Man fights off shark, stitches up own leg, goes to the pub

(The Guardian)

Photo: Ivan Kalin

Man fights off shark, stitches up own leg, goes to the pub = Though stuff happens (e.g. harm), confess Kiwi's got bottle!

(by Chris Sturdy)

Utah Faces New Fight Over Liquor Laws

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Carlos Almendarez

Utah Faces New Fight Over Liquor Laws = Lawful sottish few acquire hangover

(by Mark McNamara)

Weed, beer, F-bombs and jail - how Justin Bieber's bad day allegedly unfolded

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Miami Dade County Jail

How Justin Bieber's bad day allegedly unfolded = DUI, felony, swore, nabbed, judge, bail, tell Dad, shy

(by Julian Lofts)

Worst police sketch ever? Police hunt oddly spherical man

(The Independent)

Sketch: Lamar County Sheriff’s Department

Worst police sketch ever? Police hunt for an oddly spherical man = Clever cops identify perp has the most circular head known (O) - LOL!

(by Julian Lofts)

Blasphemy case: Briton in Pakistan sentenced to death

(BBC)

Photo: mrgaskell

Blasphemy case: Briton in Pakistan sentenced to death = Batty "prophet" attacked Islam - his insane 'n' obscene end

(by Jason Lofts)

The best hotels in the world

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: Éole Wind

The best hotels in the world = Tent is below the threshold

The best hotels in the world = In the lewdest hot brothels

(by Julian Lofts)

Thousands face travel chaos after Victoria Line shut due to cement leak

(The Daily Express)

Photo: Martin Belam

A cement leak closes the Victoria Line = Concrete mistake. Oh, all else inactive!

(by Adie Pena)

Kiwi's Death Row meals stir up art world

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Christopher

Kiwi's Death Row meals stir up art world = What sordid killers ate - art purism? Wow!

(by Julian Lofts)

Nadal Beats Federer to Advance to Final in Australia

(The New York Times)

Photo: Nick Step

Nadal Beats Federer to Advance to Final in Australia = Rafael N rid a feared beast at tennis - vocal adulation

(by Jason Lofts)

London's Victoria line suspended after control room is flooded with cement

(The Guardian)

Photo: Doug

TfL statement: "No services on the Victoria line tonight" = Noting that this time felt it involves concrete reason!

(by Chris Sturdy)

Hassan Rouhani: Sanctions against Iran are illegal

(CNN)

Photo: World Economic Forum

Hassan Rouhani: The sanctions against Iran are illegal = Ha, ha! So, a rash Iranian nation's nuclear testing is legal?

(by Jason Lofts)

European recruits train for al-Qaeda

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Jason Fudge

European recruits train for al-Qaeda = Declare a quarantine for airport use

(by Julian Lofts)

Weight-loss balloon Obalon launched

(The Irish Independent)

Weight-loss balloon Obalon launched = Ha! Allows bloated loon no big lunches!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Sex with Glass app promises a brave new naked world of..... humiliation

(Los Angeles Times)

Photo: Ted Eytan

Sex with Glass application promises a brave new naked world of..... humiliation = Wow, this seems it will make a banal sexual position fervid and pornographic!

(by Julian Lofts)

Imagine a world without guns

(The Daily Telegraph)


Imagine a world without guns = Who wouldn't? Imagine guitars...

(by Julian Lofts)

Syria needs a truce before talks about its future can begin

(Financial Times)

Photo: Freedom House

Syria needs a truce before talks about its future can begin = Boy! rebut ceasefire if one can't trust a gun-brute like Assad!

(by Maurice Goddard)

What? Gordon Brown does not have a mistress?

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Downing Street

What? Gordon Brown does not have a mistress? = So vet that darn morose windbag who snores!

(by Maurice Goddard)

How boots of first world war troops brought a foreign invader to Scotland

(The Guardian)

Photo: duluthiscool

How the boots of first world war troop casualties brought a foreign invader to Scotland = W Owen, S Sassoon articulated terror. Fungal growth off a boot - bah, chiropodist drivel! OTT!

(by Julian Lofts)

Blind eye turned to Savile abuse

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: Surian Soosay

Blind eye turned to Savile abuse = Editor: Bully abused naive teens

(by Julian Lofts)

Italy reform deal puts Berlusconi back centre stage

(BBC)

Photo: Roberto

Italy reform deal puts Berlusconi back centre stage = Let's be frank, egotistical creep's a crude barmy ol' nut!

(by Maurice Goddard)