More bad weather on the way, have we learnt our lesson?

(Channel 4)

Photo: Rilind Hoxha

More bad weather on the way, have we learnt our lesson? = Ah! Lane to lane, water drowns homes about everywhere!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Sir Roger Moore says no to Dubai foie gras

(The National)

Sir Roger Moore says no to Dubai foie gras = Fair game, sir; your oratories goose bonds

(by Robert Jordan)

Does Sex Really Distract Olympians

(The Daily Beast)

Photo: moonez

Does Sex Really Distract Olympians = Climax stain delayed sporty losers

(by Mark McNamara)

Does Sex Really Distract Olympians = More coital slyness did tax players!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Does Sex Really Distract Olympians = i.e. Sexy port ends dramatically - loss

(by Aronas Pinchas)

No laughing matter: Clowns are on the decline

(CBS News)

Photo: aussiegall

No laughing matter: Clowns are on the decline = Not in Washington, DC! Once game, all rule there!

(by Maurice Goddard)

No laughing matter: Clowns are on the decline = Then, circus midget, halt: no longer wane alone

(by Robert Jordan)

Fitness Gadgets for Your Dog

(The Daily Beast)

Photo: Andrea Bandelli

Fitness Gadgets for Your Dog = Goofy design frustrates dog

(by Mark McNamara)

Naked Sledding World Championships In Pictures (NSFW)

(Huffington Post)

Naked Sledding World Championships In Pictures (NSFW) = Chic lugers threw on mini-slips; odd... kinda snapped (WSFN*)
[*Which Stands For Nothing)

(by Robert Jordan)

Children's book with nude pictures causes a stir in France

(parentdish)

Illustration: Marc Daniau

Children's book with nude pictures causes a stir in France = I can't show nice class kids untrue airbrushed perfection

(by Chris Sturdy)

Eating oranges can ward off stroke

(Business Standard)

Photo: Gyorgy Weil

Eating oranges can ward off stroke = Fat greasier range snack food won't!

(by Maurice Goddard)

From skinny pigs to naked mole rats: The world's ugliest creatures

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: Sari

From skinny pigs to naked mole rats: The world's ugliest creature = "Try Angela Merkel's turnip-faced mugshot," I snort, "Looks weirdest!"

(by Julian Lofts)

10 years ago today, we all met Kanye Omari West

(Rare)

Photo: Anirudh Koul

Kanye Omari West = Yes to "I'm a wanker?"

(by Julian Lofts)

Curious pig tries to eat camera after it falls from plane into its pen

(The Daily Express)


Curious pig tries to eat camera after it falls from plane into its pen = Re grunter's plump for top aerial action: to me it is a fantastic selfie

(by Robert Jordan)

Dinner time: Should families eat together every night?

(BBC)

Photo: Scott Granneman

Dinner time: Should families eat together every night? = To entire diet, Mum heartily loves sharing the feeding!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Valentine's Day 2014: Guide to Office Romance Legal Problems

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Ed Yourdon

Valentine's Day, Two Thousand and Fuorteen = Wounded? True and honest love ain't fantasy!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

World Car of the Year finalists revealed

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: CitroenAZU

World Car of the Year finalists revealed = Re: first award - Citroen DS - ah, a lovely feel

(by Julian Lofts)

The most incredible statistic about Cristiano Ronaldo's career so far

(Yahoo! Eurosport)

Photo: Ryu Voelkel

The most incredible statistic about Cristiano Ronaldo's career so far = Football star records a score in each minute. It is a record boast isn't it?!

(by Chris Sturdy)

Oscar Pistorius sends out Valentine's Day message of regret over dead girlfriend

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Global Sports Forum

Oscar Pistorius: A few words from my heart - "No words can adequately capture my feelings about the devastating accident that has caused such heartache for everyone who truly loved - and continues to love - Reeva. The pain and sadness - especially for Reeva's parents, family and friends - consumes me with sorrow. The loss of Reeva and the complete trauma of that day, I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Oscar." = Half accurate account of Valentine's Day Massacre - premeditated murder or not guilty? "Last Valentine's Day I overreacted after a bedroom tiff and shot my lover who was on the toilet. Why? I had no prostheses on and was very scared of an intruder, I swear. Fact is, the cow may have chaffed at me, 'Such a queer impotent legless wretch!' So what? She placated herself. As for my unusual propensity for violence... I'm so sorry."

(by Jason Lofts)

Scientists count whales from space

(BBC)

Photo: yeimaya

Scientists count whales from space = Nil's seen, fact; what cosmic spouters?
[See Whales from space]

(by Robert Jordan)

Why I want a microchip implant

(BBC)

Photo: Alejandra H. Covarrubias

Why I want a microchip implant = Yow! A PIN within, hmm... practical

(by Robert Jordan)

Sobbing fisherman home in El Salvador after year adrift in Pacific

(Reuters)

Photo: Bart Bernardes

Sobbing fisherman home in El Salvador after year adrift in Pacific = O, inept failing seafarer saved by cannibalism from horrific death?

(by Jason Lofts)

Flooding emergency in England

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: irBri

Flooding emergency in England = Gad! Condemn engineering folly

(by Julian Lofts)