Pope Francis asks forgiveness for child abuse by clergy

(BBC)

Photo: Catholic Church

Pope Francis asks forgiveness for child sex abuse by Catholic clergy = Fact: Excessive buggery frolic/larks by pedophile Franciscans. Oh, SOS!

(by Jason Lofts)

'I wake smelling Reeva's blood', Oscar Pistorius tells court as he apologises to Steenkamp family

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: David Ian Roberts

'I wake smelling Reeva's blood', Oscar Pistorius tells court as he apologises to Steenkamp family = OP: 'I love (to kill) girlfriends'. Amputee's a bleak, remorseless, mega-psychotic assassin, outlaw too.

(by Julian Lofts)

Crocodile caught wandering around California mall

(Miami Herald)

Photo: Wildlife Wanderer

Crocodile caught wandering around a California mall = Old alligator found crawling in American arcade. Ouch!

(by Julian Lofts)

Angela Merkel denied access to her NSA file

(The Guardian)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

Angela Merkel denied access to her NSA file = Since German leader needs list of each leak

(by Julian Lofts)

Oscar Pistorius murder trial: Emotional Blade Runner takes stand in own defence

(ABC News)

Photo: Aktiv I Oslo

Oscar Pistorius murder trial: Emotional Blade Runner takes stand in own defence = A sordid case. Unclear if intruder was in toilet room? No, runner blasted Steenkamp!

(by Jason Lofts)

California bill to end killer whale shows at SeaWorld 'on hold'

(The Guardian)

(Watch Blackfish on DVD)

California bill to end killer whale shows at SeaWorld is 'on hold' = We think law will ban all Orca rodeo ride ("tail holds") foolishness

(by Julian Lofts)

Malaysia plane MH370: Possible new signal in search

(BBC)

Photo: DVIDSHUB

Malaysia plane MH370: Possible new signal in search = 370 billion pings - we analyse a sample - hm, crash in sea!

(by Jason Lofts)

Scientists calculate odd ways to die

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: mira66

Scientists calculate the odd ways to die = Lest I die, coconut death classed as witty!

(by Julian Lofts)

Woman Claims Rats Ate Her House

(Huffington Post)


Woman Claims Rats Ate Her House = Aha! Meow a lot, scam the insurers?

(by Robert Jordan)

Americans: Ukraine is in ... Greenland?

(BBC)


Americans: Ukraine is in ... Greenland? = A Russian: Crimea, kinda Lenin green

(by Robert Jordan)

Americans: Ukraine is in ... Greenland? = I seek Narnia in ... England ... Crimea (RUS)?

Americans: Ukraine is in ... Greenland? = Crimean geeks: USA in ... N.Ireland ... Iran?

(by Jason Lofts)

Ian Thorpe seriously ill in hospital

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Morton Lin

Ian James Thorpe, the champion Australian swimmer = Re: MRSA in his arm joint. Amputate! Heal epic showman.

(by Julian Lofts)

Peaches Geldof: Writer and TV presenter dies aged 25

(BBC)

Photo: taah

Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof, daughter of Paula Yates and Bob = She's at morgue.Fatal OD? Goodbye unhappy false blonde. Sob. Ache.

(by Julian Lofts)

Message in a bottle delivered - 101 years later

(BT)

Photo: Gwylan

Message in a bottle delivered - 101 years later = See, I'd bet 10-1 even dear Royal Mail target less!

(by Chris Sturdy)

Jamaican Dancehall Artists Are Blinding Themselves by Getting Eyeball Tattoos

(Noisey)


Dancehall artists getting eyeball tattoos = See talent that goes totally blind as tragic

(by Rosie Perera)

Giant rats 'infest' German town

(MSN)

Photo: Wikimedia

Giant rats 'infest' German town of Halle = Few into Hamlin's Rattenfanger's gloat

(by Robert Jordan)

I let bee sting me on the penis and the scrotum to see which hurt more

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: Treesha Duncan

I let a bee sting me on the penis and the scrotum to see which hurt more = Tut tut! What dose phenomenon/theorems is the imbecile researching?

(by Julian Lofts)

Portraits by George W. Bush go on display

(Yahoo! News)


Portraits by George W. Bush go on display = Gee, Dubya throws grisly paint gobs. Poor!

(by Jason Lofts)

How CIA used copies of Dr Zhivago in battle to win Cold War

(The Daily Telegraph)


How the CIA used copies of Pasternak's Dr Zhivago in literary battle to win Cold War = Which idiot or twerp craftily authorized a novel plan to sabotage Reds? Wackiness!

(by Julian Lofts)

Rare goat-sheep 'geep' born on Irish farm

(The Independent)


Rare goat-sheep 'geep' born on Irish farm = Begorrah! Gasp! I prefer a honest merino.

(by Julian Lofts)

Rare goat-sheep 'geep' born on Irish farm = Goose & pheasant err, bear infirm ... gopher?

Rare goat-sheep 'geep' born on Irish farm = Hippo semen, rhino egg for a rarer beast?

(by Robert Jordan)

Hillbilly hunters try to catch unexplained creatures in Appalachia

(Facebook)

Photo: martremcheerful

Hillbilly hunters try to catch unexplained creatures in Appalachia = Called chupacabra, unicorn, sphinx, harpy, lilitu, the tall Eastern yeti

(by Julian Lofts)