The Anagram Times

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Cheating Husband's Mistress Reportedly Pushed Off Cliff By Wife

Cheating Husband's Mistress Reportedly Pushed Off Cliff By Wife = Declined trophy wife has a tiff, flings hubby's seducer from steps

(by Julian Lofts)

Egyptian president Morsi defies military ultimatum

(The Hamilton Spectator)

Photo: Joe in DC

The Egyptian president Morsi = Empty spirit. The end is near. Go!

(by Adie Pena)

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Gandolfini funeral a Sopranos-style send-off

(The New Zealand Herald)

Art: Dan Lacey

Gandolfini funeral a Sopranos-style send-off = NY's Italian opera. Sad felons snuffle for Don G

(by Julian Lofts)

Swiss seek to avert US charges against banks

(USA Today)

Photo: Buro Destruct

USA target Swiss banking confidentiality = US IRS wins, gets at info by attacking denial.

(by Jason Lofts)

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Death Valley temps may tie record as heat wave bakes West

(Fox News)

Photo: Stuck in Customs

The weather in Death Valley = Had heat wave. Hell eternity!

(by Adie Pena)

Monday, July 1, 2013

Rumoured girlfriend of Vladimir Putin breaks silence

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Wikimedia

Rumoured girlfriend of Vladimir Putin breaks silence = "Mr Putin in bed? Sordid, clumsier, foul, angrier vile freak!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Leaked NSA Documents Show How U.S. Is Bugging European Allies

(The Guardian)

Illustration: EFF

Leaked NSA Documents Show How U.S. Is Bugging European Allies = Suggests Cold War phobia - a genuine one. Whose idea?! Numskulls!

(by Rosie Perera)

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Mohamed Morsi has turned his back on Egypt's revolution

(The Guardian)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

Mohamed Morsi has turned his back on Egypt's revolution = Muslim Brotherhood guy's a mess, and even a thick poor nit!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Beaver Causes Internet And Cellphone Outage In New Mexico

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Wikimedia

Beaver Causes Internet And Cellphone Outage In New Mexico = Chaos in Taos! Puerile rodent vengeance. Unite New Mex cable!

(by Julian Lofts)

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

North West Meaning Explained: Kimye Baby Name 'Inspirational' Not 'Directional'

(Huffington Post)

Kim-Kardashian-Kanye-West-venezia-compleanno-alexis-it-15

Photo: myalexis

Why is Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's daughter named "North"? = Yes, what were Dad and Mum (a hard skank) thinking? As theory is: N.

(by Jason Lofts)

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Monica Lewinsky, Bill Clinton items up for auction

(USA Today)

Illustration: kokopelli67

Monica Lewinsky, Bill Clinton items up for auction = We can buy politician's cum left on skirt? Million, no!?

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Monday, June 24, 2013

Nelson Mandela 'at peace', says daughter

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Festival Karsh Ottawa

Nelson Mandela 'at peace', says daughter = Close up, a saga meant: 'sadly near the end'.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Silvio Berlusconi sentenced to seven years in jail in bunga bunga sex trial

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

Silvio Berlusconi sentenced to seven years in jail in bunga bunga sex trial = "Il Cavaliere" enjoys erotic sexual nonsense but lands in sin bin. Bugger Vita!

(by Julian Lofts)

Silvio Berlusconi found guilty of paying for sex with minor

(Los Angeles Times)

Photo: alessio sartore

Silvio Berlusconi found guilty of paying for sex with minor = Icy ruling: Big-mouthed foxy villain is sure off to prison now!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Martha Stewart Joint: 'Of Course' She Knows How To Roll One'

(Huffington Post)

Martha Stewart talks about astronaut food

Photo: ptufts

Martha Stewart: "Of course I know how to roll a joint." = Ow! What rhetoric to toke marijuana. Snort follows!

(by Julian Lofts)

Sunday, June 23, 2013

The Anagram Times Q&A with Jason Lofts

Reporter Jason Lofts is the newest addition to The Anagram Times staff. He reports for us from Switzerland. He joined us just a few month ago but with his quirky anagrams he has charmed everyone here at the world headquarters of The Anagram Times. He is prolific and files dispatches regularly.

We don't know how he is able to make so many quality anagrams so often, but we suspect he focuses his eyes on the letters and they quiver and fall in place to arrange themselves according to his wishes. It's time to report on the reporter to bring news behind the news. Read on for a Q&A with The Anagram Times reporter Jason Lofts.

Q How did you get into anagrams?
A My mother in New Zealand taught me and my identical twin brother Julian how to solve cryptic crossword puzzles when we were about 10 or 12.

Q Do you remember the first anagram you made?
A No, far too long ago. A school pal and I started compiling by hand an ambitious anagram dictionary, but we never finished.

Q Do you have a favorite anagram?
A I particularly like medium-length ones (< 100 words) where there are several great alternative solutions to be extracted from the same source text, often by way of an "anagram duel" with my twin brother, e.g. the six we found on "Sir Denis Thatcher, Baronet, MBE, TD - onetime husband of Margaret" (The Anagram Times, Apr 12, 2013).

Q How do you pick a news headline to anagram?
A It depends. Either I see an interesting headline when I receive e.g. financial news alerts or I just open Google News. Sometimes colleagues send me headlines. I've even done an anagram first and then looked for a suitable news headline. I instinctively know if a headline or derivative source text has promise.

Q Describe the moment when you are working on anagramming a phrase and the last few letters just fall into place and you realize that you have an outstanding anagram on your hands.
A Recently when I finished my complete anagram poem of Wilfred Owen's "Anthem For Doomed Youth" (510 letters) [See the Anagram Hall of Fame], it really blew my mind and gave me a lasting high ("YES-S-S-S!!!"), although it was equally satisfying to perfect it after a night's sleep and reflection and then to get it accepted for publication in Word Ways: The Journal of Recreational Linguistics.

Jason Lofts: By his daughter, Claire, 10

Q Some people use anagrams for divination. Do you think there's a mystical angle to anagrams?
A Most definitely -- in a tongue-in-cheek way. I have developed a private investigation tool which I fancifully call the "neo-Liar" test (nomen est omen - Lofts's Incriminating Anagram Result test)! By the way, I can also divine water using a forked stick.

Q What do you do in your non-anagram life?
A I'm a qualified lawyer (in NZ and England) with a MBA in Finance (taught entirely in German) but for the last nine years I've worked in Geneva, Switzerland for a trust company as director, company secretary, risk & compliance/ legal and MLRO (Money Laundering Reporting Officer). Outside of work I have a wife, two kids aged 13 & 10, and a garden.

Jason is a member of STEP

Q Approximately how long do you spend on an anagram?
A Too long on frustrating ones that end up not working out! Also on those favorite ones with multiple solutions.

Q Anything else you'd like to add?
A Nearly six years ago, aged 48, I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. I have the impression that certain dopaminergic medication I'm taking has made me more creative in a literary sense (apart from anagrams: satiric verse, parodies, jokes, double entendres, etc. in English, French, and German) but my neurologist says the dopamine has simply restored me almost to my previous "normal" self. So not quite the same as Lance Armstrong and his "more than wind-assisted performance"!

The side effects of my Parkinson's medication include various forms of compulsive disorder (obsessive behaviour) but a friend remarked drily that, with my anagrams, it was a case of compulsive ORDER (or RE-order)!

Selected anagrams by Jason Lofts: