Disguised reporter tries to sneak into Schumacher's hospital room

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Motorclan

A disguised reporter tries to sneak into Michael Schumacher's hospital room in Grenoble = Horror! Prank priest (media leech) lied, began issuing last rites to comatose hero Schumi. No!

(by Julian Lofts)

Beyonce criticised for sampling Challenger Space Shuttle disaster in love song

(Metro)

Beyonce criticised for sampling Challenger Space Shuttle disaster in love song hit = Cor, indiscreet lapse by accomplished singer - even astronaut ghosts feel it chilling!

(by Jason Lofts)

Michael Schumacher 'fighting for life' after ski accident

(BBC)

Photo: exit1979

Racing ace Schumacher 'fighting for life' after ski accident near Meribel = In effect, acceleration skiing harmed his cerebrum. A cliffhanger. Tragic.

(by Julian Lofts)

Naked Bride: Couple Arrested After They Got Married Completely Nude While Crowd Watched

(Egistville)

Photo: M.G. Kafkas

The bride Gypsy Taub and groom Jamyz Smith = Jumpy zest? Both did shaggy, bare matrimony

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Miley Cyrus And Kellan Lutz Fuel Dating Rumors In Las Vegas

(Huffington Post)


Miley Cyrus and Kellan Lutz fuel dating rumors in Las Vegas = A ditzy singer and smug male actor's funky lull. Unreal lives.

(by Jason Lofts)

Second Blast Hits Russia, Raising Olympic Fears

(The New York Times)

Photo: foxmental

The Second Blast Hits Russia on a Monday , Raising Olympic Fears = Ghastly end. Bus dynamite assassination. Moral: price for Sochi?

(by Jason Lofts)

Surgeon "branded initials on to patient's liver"

(The Times)

Photo: Army Medicine

Surgeon "branded his initials on to patient's liver" = Insensitive Dr "Leonardo" autographs in bile tints

(by Julian Lofts)

Miley Cyrus Bares Midriff In Crop Top, Low-Cut Suspender Skirt

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Vivian Arita

Miley Cyrus bares her midriff in a crop top, low-cut suspender skirt = Furious improper dirty twerks by music princess. A farce - hell, don't!

(by Jason Lofts)

We still want to cast Vladimir Putin out, say freed Pussy Riot members

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Playing Futures

We still want to cast Vladimir Putin out, say freed Pussy Riot members = Bawdy feminists protest at a most wily, vulturous President. Miracle!

(by Julian Lofts)

We still want to cast Vladimir Putin out, say freed Pussy Riot members = Move of witty liberated musicians: Well, tatty Russian Pres. must drop!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Henri Rechatin, Tightrope Walker Who Crossed Niagara Falls, Dies

(Huffington Post)

Henri Rechatin, Tightrope Walker Who Crossed Niagara Falls, Dies = St-Etienne high wire walker, ascends God's altar chair for halo. RIP

(by Julian Lofts)

Suspect in killing of Australian Chris Lane tweeted: 'time to start taken life's'

(CNN)

Photo: Nicole G

A suspect in killing of Australian Chris Lane tweeted: "time to start taken life's" (sic) = Gall at Chief Keef rap line. Isn't it to title murder count assailant as sickest swine?

(by Jason Lofts)

Brain damage fear hits junior American football

(The Daily Telegraph)

Illustration: Judy Breck

Brain damage fear hits junior American football = A lot of jarring can bruise brain. Aid - a foam helmet?

(by Julian Lofts)

Did Nigella Lawson Really Lie About Her Drug Use?

(Marie Claire)

Photo: Taku

Nigella Lucy Lawson's a star chef = A saucy wench's flagrant lies. LOL!

(by Jason Lofts)

Secret Life of Walter Mitty, review

(The Daily Telegraph)


The Secret Life of Walter Mitty = Stiller - effete twit or ace? (myth)

(by Julian Lofts)

Bill Gates outs himself as Reddit user's secret Santa

(The Daily Telegraph)

Bill Gates outs himself as Reddit user's secret Santa = Sigh - detest it as absurd case of relentless 'altruism'

(by Julian Lofts)

Nigella Lawson faces police drugs probe

(KCCI News)

Photo: Saima Says

Nigella Lawson (Saatchi) faces police drugs probe = Coppers: Was L's grand habit illegal use of cocaine?

(by Jason Lofts)

From nightclub waster to world champion: The amazing story of Stuey Hall

(Yahoo! Eurosport)

Photo: Adam Fagen

Stuey Hall: From nightclub waster to world champion = How a hellbent crusty pugilist from Darlo won match

(by Julian Lofts)

Pussy Riot Members Released From Prison, Slam Russian Government

(Rolling Stone)

Photo: Filippo

Pussy Riot members released from prison, slam Russian government = Or: Amnesty band Misses unremorseful, slamming oppressive terror

(by Jason Lofts)

Detainees stitch lips in protest

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: Chelsea Gomez

Detainees stitch lips in protest = Listen, isn't this topic desperate?

(by Julian Lofts)

Man Threw Son, 3, From High-Rise Before Jumping to His Death, Police Say

(The New York Times)

Photo: Adam Foster

Man threw son, three, from high-rise before jumping to his death, police say = O, just imagine - how can he drop boy then perish himself? Grief tears mother.

(by Jason Lofts)