The new American Idol: Should the US rule the world?

(Al Jazeera)

Photo: rocor

The new American Idol: Should the USA rule the world? = Uh, we should let Simon Cowell run the earth. Rad idea!

(by Julian Lofts)

Going to church can keep you on the straight and narrow, criminology study suggests

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Zeitgeist Images

Going to church can keep you on the straight and narrow, criminology study suggests = Touchy undertaking to many gross Catholic priest guys caught doing wrong here, son!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama tries to allay German concerns

(One News Page)

Photo: Number 10

Obama tries to allay German concerns = "Be calm, Angela, America's sorry (not, NOT!)"

(by Julian Lofts)

Nun who gave birth in Italy 'unaware of pregnancy'

(BBC)

Photo: Adam Gerard

Nun who gave birth in Italy 'unaware of pregnancy' = Father? Nay! Uncanny Law in how a pure virgin begot?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tons of horse manure dumped outside French parliament in political protest

(NBC News)

Photo: Sébastien

Tons of horse manure was dumped outside French parliament in a political protest = Merde! Faeces! Riot! A triumphal stunt anti pompous President Francois Hollande. Ow!

(by Julian Lofts)

Surgeon general links colon cancer, diabetes to smoking

(CNN)

Photo: CREDITS

Surgeon general links colon cancer, diabetes to smoking = OK, so cigarettes 'n' carcinogens kill men galore. End bonus!

(by Jason Lofts)

Prince Harry ends role as a helicopter pilot

(TVNZ)

Photo: UK Ministry of Defence

Prince Harry ends role as a helicopter pilot = Royal phallocentric pinhead poser retires

(by Julian Lofts)

Prince Harry ends role as a helicopter pilot = Royal heir-line chopper creep lands to a stir!

(by Maurice Goddard)

UN committee on sexual abuse grills Vatican officials

(CNN)

Photo: Jason

UN committee on sexual abuse grills Vatican officials = Its ultimate cause: Unforgivable confessional climax

(by Maurice Goddard)

UN committee on sexual abuse grills Vatican officials = No excuse to a baleful vicar; if maniac molests - guilt & sin!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Devil baby scares New Yorkers in promotional stunt for Devil's Due film - video

(The Guardian)

Devil baby scares New Yorkers in promotional stunt for Devil's Due film - video = "BOO!" overview: Roused, firm's daft trap invention suddenly screams like billyo!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Ohio executes inmate using untried, untested lethal injection method

(The Guardian)

Photo: Steve Rhodes

Ohio executes inmate using untried, untested lethal injection method = Loathsome Dennis McGuire entitled to unjust execution. Ah, tie, then die!

(by Julian Lofts)

My trainers made me a psychopath: Pimp to sue Nike for millions over "dangerous" shoes he used as a weapon

(Metro)

Photo: Angel Navedo

Trainers made me a psychopath: A pimp to sue Nike for millions over "dangerous" shoes = Imprisoned mad ho keeper's silly pathetic assertion, moan. Proven rough oaf amuses.

(by Jason Lofts)

Kangaroo in 400-year-old manuscript could change Australian history

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Subhash Chandra

Kangaroo in four centuries old manuscript - could it change Australian history? = According to an illustration, Portuguese sketch a "furry" animal. Doh, is a unicorn!

(by Julian Lofts)

Analysis: Oscar's best-picture nominees

(USA Today)

Photo: Rachel

American Hustle, Captain Phillips, Dallas Buyers Club, Gravity, Her, Nebraska, Philomena, Twelve Years a Slave, and The Wolf of Wall Street = Well, the 'Best Picture' nominees for the Oscar Awards are really all relevant, visually vast epics and a bankable film with happy laughs.

(by Adie Pena)

America's only prisoner of war is alive after four years with the Taliban

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Wikimedia

America's only prisoner of war is alive after four years with the Taliban = Fortunately bipolar Carrie Mathison of TV series* is aware. Ha - wry finale!
* Homeland

(by Julian Lofts)

Little girls deserve better than to be told to make themselves sexy

(The Guardian)

Photo: TW Collins

Little girls deserve better than to be told to make themselves sexy = Let's note: Barbie Doll set's velvet glitter makes them sex-dotty here!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Bull Elephant Rampage: Briton's Car Trampled

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Volker Neumann

Bull Elephant Rampage: Briton's Car Trampled = Hell-bent trumpeting alarm! Bad cropper, alas.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Doomsday Clock Set at 5 'Til Midnight

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Ghostsigns

It's the end of the world as we know it = The twisted Earth dies now. NOW, folk!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Cristiano Ronaldo named world's best footballer

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: José Goulão

Cristiano Ronaldo named the world's best footballer = Tall order for Messi to win Ballon d'Or - a bad contest, eh?

(by Julian Lofts)

UK's Paignton Zoo bans monkeys from eating bananas for health reasons

(CNN)

Photo: Beat Küng

Paignton Zoo bans the animals from eating 'humanised' fruit = Offer diet items. Limit put on high-sugar, non-Amazon bananas.

(by Chris Sturdy)

Man shot dead at movies after texting

(The Guardian)

Photo: Eric

Man shot dead at movies after texting = A mad vet exterminated, shooting fast

(by Julian Lofts)