Kim Kardashian Compares Butts With Blac Chyna In Sexy Selfie

(Huffington Post)


Kim Kardashian compares butts with Blac Chyna in sexy selfie = Kiss my fine, pretty ass! Hard choice: an XL black/white/Asian bum?

(by Jason Lofts)

Chicago's Frigid Temps Outfreeze Even Antarctica

(CBS Chicago)

Photo: ArtByHeather

Chicago temperature colder than South Pole = Ugh! That record ice can hurt some people a lot!

(by Rosie Perera)

Labour condemns Michael Gove's 'crass' comments on first world war

(The Guardian)

Photo: Policy Exchange

Labour condemns education secretary Michael Gove's 'crass' comments on the first world war = Sardonic concord scarce as Allies won Battle of the Somme. Thus Germans cry over winter mud.

(by Julian Lofts)

Merkel Fractures Pelvis in Ski Accident; Doctors Say to Rest

(Bloomberg)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

Angela Merkel is injured, fractures her pelvis in ski accident; the doctors say to rest = Treat alpine skiing as risky (Schumacher jolted). Career destruction's self-evident or...?

Angela Merkel fractures her pelvis in ski accident; doctors say to rest = See, Chancellor adrift at recent risky active sport, kisses ground. Lame?

(by Jason Lofts)

Who The Heck Is Elyar Fox? 10 Things You Need To Know About 2014's New Pop Sensation

(EntertainmentWise)


Who the heck is Elyar Fox? Things you need to know about new pop sensation = Who is he? A thin showy fool, touted wannabe teen pop singer/sexy knockout!

(by Jason Lofts)

Who the heck is Elyar Fox? = Sexy? Hot? Rich? Fake? Whole?

(by Aronas Pinchas)

The Everly Brothers: 'That sibling sound'

(BBC)

Photo: Klaus Hiltscher

The Everly Brothers: 'That sibling sound' = Brotherly love and this bitterness - ugh!

(by Julian Lofts)

US Midwest, Northeast brace for Arctic blast, record lows

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Michael Kappel

U.S. Midwest in the path of an arctic blast = Problem...a fuss... Can it withstand that ice?

(by Rosie Perera)

Maradona: Do not blame Messi if Argentina do not win World Cup

(Goal)

Photo: Globovisión

Maradona: Do not blame Messi if Argentina do not win the World Cup = "No", I command "Don't be a twerp, Lionel. Use 'Hand of God'!" Aims warrant it.

(by Julian Lofts)

Maradona: Do not blame Messi if Argentina do not win the World Cup = Pardon, one dwarf Lionel ain't enough to win combats. It's mad dream!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Is It Remotely Plausible That Kim Jong-un Had His Uncle Eaten By 120 Dogs?

(Houston Chronicle)

Photo: Zennie Abraham

Is it remotely plausible that Kim Jong-un had his uncle eaten by dogs? = Stop, i.e. shut out Jang - maimed, killed by a hungry canine's bites. To hell!

(by Jason Lofts)

Strong winter storm pushes into the Northeast

(Philly.com)

Photo: Jason Costomiris

Strong winter storm pushes into the Northeast = Ohio's snow torrents, temps start hurting the NE

(by Jason Lofts)

Palestinian ambassador to Prague dies in accidental explosion

(DEBKAfile)

Photo: Jeannette E. Spaghetti

Accidental Death of the Palestinian Ambassador in Prague = Ironic a man detonated a huge blast; his trap placed in a 'safe'!

(by Chris Sturdy)

Michael Schumacher's manager to be interviewed about skiing accident

(The Guardian)


Michael Schumacher's manageress to be interviewed about skiing accident = Sabine Kehm concocts view? As aged racer Schumi gained inertia, helmet bust?

(by Jason Lofts)

Dutchman van Gerwen claims first world title

(Reuters)

Photo: Richard Matthews

Dutchman van Gerwen claims first world title = Tell me if Dutch giant wins darts crown. Marvel!

(by Julian Lofts)

Dubai 2014 firework display breaks world record: Guinness

(Yahoo! News)

Dubai firework display breaks world record = Colored sparks by Arab (we did lurid firework!)

(by Aronas Pinchas)

OJ Simpson believed to have brain cancer - report

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Marc Levi

"I feel the end coming. But I don't want to die in prison like common jailhouse scum." = Cue: "Me, I killed Brown and Goldman, I con men, thief too" intuits O "The Juice" Simpson.

(by Julian Lofts)

Palestinian ambassador to Prague killed in safe explosion

(The Guardian)

Photo: Estitxu Carton

The Palestinian ambassador to Prague was killed in a safe explosion = Relax Israeli people! Wannabe thugs (Kidon?) assassinate diplomat oaf

[The Kidon is an elite group of expert assassins who operate under the Caesarea branch of Mossad]

(by Julian Lofts)

One of the most valuable banknotes in the world is about to vanish

(Quartz)

Photo: Wikimedia

One of the most valuable banknotes in the world is about to vanish = Banks of Latvia have new Euro denomination. Best shut tollbooths.

(by Julian Lofts)

Worst Genocide Leaders

(Yahoo! News)

China's Mao Zedong, Germany's Adolf Hitler,Soviet Union's Joseph Stalin, Japan's Hideki Tojo = i.e. A damning history: Hazards? Jihad? Joke? No! Savages just shot millions of innocent people

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Colorado pot shops' debut on world stage

(Denver Post)

Photo: Adam Jones

Colorado pot shops' debut on the world stage = Stop 'blow' too! Dopeheads hate drug controls.

(by Julian Lofts)

Disguised reporter tries to sneak into Schumacher's hospital room

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Motorclan

A disguised reporter tries to sneak into Michael Schumacher's hospital room in Grenoble = Horror! Prank priest (media leech) lied, began issuing last rites to comatose hero Schumi. No!

(by Julian Lofts)