Fighting halts polio vaccination in northern Syria

(Mail & Guardian)

Photo: Gates Foundation

Fighting halts polio vaccination in northern Syria = Infantile paralysis thriving. Oh, aching contortion!

(by Mark McNamara)

Swedish doctors transplant wombs into 9 women

(Boston Globe)

Photo: Vishal Kapoor

Swedish doctors transplant wombs into nine women = New mission, don't stop now: Ms. wants to bear children!

(by Maurice Goddard)

World leaders react to the death of Ariel Sharon

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Government Press Office

World leaders react to the death of Ariel Sharon = Death scored a hated terrorist. Farewell. No halo!

(by Julian Lofts)

Australian man has 2cm cockroach removed from his ear

(BBC)

Photo: World Bank

Australian man has 2cm cockroach removed from his ear = So uncommon! Rash ear-itch drama's a 2cm live freak roach!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Sydney Opera House architect Jorn Utzon dies

(The Guardian)

Illustration: Ibai Gandiaga Perez de Albeniz

Sydney Opera House architect Jorn Utzon dies = You enter SOH - another prized icon just decays

(by Julian Lofts)

Muslim world echoes Palestinian expressions of joy at Sharon's passing

(Jerusalem Post)

Photo: Carl Malamud

Muslim world echoes Palestinian expressions of joy at Ariel Sharon's passing = Israeli ex-PM's death: Joyous pro-PLO Islamists shown sneering - scorn as a finale

(by Jason Lofts)

Pope Francis encourages mothers to breastfeed - even in the Sistine Chapel

(The Guardian)

Photo: Erman Akdogan

Pope Francis encourages mothers to breastfeed - even in the Sistine Chapel = Super fresh step! So as a fine celibate, he might even endorse contraception?!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Hollande scooters to 'affair' with actress, French magazine claims

(The New Zealand Herald)


Hollande scooters to 'affair' with actress, French magazine claims = O, Francois, a mistress and ze thrill of a nest - OMG what farce! A cliche!

(by Julian Lofts)

Half of US Congressional politicians are millionaires

(BBC)

Cartoon: Marsmettin Tallahassee

Half of the US Congressional politicians are millionaires = Affluence on Capitol Hill. As in oil, gas? Or is it more in shares?

(by Jason Lofts)

Bachelorette No More! Emily Maynard is Engaged

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Anders Ruff Custom Designs

Emily Maynard = Readily, my man!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Naked man rescued from washing machine with help of olive oil

(The Independent)

Photo: Jens Cramer

Naked man rescued from washing machine with help of olive oil = Coo, nude prank: fits in wee w/m. He chafed. Oil all over, shaming him.

(by Jason Lofts)

Indian diplomat Devyani Khobragade to leave US under immunity

(The Guardian)

Photo: Asia Society

Indian diplomat Devyani Khobragade - she is to leave US under immunity = Mountebank lied, deviously underpaid maid, visa a sham - no integrity eh?

(by Julian Lofts)

Angry New Zealand baker sends poo cake to customer

(Examiner)

Photo: Gabriel Figueiredo

Angry baker in New Zealand sends poo cake to the customer = Rudest crap bakery acknowledges "Eat shit!" moan. No-one zen!

(by Jason Lofts)

Dennis Rodman arrives in North Korea with 'basketball diplomacy' team

(Los Angeles Times)

Photo: Open Sports

Basketball diplomacy in N Korea = Means liberal black pinko toady

(by Julian Lofts)

What Colorado's cannabis experiment will teach us

(New Scientist)

Photo: Jennifer Powell

What Colorado's cannabis experiment will teach us = Exact words? Mellow inebriation. (accuse hash plant)

(by Mark McNamara)

Minnesota town embraces cold weather

(St. Paul Pioneer Press)

Photo: nikrowell

Minnesota town embraces cold weather = Licenced to name the town 'Embarrass'. Ow!

(by Julian Lofts)

Pot stocks light up the market

(CNN)

Photo: Dave H

Publicly traded marijuana stocks are soaring = Alas, as a dreary drug (a joint) climbs up on ticker

(by Rosie Perera)

Kim Kardashian Compares Butts With Blac Chyna In Sexy Selfie

(Huffington Post)


Kim Kardashian compares butts with Blac Chyna in sexy selfie = Kiss my fine, pretty ass! Hard choice: an XL black/white/Asian bum?

(by Jason Lofts)

Chicago's Frigid Temps Outfreeze Even Antarctica

(CBS Chicago)

Photo: ArtByHeather

Chicago temperature colder than South Pole = Ugh! That record ice can hurt some people a lot!

(by Rosie Perera)

Labour condemns Michael Gove's 'crass' comments on first world war

(The Guardian)

Photo: Policy Exchange

Labour condemns education secretary Michael Gove's 'crass' comments on the first world war = Sardonic concord scarce as Allies won Battle of the Somme. Thus Germans cry over winter mud.

(by Julian Lofts)