Search for Cervantes' lost remains: team to begin sweep of Madrid convent

(The Guardian)

Photo: Jose Luis Cernadas Iglesias

Search for Miguel Cervantes' lost remains: team to begin sweep of Madrid convent = Recite best news as descriptive novelist ("Man of La Mancha") to emerge from ground

(by Julian Lofts)

George Clooney reportedly engaged to Amal Alamuddin

(Los Angeles Times)


George Clooney is reportedly engaged to Amal Alamuddin = Google report: "One leading gay male actor dined lady muse"

(by Jason Lofts)

Lessons the British legal system could learn from the Pistorius trial

(The Guardian)

Photo: Gwydion M Williams

Lessons the British legal system could learn from the Oscar Pistorius trial = It's illegal to humorlessly shoot trespasser first and lie in court chambers

(by Julian Lofts)

As Deadline Passes, Syria Is Pressed to Complete Destruction of Its Chemical Arms

(The New York Times)

Photo: Steve Rhodes

As deadline passes, Syria is pressed to complete destruction of its chemical arms = In politics, seems it's time to decide Assad's pressured to scrap arsenal of alchemy

(by Jason Lofts)

Only Lovers Left Alive

(myDylarama)


A sumptuous film - "Only Lovers Left Alive" = Um, isn't tale of soulful vampires lovely?

(by Julian Lofts)

Two popes canonised, but how miraculous should saints be?

(Sydney Morning Herald)

Photo: Prince of Peace Catholic Church

Equipollent canonisation = No poll on "quite a nice saint"

(by Julian Lofts)

This Woman Ate Mice And Other Pet Store Critters For A Week And Regrets Nothing

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Brittany Randolph

This Woman Ate Mice And Other Pet Store Critters For A Week And Regrets Nothing = Gather the protein treats together: fried worms, minnows and ... cats? Reaction: eek!

(by Jason Lofts)

Bernie Ecclestone denies bribery in Germany trial

(BBC)

Photo: Paul Williams

The Formula One supremo Bernard Charles Ecclestone denies charges of bribery in Germany trial = Re: error - senile confabulation or racing car banditry? Greedy man schemes, he flops, ere he tumbles.

(by Julian Lofts)

Moldova, the Next Ukraine

(The New York Times)

Photo: Pieter van Marion

Transnistria region of Moldova = A transfer: Vladimir soon to go in

(by Rosie Perera)

MH370: more powerful sonar needed in plane search, says Australia

(The Guardian)

Photo: US Navy

More powerful sonar needed in plane search, says Australia = Where? Ocean? I daresay, unless it appears on land (false rumor)

(by Julian Lofts)

Royals Depart Red Centre

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: The British Monarchy

Royals Depart Red Centre = Reporters canted dearly

(by Julian Lofts)

The next frontier in 3-D printing: Human organs

(WTVR)

Photo: Bre Pettis

Using cells to print human organs = Contouring lungs, ears, thin palms

(by Rosie Perera)

Did removing lead from petrol spark a decline in crime?

(BBC)

Photo: Melusina Parkin

Did removing lead from petrol spark a decline in crimes? = Admit - criminals or finks are more clever peddling dope!

(by Julian Lofts)

'Why is it racist to name our amazingly brilliant dog after a footballer?': Jeremy Clarkson in Twitter race row after calling his pet 'Didier Dogba'

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Charis Tsevis

Didier Drogba = Rabid dog? Dire!

(by Jason Lofts)

Prosecutor: Indicted art dealer, painter were 'masters of forgery and deceit'

(CNN)

Photo: Trinity3Kim

Glafira Rosales and Jose Carlos Bergantinos Diaz = Locals jailed on a diagnosis as brazen art forgers

(by Rosie Perera)

A little sprinkle ... and cheers

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Martin Cathrae

A little sprinkle on top... and cheers = Let teens drink Palcohol in repast

(by Julian Lofts)

Italy to sell off the world's most haunted island

(Haaretz Newspaper)

Photo: Jean-Pierre Dalbéra

Italy wants to sell off the world's most haunted island named Poveglia = Low atoll midst old Venetian history of plague and madness. What's left?

(by Julian Lofts)

Ukraine PM fears new Soviet Union

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Marco Residori

Ukraine's PM fears new Soviet Union = Kiev weeps: ain't for USSR - mean union!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Apple Maps Discovers 'Loch Ness Monster,' World Discovers Apple Maps

(The Wrap)

Photo: Kordite

Apple Maps Discover the 'Loch Ness Monster' = Solves deep Scotch serpent - morphs animal

(by Julian Lofts)

Pope baptises faithful at Easter vigil

(Stuff.co.nz)

Illustration: Roberto Rizzato

Pope Francis baptises faithful at Easter vigil = Gee, a bath for servile fanatics. Pitiful papists

(by Julian Lofts)