The glacier which may have sunk the Titanic is now moving at record speeds

(The Irish Independent)

Photo: Christine Zenino

The glacier which may have sunk the Titanic is now moving at record speeds = Which deviled way? Monster thick treacherous menace to ships navigating!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Farrow claims 'untrue,' 'disgraceful,' Allen says

(The New Zealand Herald)

Illustration: Luke Siemens

Farrow claims 'untrue,' 'disgraceful,' Allen says = "Incest rumors?" I guffaw "Alas, Dylan's real cruel!"

(by Julian Lofts)

Stars pay tribute to actor Philip Seymour Hoffman

(BBC)

Photo: Justin Hoch

Stars pay tribute to actor Philip Seymour Hoffman = By this, a RIP rose up to triumphant lofty Oscar fame

(by Maurice Goddard)

Sochi Has Been Poisoning Stray Dogs Before The Olympics

(Yahoo!)

Graphic: Giga Paitchadze

Sochi Has Been Poisoning Stray Dogs Before The Olympics = Ooh, shaggy species of canines do horribly bite spotsmen!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Philip Seymour Hoffman dead

(Stuff.co.nz)

Caricature: Ben Northern

Philip Seymour Hoffman dead = Unhappy mood framed his life

(by Julian Lofts)

Florida Teacher Accused of Being Drunk at School Fights to Keep Job

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Jürgen Fauth

Teacher Erin Cougill = Lecture (hic!)... Gin or ale?

(by Aronas Pinchas)

'Girl with a Pearl Earring' creates stir in Italy

(Yahoo! News)

Art: Mike Baker

Dutch Johannes Vermeer's "Girl with a Pearl Earring" = Painter drew juvenile gal. He airs her strong charm.

(by Aronas Pinchas)

The First Step to World Peace

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Vinoth Chandar

The First Step to World Peace = "Stop the war!" I reflected, "Stop!"

(by Julian Lofts)

Driver with man on windshield says she panicked

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Sam Kim

Driver with man on windshield says she panicked = Lady's drinkin' (hic!), pedestrian dives. Wham! She won!

(by Jason Lofts)

Sherry Lynn Wilkins = Errs...kills. Why? Ninny!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Amanda Knox and Raffaele Sollecito guilty of Kercher Italy murder

(BBC)

Photo: Wikimedia

Amanda Knox and Raffaele Sollecito guilty of Kercher Italy murder = Murky sex affair. Rude checkmate for lonely girl and Italo lad. Atone!

(by Jason Lofts)

Russian men losing years to abuse of vodka

(Al Jazeera)

Photo: Fred S.

Russian men losing years to abuse of vodka = Drink savagely ruins some oafs. No to abuse!

(by Julian Lofts)

Kim Jong-Un 'Shoots Dead His Uncle's Family'

(Sky News)

Photo: Thierry Ehrmann

Kim Jong-Un 'Shoots Dead His Uncle's Family' = Heinous demon's found! Mighty ill jackass.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Amanda Knox Found Guilty of Murder By Italian Court

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Beacon

Amanda Knox reconvicted of Meredith Kercher murder by Italian court = Verdict: Amoral drunk American chick not exonerated from her dubiety

(by Julian Lofts)

Miley Cyrus duets with Madonna for MTV special

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Ronald Woan, Miss Champers

Miley Cyrus duets with Madonna = Two musicians hymned adultery

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Miley Cyrus Duets With Madonna for MTV Special

(ABC News)

Photo: Ronald Woan, Karen Blue

Miley Cyrus duets with Madonna = Real dames, music, nudity - why not?

(by Jason Lofts)

'Hand of God' seen in space

(MSN)

Photo: NASA

'Hand of God' seen in space = A defaced neon shop sign!

(by Robert Jordan)

'Hand of God' seen in space = Shape conned Diego fans

(by Julian Lofts)

Man fights off shark, stitches up own leg, goes to the pub

(The Guardian)

Photo: Ivan Kalin

Man fights off shark, stitches up own leg, goes to the pub = Though stuff happens (e.g. harm), confess Kiwi's got bottle!

(by Chris Sturdy)

Utah Faces New Fight Over Liquor Laws

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Carlos Almendarez

Utah Faces New Fight Over Liquor Laws = Lawful sottish few acquire hangover

(by Mark McNamara)

Weed, beer, F-bombs and jail - how Justin Bieber's bad day allegedly unfolded

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Miami Dade County Jail

How Justin Bieber's bad day allegedly unfolded = DUI, felony, swore, nabbed, judge, bail, tell Dad, shy

(by Julian Lofts)

Worst police sketch ever? Police hunt oddly spherical man

(The Independent)

Sketch: Lamar County Sheriff’s Department

Worst police sketch ever? Police hunt for an oddly spherical man = Clever cops identify perp has the most circular head known (O) - LOL!

(by Julian Lofts)