Sprinters run from journalists' dope questions

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: pirano Bob R

Sprinters run from journalists' dope questions = Inquest: Justin slurps steroids - profane or norm?

(by Julian Lofts)

Siberian 'Jesus' Vissarion, Former Traffic Cop, Leads Patriarchal Russian Cult That Believes In Aliens

(Huffington Post)

Siberian 'Jesus' Vissarion, Former Traffic Cop, Leads Patriarchal Russian Cult That Believes In Aliens = Paternalistic Shaman/Avatar/Lord inculcates beliefs in his junior friars re: UFOs, space tribes, Elvis....

(by Julian Lofts)

Trayvon Martin's Parents Speak Out on Not Guilty Verdict

(Time)

Photo: werthmedia

George Zimmerman's acquitted - not guilty of illegal gun crimes = O, so crazy energetic gunman quite legal midst glimmer of guilt?

(by Jason Lofts)

Snowden has enough information to cause US government worst damage in history

(Fox News)

Photo: ubiquit23

Snowden had enough secret information to cause US government worst damage in history = Omigod! Showing courage isn't treachery. NSA informant Ed uses venom, threatens to wound!

(by Jason Lofts)

Snail Facial Treatment Crawls Into Japanese Clinic

(Huffington Post)

Snail Facial Treatment Crawls Into Japanese Clinic = A sensational, farcical jawline cream, lip tint, scent....?

(by Julian Lofts)

Obama lauds 'kinder and gentler' Bush

(USA Today)

Photo: Scorpions and Centaurs

Obama lauds 'kinder and gentler' George Bush = To B.O., G.B. seems a deranged drunken liar (laugh)

(by Jason Lofts)

Florida man pleads not guilty to shooting teen to death over loud music

(NBC News)

Photo: Mike Saechang

Florida man pleads not guilty to shooting teen to death over loud music = Police noted fool "stood his ground", emulating Trayvon's ultimate death.

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Jury finds George Zimmerman not guilty on all counts

(Fox News)

Photo: G Laury Photography

Jury finds George Zimmerman not guilty on all counts = Girl-only courtroom finalizes judgment: gun amnesty.

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Three hurt in Pamplona bull run

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: wongoz

Three hurt in Pamplona bull run = Hah - run, rout, trample in bullpen

(by Julian Lofts)

Jury in George Zimmerman trial faces tough task

(Los Angeles Times)

Illustration: DonkeyHotey

Jury in George Zimmerman trial faces tough task = No fracture, major marks? Meeting his gaze, "Guilty!"

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Smoking Cage: Ibrahim Yucel, Turkish Man, Locks Head In Cage All Day In Attempt To Quit

(Huffington Post)

Ibrahim Yucel, Turkish man, locks head in cage all day in attempt to quit smoking = Cigarette habit-killing Kutahya Man in the Iron Mask coldly quits, dumps Cameo

(by Julian Lofts)

DARPA Unveils Atlas Humanoid Robot

(PC Magazine)

Humanoid named Atlas = Idea: Almost human DNA

(by Aronas Pinchas)

New life for obese orangutan

(UPI)

Photo: s.sukiwan

New regime for obese orang-utan = Go wean - no beer, fat or meringues

(by Julian Lofts)

Cheating Husband's Mistress Reportedly Pushed Off Cliff By Wife

(Huffington Post)

Cheating Husband's Mistress Reportedly Pushed Off Cliff By Wife = Declined trophy wife has a tiff, flings hubby's seducer from steps

(by Julian Lofts)

Egyptian president Morsi defies military ultimatum

(The Hamilton Spectator)

Photo: Joe in DC

The Egyptian president Morsi = Empty spirit. The end is near. Go!

(by Adie Pena)

Gandolfini funeral a Sopranos-style send-off

(The New Zealand Herald)

Art: Dan Lacey

Gandolfini funeral a Sopranos-style send-off = NY's Italian opera. Sad felons snuffle for Don G

(by Julian Lofts)

Swiss seek to avert US charges against banks

(USA Today)

Photo: Buro Destruct

USA target Swiss banking confidentiality = US IRS wins, gets at info by attacking denial.

(by Jason Lofts)

Death Valley temps may tie record as heat wave bakes West

(Fox News)

Photo: Stuck in Customs

The weather in Death Valley = Had heat wave. Hell eternity!

(by Adie Pena)

Rumoured girlfriend of Vladimir Putin breaks silence

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Wikimedia

Rumoured girlfriend of Vladimir Putin breaks silence = "Mr Putin in bed? Sordid, clumsier, foul, angrier vile freak!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Leaked NSA Documents Show How U.S. Is Bugging European Allies

(The Guardian)

Illustration: EFF

Leaked NSA Documents Show How U.S. Is Bugging European Allies = Suggests Cold War phobia - a genuine one. Whose idea?! Numskulls!

(by Rosie Perera)