At least two killed as storms tear through Arkansas, Mississippi

(One News Page)

Photo: Chris Ford

At least two were killed as storms tear through Arkansas and Mississippi = A pessimist woe grips NE. A star drama as latest killer winds trash, k.o. South

(by Jason Lofts)

US mom uses social media to scatter son's ashes

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Sacha Fernandez

US mom uses social media to scatter son's ashes = So he urned (sic) a 'simulcast' - Ma tosses same soot

(by Julian Lofts)

Offensive tweet incurs wrath of online world

(Stuff.co.nz)


Offensive tweet incurs wrath of online world = Ow! We find her worst racist effluent vile. No! No!

(by Julian Lofts)

World's first artificial heart implant a success

(TVNZ)


The world's first artificial heart implant a success = Will cardiac machine parts rust/fail? The stress of it!

(by Julian Lofts)

Angels exist but have no wings, says Catholic 'angelologist'

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Freestone Wilson

Angels exist but have no wings, says Catholic 'angelologist' = Solving a bogus existential angst cliche - was a ghostly one

(by Julian Lofts)

PS: What angels look like as described in the Bible? See illustrations here.

NSA leaks: UK and US spying targets revealed

(BBC)

Illustration: Joe Pemberton

NSA leaks: UK and US spying targets revealed = Vast sneaky stalking grasped EU, UN leaders...

(by Jason Lofts)

Obama sends signal to Russia, appointing Billie Jean King and Caitlin Cahow to Olympic delegation

(Raw Story)

President Obama sends signal to Russia, appointing Billie Jean King and Caitlin Cahow to Olympic delegation = Inside scoop: Lesbian selection patronising jilt and degrading blow to anti-gay man, i.e. alpha male sicko Putin

(by Jason Lofts)

Who's Broke in America

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Franco Folini

A poverty in the USA = Ah, it never pays out!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Chris Brown's probation revoked over D.C. fight; jail could follow rehab stint

(CNN)

Photo: Eva Rinaldi

Chris Brown's probation revoked over D.C. fight; jail could follow rehab stint = Row, provocation... brash lover basher dolt CB inflicted wounds. Fright... like OJ?

(by Jason Lofts)

Ikea toy wolf Lufsig gets new name after its claim to fame

(South China Morning Post)

Photo: Yuen Yan

Ikea toy Lufsig gets new name after its claim to fame = Wackiest smutty name for female genitalia fits ego

(by Julian Lofts)

Snow Falls In Cairo For The First Time In More Than 100 Years

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Wendy

Snow Falls In Cairo For The First Time In More Than Hundred Years = Wherein unfamiliar cold from air and shiny frost on the streets

(by Aronas Pinchas)

The return of the female condom?

(BBC)

Photo: Emily Correia

Female condom = Come, fond male!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

The return of the female condom? = "A turnoff!" - Oh, delete her comment

(by Julian Lofts)

Bruno Mars beats out Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift as he is named Billboard's Artist Of The Year after selling nearly 2M records

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Chrizta T.

Billboard Artist of the Year: 1. Bruno Mars 2. Taylor Swift 3. Justin Timberlake ... LAST Miley Cyrus = 1. It's... BM! 2. Really tarty also-ran 3. Just a burnt out Bilbo ... Ire! Smiley failed. 'Twerky for Christmas'

(by Jason Lofts)

Bruce Jenner May Flatten His Adam's Apple Through Plastic Surgery

(Huffington Post)

Photo: jla0379

Bruce May Flatten His Adam's Apple Through Plastic Surgery = Olympic star - he regrets hump. Cartilageplasty? Uh, bad! Snafu!

(by Julian Lofts)

Fox News host Megyn Kelly stands by 'Santa is white' comments, calls critics 'humorless'

(Yahoo! News)

The Daily Show
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'Santa Claus and Jesus Christ are white men' = Certain, man, she just was unleashed racist

(by Aronas Pinchas)

James Bond's drinking would have killed him say Nottingham doctors

(Nottingham Post)

Photo: Edmond Wells

James Bond's drinking would have killed him say Nottingham doctors = Drank a lot: Jameson bonded whisky, gin, mild stout, LVMH... hic, groan... dies!

(by Jason Lofts)

The poisoning of the Pacific: USA in danger?

(Pravda)

Photo: Hamed Saber

The poisoning of the Pacific: USA in danger? = Causing the fish to die. Go profane in panic!

(by Jason Lofts)

Nigella Lawson and Charles Saatchi 'lied in court', Elisabetta Grillo says

(BBC)

Photo: Saima

Nigella Lawson and Charles Saatchi 'lied in court', Elisabetta Grillo says = Tallyho! A card swindle. Latest shrill cocaine-abusing allegations arise

(by Jason Lofts)

Docs explain why James Bond prefers his martinis 'shaken, not stirred'

(Los Angeles Times)

Photo: James Vaughan

Doctors explain why Bond prefers his martinis 'shaken, not stirred' = Header: Tremors - spy drowns in drink - toxic habit shortens lifespan

(by Julian Lofts)

Simulations back up theory that Universe is a hologram

(Nature)

Photo: NASA

Simulations back up theory that Universe is hologram = To that, normal skeptics (or even I) say, "Humbug! Hilarious!"

(by Dharam Khalsa)