MH370: more powerful sonar needed in plane search, says Australia

(The Guardian)

Photo: US Navy

More powerful sonar needed in plane search, says Australia = Where? Ocean? I daresay, unless it appears on land (false rumor)

(by Julian Lofts)

Royals Depart Red Centre

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: The British Monarchy

Royals Depart Red Centre = Reporters canted dearly

(by Julian Lofts)

The next frontier in 3-D printing: Human organs

(WTVR)

Photo: Bre Pettis

Using cells to print human organs = Contouring lungs, ears, thin palms

(by Rosie Perera)

Did removing lead from petrol spark a decline in crime?

(BBC)

Photo: Melusina Parkin

Did removing lead from petrol spark a decline in crimes? = Admit - criminals or finks are more clever peddling dope!

(by Julian Lofts)

'Why is it racist to name our amazingly brilliant dog after a footballer?': Jeremy Clarkson in Twitter race row after calling his pet 'Didier Dogba'

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Charis Tsevis

Didier Drogba = Rabid dog? Dire!

(by Jason Lofts)

Prosecutor: Indicted art dealer, painter were 'masters of forgery and deceit'

(CNN)

Photo: Trinity3Kim

Glafira Rosales and Jose Carlos Bergantinos Diaz = Locals jailed on a diagnosis as brazen art forgers

(by Rosie Perera)

A little sprinkle ... and cheers

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Martin Cathrae

A little sprinkle on top... and cheers = Let teens drink Palcohol in repast

(by Julian Lofts)

Italy to sell off the world's most haunted island

(Haaretz Newspaper)

Photo: Jean-Pierre Dalbéra

Italy wants to sell off the world's most haunted island named Poveglia = Low atoll midst old Venetian history of plague and madness. What's left?

(by Julian Lofts)

Ukraine PM fears new Soviet Union

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Marco Residori

Ukraine's PM fears new Soviet Union = Kiev weeps: ain't for USSR - mean union!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Apple Maps Discovers 'Loch Ness Monster,' World Discovers Apple Maps

(The Wrap)

Photo: Kordite

Apple Maps Discover the 'Loch Ness Monster' = Solves deep Scotch serpent - morphs animal

(by Julian Lofts)

Pope baptises faithful at Easter vigil

(Stuff.co.nz)

Illustration: Roberto Rizzato

Pope Francis baptises faithful at Easter vigil = Gee, a bath for servile fanatics. Pitiful papists

(by Julian Lofts)

Atheist sues over license plate refusal

(CNN)

Photo: philly.com

Atheist sues over license plate refusal = Please use letters (use "faith's evil") on car

(by Rosie Perera)

Pakistan library named 'Bin Laden' in Islamic school

(BBC)

Photo: Matt S

A Pakistan library is named 'Bin Laden' in Islamic girls' school = Radical's shrine in Islamabad - abnormally sickening! Lo, I spit!

(by Julian Lofts)

Modi broke the law, filed false affidavit on marital status, Congress complains to EC

(The Times of India)


Narendra Modi = And married? No!

(by Julian Lofts)

Wu-Tang-linked rapper cut off penis and leapt off balcony, say reports

(The Guardian)


Wu-Tang-linked rapper cut off his penis and leapt off balcony, say reports = Snipped organ, fell down, safe! Beautiful story or epic prank? PS: Fancy that!

(by Jason Lofts)

Pistorius trial: Forensic tests challenged

(BBC)

Photo: Trcanje Rs

Pistorius trial: Forensic tests challenged = Last inferences: 'I cursed, shot pistol at girl'

(by Julian Lofts)

Miley Cyrus Still Hospitalized, Denies It's Due to 'Hard Partying' or Dog's Death

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Wikimedia

Miley Cyrus Still Hospitalized, Denies It's Due to 'Hard Partying' or Dog's Death = A special: The randy, sordid, stupid, slutty, ditzy singer's ill (heart?). "O, go home! Die!"

(by Jason Lofts)

Man named Edward Cocaine arrested for drug possession

(The Independent)


A man named Edward Cocaine arrested for drug possession = Dear God! Spare us weird American facts. No odd names. Snore!

(by Julian Lofts)

Driving one of the last VW Kombis

(The Daily Telegraph)


Driving one of the last VW Kombis = Bet it'd finish. Volkswagen ... vroom

(by Robert Jordan)

Texas woman receives life sentence for stiletto killing

(BBC)

Photo: McBeth

Texas woman receives a life sentence for killing boyfriend with stiletto = Excelling as a svelte efficient narrow knife to slit enemy bodies. Throw it!

(by Julian Lofts)