Syria needs a truce before talks about its future can begin

(Financial Times)

Photo: Freedom House

Syria needs a truce before talks about its future can begin = Boy! rebut ceasefire if one can't trust a gun-brute like Assad!

(by Maurice Goddard)

What? Gordon Brown does not have a mistress?

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Downing Street

What? Gordon Brown does not have a mistress? = So vet that darn morose windbag who snores!

(by Maurice Goddard)

How boots of first world war troops brought a foreign invader to Scotland

(The Guardian)

Photo: duluthiscool

How the boots of first world war troop casualties brought a foreign invader to Scotland = W Owen, S Sassoon articulated terror. Fungal growth off a boot - bah, chiropodist drivel! OTT!

(by Julian Lofts)

Blind eye turned to Savile abuse

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: Surian Soosay

Blind eye turned to Savile abuse = Editor: Bully abused naive teens

(by Julian Lofts)

Italy reform deal puts Berlusconi back centre stage

(BBC)

Photo: Roberto

Italy reform deal puts Berlusconi back centre stage = Let's be frank, egotistical creep's a crude barmy ol' nut!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Penis pumps cost US government millions, watchdog cries waste

(Reuters)

Photo: Divine Harvester

Penis pumps cost the US government millions a year, watchdog cries waste = Whopping dollars get misspent on Vacuum Erection Systems - awe at riches!

(by Jason Lofts)

Ten things that were forbidden growing up in an Irish household

(IrishCentral)

Photo: Kate Andrews

Ten things that were forbidden growing up in an Irish household = Shortage is woeful: Throwing dinner in the bin got punished hard!

Ten things that were forbidden growing up in an Irish household = I see tough laws, for throwing dinner in the bin got punished hard!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II to gradually hand over charge to Prince Charles?

(Daily News & Analysis)

Photo: Andrew Wragg

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II to gradually hand over charge to Prince Charles? = Lo! Liz retiring, hereby leaving a queer drab chap on the throne's a suicidal act!

(by Maurice Goddard)

The new American Idol: Should the US rule the world?

(Al Jazeera)

Photo: rocor

The new American Idol: Should the USA rule the world? = Uh, we should let Simon Cowell run the earth. Rad idea!

(by Julian Lofts)

Going to church can keep you on the straight and narrow, criminology study suggests

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Zeitgeist Images

Going to church can keep you on the straight and narrow, criminology study suggests = Touchy undertaking to many gross Catholic priest guys caught doing wrong here, son!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama tries to allay German concerns

(One News Page)

Photo: Number 10

Obama tries to allay German concerns = "Be calm, Angela, America's sorry (not, NOT!)"

(by Julian Lofts)

Nun who gave birth in Italy 'unaware of pregnancy'

(BBC)

Photo: Adam Gerard

Nun who gave birth in Italy 'unaware of pregnancy' = Father? Nay! Uncanny Law in how a pure virgin begot?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tons of horse manure dumped outside French parliament in political protest

(NBC News)

Photo: Sébastien

Tons of horse manure was dumped outside French parliament in a political protest = Merde! Faeces! Riot! A triumphal stunt anti pompous President Francois Hollande. Ow!

(by Julian Lofts)

Surgeon general links colon cancer, diabetes to smoking

(CNN)

Photo: CREDITS

Surgeon general links colon cancer, diabetes to smoking = OK, so cigarettes 'n' carcinogens kill men galore. End bonus!

(by Jason Lofts)

Prince Harry ends role as a helicopter pilot

(TVNZ)

Photo: UK Ministry of Defence

Prince Harry ends role as a helicopter pilot = Royal phallocentric pinhead poser retires

(by Julian Lofts)

Prince Harry ends role as a helicopter pilot = Royal heir-line chopper creep lands to a stir!

(by Maurice Goddard)

UN committee on sexual abuse grills Vatican officials

(CNN)

Photo: Jason

UN committee on sexual abuse grills Vatican officials = Its ultimate cause: Unforgivable confessional climax

(by Maurice Goddard)

UN committee on sexual abuse grills Vatican officials = No excuse to a baleful vicar; if maniac molests - guilt & sin!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Devil baby scares New Yorkers in promotional stunt for Devil's Due film - video

(The Guardian)

Devil baby scares New Yorkers in promotional stunt for Devil's Due film - video = "BOO!" overview: Roused, firm's daft trap invention suddenly screams like billyo!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Ohio executes inmate using untried, untested lethal injection method

(The Guardian)

Photo: Steve Rhodes

Ohio executes inmate using untried, untested lethal injection method = Loathsome Dennis McGuire entitled to unjust execution. Ah, tie, then die!

(by Julian Lofts)

My trainers made me a psychopath: Pimp to sue Nike for millions over "dangerous" shoes he used as a weapon

(Metro)

Photo: Angel Navedo

Trainers made me a psychopath: A pimp to sue Nike for millions over "dangerous" shoes = Imprisoned mad ho keeper's silly pathetic assertion, moan. Proven rough oaf amuses.

(by Jason Lofts)

Kangaroo in 400-year-old manuscript could change Australian history

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Subhash Chandra

Kangaroo in four centuries old manuscript - could it change Australian history? = According to an illustration, Portuguese sketch a "furry" animal. Doh, is a unicorn!

(by Julian Lofts)