Autopsy blames impact and fire for actor Paul Walker's death

(CNN)

Photo: dfirecop

Autopsy blames impact and fire for actor Paul Walker's death = Doctor: "A fatal smash. Trauma ferocity, burns killed papa." Weep!

[Paul Walker leaves behind a 15-year-old daughter]

(by Jason Lofts)

Naked hotel guest who burst out of cupboard with hose pipe up his bottom walks free from jail

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: Nhoj Leunamme

Naked hotel guest who burst out of a cupboard with a hose pipe up his bottom walked free from jail = WTF? Toked up rogue Joseph Small urinated, wet carpet. How abused staff boil, abhor him. OK, out! (I hope)

(by Jason Lofts)

Bob Dylan sued for alleged racism over remarks about Croatians

(The Guardian)

Photo: Stoned59

Bob Dylan sued for alleged racism over remarks about Croatians = Old crooner sabotaged by a fearsome slur. Bad karma! Civil unrest!

(by Julian Lofts)

Here's What You Need to Know About the Bird-Flu Case in Hong Kong

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: EarthOwned

Bird-Flu Cases in Hong Kong = SOS! Beginning of hard luck

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Underwater hotel rooms: Is down becoming the new up?

(BBC)


Underwater hotel rooms: Is down becoming the new up? = A wet condominium, neoprene bed rugs? The worst! Howl!

(by Julian Lofts)

So, men and women's brains are wired differently - but it's not that simple

(The Guardian)

Photo: watchmojo

So, men and women's brains are wired differently - but it's not that simple = Man brays: "It's True! Blonde wife's from another planet in dim-wittedness!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Australian Thalidomide victims settle class action

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: 4lfie

Australian Thalidomide victims settle class action = A civil suit? O, it's that old 'armless anti-emetic scandal.....

(by Julian Lofts)

Argentine car mechanic invents device to help difficult births

(The Daily Telegraph)


Argentine car mechanic invents device to help difficult births = Vaunt epic "child-fetcher" (obstetric machine delivering infants)

(by Jason Lofts)

Moment divers found man trapped alive in sunken ship

(BBC)


Moment divers found a Nigerian cook trapped alive in sunken ship = O mindful Neptune's divine air pocket saving damp Harrison Okene

(by Chris Sturdy)

Medical Mystery: Student Stops Needing Sleep

(Yahoo!)

Illustration: Frits Ahlefeldt

Cristina Speirs = Re: it's nap crisis

(by Aronas Pinchas)

This Beauty Treatment Involving Eels Will Literally Make Your Penis Shrivel With Fear

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Trevira1

This beauty treatment involving eels will literally make your penis shrivel with fear = Shriek! I've vile slimy little Asian swamp eel entering fully by urethra! Oh, won't it travel?

(by Jason Lofts)

Ex-UBS banker Weil agrees to extradition to US

(Swissinfo)

Photo: twicepix

Ex-UBS banker Weil agrees to extradition to US = IRS being outed - likes to exert war on tax abuse

(by Jason Lofts)

Why Americans Can't Lose Weight

(24/7 Wall St.)

Photo: Malingering

Why Americans Can't Lose Weight = Many watch calories stewing, eh?

(by Robert Jordan)

Why Americans Can't Lose Weight = Why? Manic eaters then swig Cola!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Why Americans Can't Lose Weight = Now I eat, chewing starchy meals

(by Jason Lofts)

Why Americans Can't Lose Weight = Warnings while they eat Mac's & Co?

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Do elephants grieve like people do?

(BBC)

Photo: rageforst

Do elephants grieve like people do? = O! Grave deep pine look spelled it, eh?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Berlusconi Accused of Bribing 'Bunga Bunga' Witnesses

(Time)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Berlusconi Accused of Bribing 'Bunga Bunga' Witnesses = Buccaneer SB fornicated, was using bungs, i.e. lubing? SOB!

(by Jason Lofts)

The word bung is a slang for a bribe, as is lubing.

Barack Obama tells Hollywood it has 'responsibility' on gun violence

(The Daily Telegraph)

Chart: Cory M. Grenier

Barack Obama tells Hollywood it has to demonstrate more 'responsibility' on gun violence = No balding Bruce Willis or no tormented macho Sylvester Stallone. Boohoo. A mistake. A pity!

(by Julian Lofts)

Judge rejects OJ Simpson's bid for retrial

(BBC)

Photo: Project M·A·R·C

Judge has rejected OJ Simpson's bid for retrial = Mr OJS in jail, depressed. Hard to beg for justice!

(by Jason Lofts)

Obama defends Iran policy amid Israel anger

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: marsmet546

Obama defends Iran policy amid Israel anger = An American Pres. said: 'Brief, mainly good deal!'

(by Aronas Pichas)

Saatchi accused Nigella Lawson of drug-taking, court hears

(BBC)

Photo: Saima

Saatchi accused Nigella Lawson of drug-taking, court hears = Chef took cocaine (a Class A drug) during a wealth sting? A slur!

(by Jason Lofts)

Mother and dead son's de facto in bitter legal battle over ashes

(Western Australia News)

Photo: kundalini

Mother and dead son's de facto in bitter legal battle over ashes = The 'dead bit' forgotten as clan bad lot seethe over lad's remains

(by Mark McNamara)