)

Photo: The Higgs Boson

Antonin Scalia = I sanction anal

Kyle Busch wins Fontana after wreck

(ESPN)

Photo: Bristol Motor Speedway & Dragway

Kyle Busch wins Fontana after wreck = An effrot was lucky. The winner's back.

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Female anchor reads her own wedding proposal live on air after fiancé hijacks autocue.

(Daily Mail)

Female anchor reads her own wedding proposal live on air after fiance hijacks autocue. = Watch cute prank. Hero adores Jillian Pavlica, offers wifehood; see marriage announced.

(by Chris Sturdy)

Dutch legend Edgar Davids rescues stranded Barnet fans

(Yahoo! Eurosport)

Photo: Wikimedia

Dutch legend Edgar Davids rescues stranded Barnet fans = Dang! Netherlands dude's grand bus act deserves FA credit

(by Chris Sturdy)

Nighttime trips to the loo 'reduce productivity during the day'

(The Independent)

Photo: thejbird

Nighttime trips to the loo 'reduce productivity during the day' = Cited truth might not pity nocturia? Old gits did pee every hour!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Pope delights crowd of 150,000 in first balcony blessing

(The Sun)

Photo: Catholic Church (England and Wales)

Photos show new Pope Francis I waving to the crowd from the central balcony of St. Peter's Basilica = Worshippers clap, chat, wait below to see chosen pontiff's vocal show bit, "Don't Cry for me Argentina."

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Paedophilia is an illness, says top Catholic Cardinal

(Zee News)

Photo: Irish College

Paedophilia is an illness, says top Catholic Cardinal = That poise! Chronic old ass icily appals in denial, alas.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Paedophilia is an illness, says top Catholic Cardinal = Papist: Ooh, I call phallic scandal disease or... insanity!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Humble pope has complicated past

(CNN)

Photo: Catholic Church (England and Wales)

Francis, the "humble pope" = Not much belief, perhaps?

(by Rosie Perera)

Chewing gum 'aids concentration'

(Evening Standard)

Photo: tim ellis

Chewing gum 'aids concentration' = Nicotine gum's detaching a crown

(by Robert Jordan)

Obama Invites Republicans to Dinner in Bid to Renew Negotiations

(The San Francisco Chronicle)

Photo: The White House

Obama Invites Republicans to Dinner = President values brain-combination

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Wrigley to sell caffeinated chewing gum

(CNN)

Photo: Glyn Lowe Photoworks

Wrigley to sell caffeinated chewing gum = Now I can get effects legally: I'm wired. Ugh!

(by Rosie Perera)

A blackberry? It's a phone, isn't it...

(The Daily Express)

Photo: Capture Queen

A blackberry? It's a phone, isn't it... = Rabbit hasn't pointy, ickle ears

(by Robert Jordan)

North Korea vows end to nonaggression pacts after UN vote

(CNN)

Photo: CTBTO

North Korea vows end to nonaggression pacts = Danger grows, soon attack on environs. Stop, eh!

(by Rosie Perera)