'Drunk' pilot to appear in court

(The Daily Express)

Photo: Julie

'Drunk' pilot to appear in court = Drink ... clear prop ... put it on auto ...?

(by Robert Jordan)

Nike puts foot in it with 'Black and Tan' trainers

(The Guardian)

Photo: Dustin Diaz

Nike puts foot in it with 'Black and Tan' trainers = An apt titbit - Irish cannot fit Dunk Low sneaker

(by Julian Lofts)

Syria details part of chemical arsenal, more to come

(Reuters)

Photo: Steve Rhodes

Exclusive: Syria gives details of part of its chemical arsenal, must reveal more = Live topic: Reclusive foe has sarin, mustard gas, VX, i.e. mortal meal! Ecstasy? Relief!

(by Jason Lofts)

Putin Says He May Again Run for President

(The Wall Street Journal)

Photo: Limbic

Putin Says He May Again Run for President = Saying: A fair retirement? Sounds unhappy!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

France set to outlaw child pageants

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Glitter Girls Pageants

France set to outlaw child pageants = Stop a lunatic craft onstage. Lewd, eh?

(by Julian Lofts)

Hong Kong couple jailed for torturing maid who was 'forced to wear diaper'

(Reuters)

Photo: Curtis Gregory Perry

Hong Kong couple is jailed for torturing maid who was 'forced to wear a diaper' = Awful wicked pair who harm Indonesian for erotic sport are judged, go to gaol

(by Jason Lofts)

French moving to ban child beauty pageants: Should we?

(CNN)

Photo: Glitter Girls Pageants

French lawmakers to vote on child beauty pageant ban = What? Parents couldn't market fine baby cleavage?! Oh no!

(by Rosie Perera)

Assad: Syria needs one year to destroy chemical weapons

(BBC)

Illustration: Roberto Rizzato

Assad: Syria needs one year to destroy chemical weapons = Don't dare to delay! Cease one worry - yes, impeach assassin!

(by Jason Lofts)

Navy Yard gunman told police he was hearing voices

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: zennie62

Navy Yard gunman told police he was hearing voices = Vividly - Leonard Cohen, Amy Winehouse, scat, gang rap....

(by Julian Lofts)

Starbucks to customers: Please don't bring your guns!

(CNN)

Illustration: Fuzzy Gerdes

Starbucks to customers: Please don't bring your guns! = Don't succumb to NRA pressure. Gutless "bang!" too risky.

(by Rosie Perera)

Obama suggests tougher checks might have prevented DC shooting

(CNN)

Photo: zennie62

Shocked cracker bought gun? = Tougher background checks!

(by Rosie Perera)

Jurassic Park no closer to reality

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: jeck_crow

Jurassic Park no closer to reality = Raptor clones a joke? Truly a crisis!

(by Julian Lofts)

Zanzibar arrests 15 acid attack suspects

(BBC)

Map: Wikimedia

Zanzibar police arrest several acid attack suspects = Palaver: Cops seized brazen caustic attackers. Trials?

(by Jason Lofts)

Miss America crowns first Indian American winner, Nina Davuluri

(Los Angeles Times)

Photo: AgeOwns.com

The Miss America Nina Davuluri = USA: I value Indians' charm & merit

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Frog photobombs NASA launch

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: NASA Goddard

Frog photobombs NASA launch = Flash, bang... upshot carbon, MOO!

(by Robert Jordan)

Virgins' Blood Request By Peking University Cancer Hospital Has Some Seeing Red

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Moyan Brenn

Virgins' Blood Request By Peking University Cancer Hospital Has Some Seeing Red = Vampires seek virus antibody result, incensing poor shy "celibates". Go grin, eh! QED.

(by Julian Lofts)

Miss America Nina Davuluri brushes off racist criticism

(The Guardian)

So, Miss America Nina Davuluri brushed off racist criticism! = Beautiful Indian "Dr" is victorious. Racism schism mars farce!

(by Jason Lofts)

Ronaldo renews contract with Real Madrid

(Yahoo! Sports)

Illustration: tsevis

Ronaldo to renew his contract with Spain's Real Madrid = Soccer's horrid Lothario airs plan: didn't want new team

(by Jason Lofts)

Take the Gun, Eat the Cannoli

(Huffington Post)

Take the Gun, Eat the Cannoli = Haunting tea cake telethon

(by Robert Jordan)

Baby Elephant Cries For 5 Hours After Mom Attacks, Rejects Him

(Huffington Post)

Baby Elephant Cries For Five Hours After Mom Attacks, Rejects Him = A joyless birth - Mum's a bitch. Forever a most effete pink character

(by Julian Lofts)