America's only prisoner of war is alive after four years with the Taliban

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Wikimedia

America's only prisoner of war is alive after four years with the Taliban = Fortunately bipolar Carrie Mathison of TV series* is aware. Ha - wry finale!
* Homeland

(by Julian Lofts)

Little girls deserve better than to be told to make themselves sexy

(The Guardian)

Photo: TW Collins

Little girls deserve better than to be told to make themselves sexy = Let's note: Barbie Doll set's velvet glitter makes them sex-dotty here!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Bull Elephant Rampage: Briton's Car Trampled

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Volker Neumann

Bull Elephant Rampage: Briton's Car Trampled = Hell-bent trumpeting alarm! Bad cropper, alas.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Doomsday Clock Set at 5 'Til Midnight

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Ghostsigns

It's the end of the world as we know it = The twisted Earth dies now. NOW, folk!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Cristiano Ronaldo named world's best footballer

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: José Goulão

Cristiano Ronaldo named the world's best footballer = Tall order for Messi to win Ballon d'Or - a bad contest, eh?

(by Julian Lofts)

UK's Paignton Zoo bans monkeys from eating bananas for health reasons

(CNN)

Photo: Beat Küng

Paignton Zoo bans the animals from eating 'humanised' fruit = Offer diet items. Limit put on high-sugar, non-Amazon bananas.

(by Chris Sturdy)

Man shot dead at movies after texting

(The Guardian)

Photo: Eric

Man shot dead at movies after texting = A mad vet exterminated, shooting fast

(by Julian Lofts)

Mindscapes: The first recording of hallucinated music

(New Scientist)

Illustration: On Being

Mindscapes: The first recording of hallucinated music = Reproducing a head full of distinct chants is mesmeric!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Fighting halts polio vaccination in northern Syria

(Mail & Guardian)

Photo: Gates Foundation

Fighting halts polio vaccination in northern Syria = Infantile paralysis thriving. Oh, aching contortion!

(by Mark McNamara)

Swedish doctors transplant wombs into 9 women

(Boston Globe)

Photo: Vishal Kapoor

Swedish doctors transplant wombs into nine women = New mission, don't stop now: Ms. wants to bear children!

(by Maurice Goddard)

World leaders react to the death of Ariel Sharon

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Government Press Office

World leaders react to the death of Ariel Sharon = Death scored a hated terrorist. Farewell. No halo!

(by Julian Lofts)

Australian man has 2cm cockroach removed from his ear

(BBC)

Photo: World Bank

Australian man has 2cm cockroach removed from his ear = So uncommon! Rash ear-itch drama's a 2cm live freak roach!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Sydney Opera House architect Jorn Utzon dies

(The Guardian)

Illustration: Ibai Gandiaga Perez de Albeniz

Sydney Opera House architect Jorn Utzon dies = You enter SOH - another prized icon just decays

(by Julian Lofts)

Muslim world echoes Palestinian expressions of joy at Sharon's passing

(Jerusalem Post)

Photo: Carl Malamud

Muslim world echoes Palestinian expressions of joy at Ariel Sharon's passing = Israeli ex-PM's death: Joyous pro-PLO Islamists shown sneering - scorn as a finale

(by Jason Lofts)

Pope Francis encourages mothers to breastfeed - even in the Sistine Chapel

(The Guardian)

Photo: Erman Akdogan

Pope Francis encourages mothers to breastfeed - even in the Sistine Chapel = Super fresh step! So as a fine celibate, he might even endorse contraception?!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Hollande scooters to 'affair' with actress, French magazine claims

(The New Zealand Herald)


Hollande scooters to 'affair' with actress, French magazine claims = O, Francois, a mistress and ze thrill of a nest - OMG what farce! A cliche!

(by Julian Lofts)

Half of US Congressional politicians are millionaires

(BBC)

Cartoon: Marsmettin Tallahassee

Half of the US Congressional politicians are millionaires = Affluence on Capitol Hill. As in oil, gas? Or is it more in shares?

(by Jason Lofts)

Bachelorette No More! Emily Maynard is Engaged

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Anders Ruff Custom Designs

Emily Maynard = Readily, my man!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Naked man rescued from washing machine with help of olive oil

(The Independent)

Photo: Jens Cramer

Naked man rescued from washing machine with help of olive oil = Coo, nude prank: fits in wee w/m. He chafed. Oil all over, shaming him.

(by Jason Lofts)

Indian diplomat Devyani Khobragade to leave US under immunity

(The Guardian)

Photo: Asia Society

Indian diplomat Devyani Khobragade - she is to leave US under immunity = Mountebank lied, deviously underpaid maid, visa a sham - no integrity eh?

(by Julian Lofts)