Modi broke the law, filed false affidavit on marital status, Congress complains to EC

(The Times of India)


Narendra Modi = And married? No!

(by Julian Lofts)

Wu-Tang-linked rapper cut off penis and leapt off balcony, say reports

(The Guardian)


Wu-Tang-linked rapper cut off his penis and leapt off balcony, say reports = Snipped organ, fell down, safe! Beautiful story or epic prank? PS: Fancy that!

(by Jason Lofts)

Pistorius trial: Forensic tests challenged

(BBC)

Photo: Trcanje Rs

Pistorius trial: Forensic tests challenged = Last inferences: 'I cursed, shot pistol at girl'

(by Julian Lofts)

Miley Cyrus Still Hospitalized, Denies It's Due to 'Hard Partying' or Dog's Death

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Wikimedia

Miley Cyrus Still Hospitalized, Denies It's Due to 'Hard Partying' or Dog's Death = A special: The randy, sordid, stupid, slutty, ditzy singer's ill (heart?). "O, go home! Die!"

(by Jason Lofts)

Man named Edward Cocaine arrested for drug possession

(The Independent)


A man named Edward Cocaine arrested for drug possession = Dear God! Spare us weird American facts. No odd names. Snore!

(by Julian Lofts)

Driving one of the last VW Kombis

(The Daily Telegraph)


Driving one of the last VW Kombis = Bet it'd finish. Volkswagen ... vroom

(by Robert Jordan)

Texas woman receives life sentence for stiletto killing

(BBC)

Photo: McBeth

Texas woman receives a life sentence for killing boyfriend with stiletto = Excelling as a svelte efficient narrow knife to slit enemy bodies. Throw it!

(by Julian Lofts)

Only Horse Yoga Could Look This Peacefully Strange

(Abb Takk)


Only Horse Yoga Could Look This Peacefully Strange = Eek! Psychological horses**t for a lonely young adult

(by Julian Lofts)

Celebrity vet Chris Brown interrupts 'dolphin orgy' during filming

(The Independent)


A celebrity vet, Chris Brown, interrupts a 'dolphins orgy' during underwater filming = What's the wry 'porpoise' for telling us? Dirty, inane, cringing, R-rated, rum, un-BBC drivel!

(by Julian Lofts)

Pistorius' Five Days of 'Cross' End With Teary Valentine

(ABC News)

ABC US News | ABC Business News

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I think today is a good day to tell you that I love you" = That's a bloody odious lie, you violent shooter, you killed Reeva! It's a tragedy (tear).

(by Jason Lofts)

The Surprising Reason Men Should Take Pregnancy Tests

(YourTango)

Photo: Adrian Midgley

The Surprising Reason A Man Should Take A Pregnancy Test = Yes, he's pregnant? Nah! A prank diagnoses testicular tumor

(by Julian Lofts)

Kansas shooting: White supremacist Frazier Glenn Cross held

(BBC)


Kansas shooting: White supremacist Frazier Glenn Cross held = O, heck, forget Nazi SS soldiers! Gunman, he's Hitler racist spawn!

(by Jason Lofts)

Toilet-trained cat becomes an internet sensation

(The Daily Express)


Um, toilet-trained cat becomes an internet sensation = Ere a continent animal tenses its rectum in abode. OTT!

(by Julian Lofts)

George Osborne warns City to prepare for turmoil over Russia sanctions and interest rate rises

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Gwydion M Williams

George Osborne warns City to prepare for mad turmoil over Russia sanctions and interest rate rises = Russia's Crimean wrongdoings to be a test for Treasury. Air aim: Restore control, prevent a depression

(by Jason Lofts)

Theme park claims onesie record

(The Daily Telegraph)


Theme park claims onesie record = Order in a three-piece, mom slacks

(by Robert Jordan)

Onesie world record attempt

(Stuff.co.nz)


Onesie world record attempt = Two-piece on toddler smarter

(by Robert Jordan)

The Onesie world record attempt fails = Worst 'tot fashion' created - I'm repelled

(by Julian Lofts)

The Art of George W. Bush

(Huffington Post)

Photo: The Bush Center

The Art of George W. Bush = Aw, ego ... forget the brush!

(by Robert Jordan)

Oscar Pistorius flounders under grilling on 'improbable' testimony

(The Guardian)

Photo: Global Sports Forum

Transcript:Pistorius told the judge: "My lady, the sound of that gunshot in the bathroom, you wouldn't have heard anyone scream. The decibels of the gunshot, I don't believe you would have heard anyone scream. When I had finished firing the gunshots, I was screaming and I couldn't hear my own voice." = Oh yes, my lady (long nods). No accident - unsound conduct. Why? Oh, we had this huge, huge argument over Reeva's cheating. She hid behind the toilet door (Snort!). I shot my Parabellum four times, over and over again. No! Oh, the noise was just awful. I wanted her to die, my lady. I hated the bitch! (Sniff) PS I can't run.

(by Julian Lofts)

Pope Francis asks forgiveness for child abuse by clergy

(BBC)

Photo: Catholic Church

Pope Francis asks forgiveness for child sex abuse by Catholic clergy = Fact: Excessive buggery frolic/larks by pedophile Franciscans. Oh, SOS!

(by Jason Lofts)

'I wake smelling Reeva's blood', Oscar Pistorius tells court as he apologises to Steenkamp family

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: David Ian Roberts

'I wake smelling Reeva's blood', Oscar Pistorius tells court as he apologises to Steenkamp family = OP: 'I love (to kill) girlfriends'. Amputee's a bleak, remorseless, mega-psychotic assassin, outlaw too.

(by Julian Lofts)