Pistorius' Five Days of 'Cross' End With Teary Valentine

(ABC News)

ABC US News | ABC Business News

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I think today is a good day to tell you that I love you" = That's a bloody odious lie, you violent shooter, you killed Reeva! It's a tragedy (tear).

(by Jason Lofts)

The Surprising Reason Men Should Take Pregnancy Tests

(YourTango)

Photo: Adrian Midgley

The Surprising Reason A Man Should Take A Pregnancy Test = Yes, he's pregnant? Nah! A prank diagnoses testicular tumor

(by Julian Lofts)

Kansas shooting: White supremacist Frazier Glenn Cross held

(BBC)


Kansas shooting: White supremacist Frazier Glenn Cross held = O, heck, forget Nazi SS soldiers! Gunman, he's Hitler racist spawn!

(by Jason Lofts)

Toilet-trained cat becomes an internet sensation

(The Daily Express)


Um, toilet-trained cat becomes an internet sensation = Ere a continent animal tenses its rectum in abode. OTT!

(by Julian Lofts)

George Osborne warns City to prepare for turmoil over Russia sanctions and interest rate rises

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Gwydion M Williams

George Osborne warns City to prepare for mad turmoil over Russia sanctions and interest rate rises = Russia's Crimean wrongdoings to be a test for Treasury. Air aim: Restore control, prevent a depression

(by Jason Lofts)

Theme park claims onesie record

(The Daily Telegraph)


Theme park claims onesie record = Order in a three-piece, mom slacks

(by Robert Jordan)

Onesie world record attempt

(Stuff.co.nz)


Onesie world record attempt = Two-piece on toddler smarter

(by Robert Jordan)

The Onesie world record attempt fails = Worst 'tot fashion' created - I'm repelled

(by Julian Lofts)

The Art of George W. Bush

(Huffington Post)

Photo: The Bush Center

The Art of George W. Bush = Aw, ego ... forget the brush!

(by Robert Jordan)

Oscar Pistorius flounders under grilling on 'improbable' testimony

(The Guardian)

Photo: Global Sports Forum

Transcript:Pistorius told the judge: "My lady, the sound of that gunshot in the bathroom, you wouldn't have heard anyone scream. The decibels of the gunshot, I don't believe you would have heard anyone scream. When I had finished firing the gunshots, I was screaming and I couldn't hear my own voice." = Oh yes, my lady (long nods). No accident - unsound conduct. Why? Oh, we had this huge, huge argument over Reeva's cheating. She hid behind the toilet door (Snort!). I shot my Parabellum four times, over and over again. No! Oh, the noise was just awful. I wanted her to die, my lady. I hated the bitch! (Sniff) PS I can't run.

(by Julian Lofts)

Pope Francis asks forgiveness for child abuse by clergy

(BBC)

Photo: Catholic Church

Pope Francis asks forgiveness for child sex abuse by Catholic clergy = Fact: Excessive buggery frolic/larks by pedophile Franciscans. Oh, SOS!

(by Jason Lofts)

'I wake smelling Reeva's blood', Oscar Pistorius tells court as he apologises to Steenkamp family

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: David Ian Roberts

'I wake smelling Reeva's blood', Oscar Pistorius tells court as he apologises to Steenkamp family = OP: 'I love (to kill) girlfriends'. Amputee's a bleak, remorseless, mega-psychotic assassin, outlaw too.

(by Julian Lofts)

Crocodile caught wandering around California mall

(Miami Herald)

Photo: Wildlife Wanderer

Crocodile caught wandering around a California mall = Old alligator found crawling in American arcade. Ouch!

(by Julian Lofts)

Angela Merkel denied access to her NSA file

(The Guardian)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

Angela Merkel denied access to her NSA file = Since German leader needs list of each leak

(by Julian Lofts)

Oscar Pistorius murder trial: Emotional Blade Runner takes stand in own defence

(ABC News)

Photo: Aktiv I Oslo

Oscar Pistorius murder trial: Emotional Blade Runner takes stand in own defence = A sordid case. Unclear if intruder was in toilet room? No, runner blasted Steenkamp!

(by Jason Lofts)

California bill to end killer whale shows at SeaWorld 'on hold'

(The Guardian)

(Watch Blackfish on DVD)

California bill to end killer whale shows at SeaWorld is 'on hold' = We think law will ban all Orca rodeo ride ("tail holds") foolishness

(by Julian Lofts)

Malaysia plane MH370: Possible new signal in search

(BBC)

Photo: DVIDSHUB

Malaysia plane MH370: Possible new signal in search = 370 billion pings - we analyse a sample - hm, crash in sea!

(by Jason Lofts)

Scientists calculate odd ways to die

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: mira66

Scientists calculate the odd ways to die = Lest I die, coconut death classed as witty!

(by Julian Lofts)

Woman Claims Rats Ate Her House

(Huffington Post)


Woman Claims Rats Ate Her House = Aha! Meow a lot, scam the insurers?

(by Robert Jordan)

Americans: Ukraine is in ... Greenland?

(BBC)


Americans: Ukraine is in ... Greenland? = A Russian: Crimea, kinda Lenin green

(by Robert Jordan)

Americans: Ukraine is in ... Greenland? = I seek Narnia in ... England ... Crimea (RUS)?

Americans: Ukraine is in ... Greenland? = Crimean geeks: USA in ... N.Ireland ... Iran?

(by Jason Lofts)

Ian Thorpe seriously ill in hospital

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Morton Lin

Ian James Thorpe, the champion Australian swimmer = Re: MRSA in his arm joint. Amputate! Heal epic showman.

(by Julian Lofts)