Bernie Ecclestone denies bribery in Germany trial

(BBC)

Photo: Paul Williams

The Formula One supremo Bernard Charles Ecclestone denies charges of bribery in Germany trial = Re: error - senile confabulation or racing car banditry? Greedy man schemes, he flops, ere he tumbles.

(by Julian Lofts)

Moldova, the Next Ukraine

(The New York Times)

Photo: Pieter van Marion

Transnistria region of Moldova = A transfer: Vladimir soon to go in

(by Rosie Perera)

MH370: more powerful sonar needed in plane search, says Australia

(The Guardian)

Photo: US Navy

More powerful sonar needed in plane search, says Australia = Where? Ocean? I daresay, unless it appears on land (false rumor)

(by Julian Lofts)

Royals Depart Red Centre

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: The British Monarchy

Royals Depart Red Centre = Reporters canted dearly

(by Julian Lofts)

The next frontier in 3-D printing: Human organs

(WTVR)

Photo: Bre Pettis

Using cells to print human organs = Contouring lungs, ears, thin palms

(by Rosie Perera)

Did removing lead from petrol spark a decline in crime?

(BBC)

Photo: Melusina Parkin

Did removing lead from petrol spark a decline in crimes? = Admit - criminals or finks are more clever peddling dope!

(by Julian Lofts)

'Why is it racist to name our amazingly brilliant dog after a footballer?': Jeremy Clarkson in Twitter race row after calling his pet 'Didier Dogba'

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Charis Tsevis

Didier Drogba = Rabid dog? Dire!

(by Jason Lofts)

Prosecutor: Indicted art dealer, painter were 'masters of forgery and deceit'

(CNN)

Photo: Trinity3Kim

Glafira Rosales and Jose Carlos Bergantinos Diaz = Locals jailed on a diagnosis as brazen art forgers

(by Rosie Perera)

A little sprinkle ... and cheers

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Martin Cathrae

A little sprinkle on top... and cheers = Let teens drink Palcohol in repast

(by Julian Lofts)

Italy to sell off the world's most haunted island

(Haaretz Newspaper)

Photo: Jean-Pierre Dalbéra

Italy wants to sell off the world's most haunted island named Poveglia = Low atoll midst old Venetian history of plague and madness. What's left?

(by Julian Lofts)

Ukraine PM fears new Soviet Union

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Marco Residori

Ukraine's PM fears new Soviet Union = Kiev weeps: ain't for USSR - mean union!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Apple Maps Discovers 'Loch Ness Monster,' World Discovers Apple Maps

(The Wrap)

Photo: Kordite

Apple Maps Discover the 'Loch Ness Monster' = Solves deep Scotch serpent - morphs animal

(by Julian Lofts)

Pope baptises faithful at Easter vigil

(Stuff.co.nz)

Illustration: Roberto Rizzato

Pope Francis baptises faithful at Easter vigil = Gee, a bath for servile fanatics. Pitiful papists

(by Julian Lofts)

Atheist sues over license plate refusal

(CNN)

Photo: philly.com

Atheist sues over license plate refusal = Please use letters (use "faith's evil") on car

(by Rosie Perera)

Pakistan library named 'Bin Laden' in Islamic school

(BBC)

Photo: Matt S

A Pakistan library is named 'Bin Laden' in Islamic girls' school = Radical's shrine in Islamabad - abnormally sickening! Lo, I spit!

(by Julian Lofts)

Modi broke the law, filed false affidavit on marital status, Congress complains to EC

(The Times of India)


Narendra Modi = And married? No!

(by Julian Lofts)

Wu-Tang-linked rapper cut off penis and leapt off balcony, say reports

(The Guardian)


Wu-Tang-linked rapper cut off his penis and leapt off balcony, say reports = Snipped organ, fell down, safe! Beautiful story or epic prank? PS: Fancy that!

(by Jason Lofts)

Pistorius trial: Forensic tests challenged

(BBC)

Photo: Trcanje Rs

Pistorius trial: Forensic tests challenged = Last inferences: 'I cursed, shot pistol at girl'

(by Julian Lofts)

Miley Cyrus Still Hospitalized, Denies It's Due to 'Hard Partying' or Dog's Death

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Wikimedia

Miley Cyrus Still Hospitalized, Denies It's Due to 'Hard Partying' or Dog's Death = A special: The randy, sordid, stupid, slutty, ditzy singer's ill (heart?). "O, go home! Die!"

(by Jason Lofts)

Man named Edward Cocaine arrested for drug possession

(The Independent)


A man named Edward Cocaine arrested for drug possession = Dear God! Spare us weird American facts. No odd names. Snore!

(by Julian Lofts)