Ariel Castro's home demolished, he faces life plus 1,000 years in jail

(USA Today)

Kidnapper Ariel Castro's home demolished, he is still facing life plus a thousand years in prison = He kept three girls for a decade in his place. So sad! Our painful loss, it has inspired many millions.

(by Josiah Winslow)

UN urged to probe abuses by Syria's Assad

(Fox News)

Cartoon: FreedomHouse

UN is now urged to probe latest abuses by Syria's Bashir al-Assad = Seen how a rabid assassin (BA) probably uses ugly sadist torture?

(by jason Lofts)

Iran's leader reaches out to US, vows to resolve nuclear row

(Reuters)

Photo: Wikimedia

Iran's leader reaches out to US, vows to resolve nuclear row = Rouhani tells to overseas: Save, cure, rescue world. NO to war!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Signs of progress in childhood obesity fight

Signs of progress in childhood obesity fight (CNN)

Photo: Ed Yourdon

Signs of progress in war against childhood obesity = Girth crisis done, as fat boys/girls now in good shape

(by Rosie Perera)

Python escapes from Canadian pet store and kills two young brothers as they sleep

(The Independent)

Photo: spisharam

Two young boys killed by python that escaped from Canadian pet store = Boa constricted goofy puny kids. Wept - a lamentable death. Phony story?

(by Julian Lofts)

Escaped Python In Canada Responsible For Deaths Of Two Young Boys, Police Say

(Huffington Post)

Photo: fabiogis50

Boys killed by python that escaped from pet store = Snake plotted, forcibly smothered happy tots. Bye!

(by Rosie Perera)

Washington Post Sold To Amazon's Jeff Bezos

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Mike Licht

Washington Post Sold To Amazon's Jeff Bezos = Boss's staff to adopt online jazz news? Oh, OMG!

(by Rosie Perera)

Divorce served up to Nigella in 70 seconds

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: 禁书网中国禁闻

Judge served up divorce to Nigella Lawson in seventy seconds = Conclude: jowled advertising envoy strangles envied spouse

(by Julian Lofts)

If T.E. Lawrence -- Lawrence of Arabia -- could see the news out of the Middle East today! A new book says he would say, "I told you so."

(WBUR)


Thomas Edward (abbreviated T.E. - Ed.) Lawrence's rather huge book "Seven Pillars of Wisdom" (a Penguin Modern Classics edition) = How brave disingenuous Christian Arabist T.E. rode camels, massed forces, won war, debated, helped king develop into realm...

(by Jason Lofts)

Clients Drop $180 for Bird Poop Facials at NYC Spa

(ABC News)

Photo: Lori Greig

Clients are dropping one hundred eighty dollars for bird poop facials at NYC spa = Snobs tried phials of nightingale crap for old, dry, ruddy appearance. Stop lie, con!

(by Jason Lofts)

Also see Snail Facial Treatment Crawls Into Japanese Clinic

Inside Assange's embassy: 'I sleep in the ladies' loos'

(News.com.au)

Photo: Takver

Inside Assange's Ecuadorian embassy: 'I sleep in the ladies' loos = Pale besieged dissident in consular oasis is alone. Yes, a shame.

(by Julian Lofts)

Bradley Manning acquitted of aiding the enemy

(Reuters)

Photo: savebradley

The mad leaker Bradley Manning's "aiding the enemy" charges have just been dropped = Gee! My God! Very hated man and super hacker learned spending jail time? Bah! He's bent!

(by Josiah Winslow)

Dog Eats Paralyzed Man's Testicle

(Huffington Post)

Image: State Farm

Dog Eats Paralysed Man's Testicle = Alas, pet mangles testis. Doc ready...

(by Julian Lofts)

Dog Eats Paralyzed Man's Testicle = Zany pet ate ill master's sac (Ed.: God!)

Dog Eats Paralysed Man's Testicle = A pet mangles sac. Dad (testily): "Sore!"

(by Jason and Julian Lofts)

Study: Sea-level rise threatens 1,400 US cities

(USA Today)

Photo: Cherrylynx

Study: Sea-level rise threatens US major metropolises including Miami, Virginia Beach and Jacksonville = Not just Venice sinking on map. I jest, blame dam shortages. Chaos! I yell: "I'll survive!" I erred, am near-suicidal...

(by Jason Lofts)

A real-life diamond heist on the Riviera

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Amarand Agasi

A real-life diamond heist on the French Riviera = Hoorah! Thief flees in raid in recent live drama!

(by Jason Lofts)

Versace mansion for sale in 'auction of the century'

(MSN)

Photo: joannova

Gianni Versace Miami mansion for sale in 'auction of the century' = Rich foreigners envy onanistic mausoleum. "Ciao" - an intimate fan.

(by Julian Lofts)

JFK Second Shooter? New Documentary Makes Radical Claim

(Huffington Post)

Image: cliff1066

John F K Second Shooter? New Documentary Makes Radical Claim = Documents show a mad jerk shot Kennedy. O, no miracle - farcical!

(by Jason Lofts)

Giant magnet resembling flying saucer attracts rock-star status on 3,200-mile trip to Illinois

(Washington Post)

Photo: modot_stl_photos

A giant magnet resembling a flying saucer attracted rock-star attention on 3200-mile trip = 2030: Terrestrials on permanent alert! Mad UFO gyration, galactic attack beginning. Stem it!

(by Jason Lofts)

South Africa Marvels At James Bond-Style Shooting Of Czech Fugitive Radovan Krejcir

(Huffington Post)

South Africa Marvels At James Bond-Style Shooting Of Czech Fugitive Radovan Krejcir = Criminals' machine gunshot attack fazes Jo'burg officers. Threat void. Slav overjoyed.

(by Julian Lofts)

Pussy Riot's Nadezhda Tolokonnikova denied parole

(BBC)

Photo: Cea.

Pussy Riot member denied parole = Putin dabs eye, implored remorse

(by Julian Lofts)