London named the #selfie capital of the world

(The Independent)

Photo: Matthew G

London named the selfie capital of the world = Fame! Defend all hated hollow introspection

(by Julian Lofts)

Election results send message to Indian politicians

(The National)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

Election results send message to Indian politicians = No more escalating nepotistic silliness - need audits

(by Julian Lofts)

A tortoise ran away from home

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Sandy Redding

A tortoise ran away from home = A hare as of anytime tomorrow

(by Robert Jordan)

Nicole Kidman: 'On a high wire'

(BBC)

Image: Global Panorama

Australian actor Nicole Kidman ~ lacklustred in a tiara in Monaco

(by Julian Lofts)

Jurassic World actor gets trapped inside dinosaur

(The Independent)

Photo: Marco Becerra

Actor gets trapped inside dinosaur = Digestion in a raptor - turds escaped

(by Julian Lofts)

Turkey mine explosion: rescuers search for trapped workers as 200 confirmed dead

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Jan Truter

Turkish coal mine disaster in Soma = So stoical amid methane risk, ruins

(by Julian Lofts)

World's Heaviest Drinkers News: Belarus Of Eastern Europe Topped The List

(KDrama Stars)

Photo: Ilya Kuzniatsou

Biggest alcohol consumption by litres: 1. Belarus 2. Moldova 3. Lithuania = 1. SOB! It is a dipsomaniac country! 2. Blotto as hell 3. All hungover ... Belgium?

(by Jason Lofts)

500-year-old mystery: Wreck off Haiti may be Columbus' flagship Santa Maria

(CNN)

Photo: OZinOH

Columbus's ship may have been found near Haiti = Hopeful hunch by bums on dive: "I see Santa Maria!"

(by Rosie Perera)

Oscar Pistorius faces referral to state psychiatric hospital for evaluation

(The Daily Telegraph)

Illustration: Robert Ball

Oscar Pistorius faces referral to state psychiatric hospital for mental evaluation = Apt client! Prosecutor oft assumes he's a psychotic, irrational liar. It's fatal for Reeva.

(by Julian Lofts)

Putin's dangerous game

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: World Economic Forum

Putin's dangerous game = "Used nepotism...." -Anu Garg

(by Julian Lofts)

Super-rich London becomes billionaire capital of the world. It has nearly twice as many as New York, figures show

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Pedro Ribeiro Simões

Super-rich London becomes the billionaires capital of the world. It has nearly twice as many plutocrats as New York, figures show = Yes, word's out - Russian homes, palaces in Pimlico, Barbican, Chelsea. Not Archway, Ilford, Kentish Town, Purley, Forest Gate, Tower Hill

(by Julian Lofts)

Austria wins Eurovision Song Contest

(BBC)

Photo: Gerold Neuwirt

Austria finally wins the Eurovision Song Contest in Copenhagen = A soprano ingenue, "he" (Conchita Wurst) sings faintly on television

(by Jason Lofts)

Brunei Ownership Casts a Shadow on a Beverly Hills Hotel

(The New York Times)

Photo: Mark Weston

Brunei Ownership of a Beverly Hills Hotel Casts a Shadow = How A-listers help subvert obscene Sharia law. Doh, if only!

(by Julian Lofts)

Russian politician condemns Eurovision as 'Europe-wide gay parade'

(The Guardian)

Photo: Wikimedia

Conchita Wurst, aka Tom Neuwirth = Wow, Man, cute skirt! Not cut hair, ah!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Conchita Wurst = Circus whatnot

(by Julian Lofts)

What We Know Now About the Kidnapped Nigerian Girls

(ABC News)

Photo: Michael Fleshman

What We Know Now About the Kidnapped Nigerian Girls = Wow! I wonder what Brangelina think? Deign to speak up.

(by Julian Lofts)

3-D ketchup invension

(MSN)

Screenshot: MSN.com

Three-D ketchup invension = Oh, reinvented in SketchUp!

(by Jason Lofts)

Three-D ketchup invension = Think phonetics never due?

(by Robert Jordan)

Also see Geraldine the Giraffe learns /tion/ spelling

Stuart Hall 'raped teenage girls in BBC dressing room'

(BBC)

Photo: CREDITS

Stuart Hall 'raped teenage girls in BBC dressing room' = Grr! So this lusting predator banged belles in camera?

(by Jason Lofts)

Angela Merkel 'ditches sausage sandwiches for diet

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: IMF

Angela Merkel 'ditches sausage sandwiches for diet = "I eat green salads - eschew meat for duckling" she said

(by Julian Lofts)

Thailand court ousts PM Yingluck

(BBC)

Photo: Foreign and Commonwealth Office

Yingluck Shinawatra = Rah! Sacking a wily nut

(by Robert Jordan)

'International Clitoris Awareness Week' Pays Homage To 'A Magnificent Organ'

(Huffington Post)

Illustration: Wikimedia

'International Clitoris Awareness Week' Pays Homage To 'A Magnificent Organ' = If we stroke genitalia, creating an intense orgasm, spoilt women cry "Aaaah! No!"

(by Julian Lofts)