Pope Francis encourages mothers to breastfeed - even in the Sistine Chapel

(The Guardian)

Photo: Erman Akdogan

Pope Francis encourages mothers to breastfeed - even in the Sistine Chapel = Super fresh step! So as a fine celibate, he might even endorse contraception?!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Hollande scooters to 'affair' with actress, French magazine claims

(The New Zealand Herald)


Hollande scooters to 'affair' with actress, French magazine claims = O, Francois, a mistress and ze thrill of a nest - OMG what farce! A cliche!

(by Julian Lofts)

Half of US Congressional politicians are millionaires

(BBC)

Cartoon: Marsmettin Tallahassee

Half of the US Congressional politicians are millionaires = Affluence on Capitol Hill. As in oil, gas? Or is it more in shares?

(by Jason Lofts)

Bachelorette No More! Emily Maynard is Engaged

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Anders Ruff Custom Designs

Emily Maynard = Readily, my man!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Naked man rescued from washing machine with help of olive oil

(The Independent)

Photo: Jens Cramer

Naked man rescued from washing machine with help of olive oil = Coo, nude prank: fits in wee w/m. He chafed. Oil all over, shaming him.

(by Jason Lofts)

Indian diplomat Devyani Khobragade to leave US under immunity

(The Guardian)

Photo: Asia Society

Indian diplomat Devyani Khobragade - she is to leave US under immunity = Mountebank lied, deviously underpaid maid, visa a sham - no integrity eh?

(by Julian Lofts)

Angry New Zealand baker sends poo cake to customer

(Examiner)

Photo: Gabriel Figueiredo

Angry baker in New Zealand sends poo cake to the customer = Rudest crap bakery acknowledges "Eat shit!" moan. No-one zen!

(by Jason Lofts)

Dennis Rodman arrives in North Korea with 'basketball diplomacy' team

(Los Angeles Times)

Photo: Open Sports

Basketball diplomacy in N Korea = Means liberal black pinko toady

(by Julian Lofts)

What Colorado's cannabis experiment will teach us

(New Scientist)

Photo: Jennifer Powell

What Colorado's cannabis experiment will teach us = Exact words? Mellow inebriation. (accuse hash plant)

(by Mark McNamara)

Minnesota town embraces cold weather

(St. Paul Pioneer Press)

Photo: nikrowell

Minnesota town embraces cold weather = Licenced to name the town 'Embarrass'. Ow!

(by Julian Lofts)

Pot stocks light up the market

(CNN)

Photo: Dave H

Publicly traded marijuana stocks are soaring = Alas, as a dreary drug (a joint) climbs up on ticker

(by Rosie Perera)

Kim Kardashian Compares Butts With Blac Chyna In Sexy Selfie

(Huffington Post)


Kim Kardashian compares butts with Blac Chyna in sexy selfie = Kiss my fine, pretty ass! Hard choice: an XL black/white/Asian bum?

(by Jason Lofts)

Chicago's Frigid Temps Outfreeze Even Antarctica

(CBS Chicago)

Photo: ArtByHeather

Chicago temperature colder than South Pole = Ugh! That record ice can hurt some people a lot!

(by Rosie Perera)

Labour condemns Michael Gove's 'crass' comments on first world war

(The Guardian)

Photo: Policy Exchange

Labour condemns education secretary Michael Gove's 'crass' comments on the first world war = Sardonic concord scarce as Allies won Battle of the Somme. Thus Germans cry over winter mud.

(by Julian Lofts)

Merkel Fractures Pelvis in Ski Accident; Doctors Say to Rest

(Bloomberg)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

Angela Merkel is injured, fractures her pelvis in ski accident; the doctors say to rest = Treat alpine skiing as risky (Schumacher jolted). Career destruction's self-evident or...?

Angela Merkel fractures her pelvis in ski accident; doctors say to rest = See, Chancellor adrift at recent risky active sport, kisses ground. Lame?

(by Jason Lofts)

Who The Heck Is Elyar Fox? 10 Things You Need To Know About 2014's New Pop Sensation

(EntertainmentWise)


Who the heck is Elyar Fox? Things you need to know about new pop sensation = Who is he? A thin showy fool, touted wannabe teen pop singer/sexy knockout!

(by Jason Lofts)

Who the heck is Elyar Fox? = Sexy? Hot? Rich? Fake? Whole?

(by Aronas Pinchas)

The Everly Brothers: 'That sibling sound'

(BBC)

Photo: Klaus Hiltscher

The Everly Brothers: 'That sibling sound' = Brotherly love and this bitterness - ugh!

(by Julian Lofts)

US Midwest, Northeast brace for Arctic blast, record lows

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Michael Kappel

U.S. Midwest in the path of an arctic blast = Problem...a fuss... Can it withstand that ice?

(by Rosie Perera)

Maradona: Do not blame Messi if Argentina do not win World Cup

(Goal)

Photo: Globovisión

Maradona: Do not blame Messi if Argentina do not win the World Cup = "No", I command "Don't be a twerp, Lionel. Use 'Hand of God'!" Aims warrant it.

(by Julian Lofts)

Maradona: Do not blame Messi if Argentina do not win the World Cup = Pardon, one dwarf Lionel ain't enough to win combats. It's mad dream!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Is It Remotely Plausible That Kim Jong-un Had His Uncle Eaten By 120 Dogs?

(Houston Chronicle)

Photo: Zennie Abraham

Is it remotely plausible that Kim Jong-un had his uncle eaten by dogs? = Stop, i.e. shut out Jang - maimed, killed by a hungry canine's bites. To hell!

(by Jason Lofts)