Nadine Gordimer, anti-apartheid author, dies aged 90

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Lärarnas Nyheter

The famous South African novelist Nadine Gordimer dies = Didn't endorse infamous evil regime. Ah, author no fascist!

(by Julian Lofts)

Don't Score Messi for Argentina

An anagram of the popular song Don't Cry for Me Argentina. This version talks about what the German football coach Joachim Löw was thinking on the eve of the World Cup final in Brazil.

(by Julian Lofts)

DON'T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA As sung by Ms Sarah Brightman and Elaine Page in the musical based on Evita Peron's life Lyrics: Sir Tim Miles Rice Music: Baron Andrew Lloyd Webber It won't be easy, you'll think it strange When I try to explain how I feel That I still need your love after all that I've done You won't believe me All you will see is a girl you once knew Although she's dressed up to the nines At sixes and sevens with you I had to let it happen, I had to change Couldn't stay all my life down at heel Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun So I chose freedom Running around, trying everything new But nothing impressed me at all I never expected it too Don't cry for me Argentina The truth is I never left you All through my wild days My mad existence I kept my promise Don't keep your distance And as for fortune, and as for fame I never invited them in Though it seemed to the world they were all I desired They are illusions They are not the solutions they promised to be The answer was here all the time I love you and hope you love me Don't cry for me Argentina The truth is I never left you All through my wild days My mad existence I kept my promise Don't keep your distance Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you. But all you have to do is look at me to know That every word is true

=

DON'T SCORE MESSI FOR ARGENTINA It won't be Diego, or the "Hand of God" Who wins the World Cup title tomorrow Die deutsche Mannschaft will annihilate you No one believed you're the Messi-ah You mustn't destroy the team you loved We were alive, dominant victors Merely winning the semi seven to one (OTT!) I had to let Khedira play, I extolled my team Hummels, Thom Muller, Mesut the little Turk. I love Lurking on the bench, avoiding the tacky telly I chose Lahm as captain Short like you, trying everything overt and new Lithe Neuer too impressed in goal, but Truth is we never expected you to run Don't score Messi for Argentina Truth is you've hated me, despite My fashionably long hair and The sexy dark shirts I promise you a lovely win Please keep your distance (I bite!) And as for football and as for infamy I never teetered I thought when we won the test to the death Poxy Herr Klinsmann Could only manage third in South Africa The secret deed was getting Klose in again I love to win and hope you love us Don't score Messi for Argentina Truth is you've hated me, despite My fashionably long hair The sexy blue shirts I promised our fans Please keep your distance Yet is that torment really fair? You would always be my special friend If you failed to net the winning goal Why I'd truly adore you my bonny little man!

Mario Goetze displays his great talent in scoring historic World Cup winner for Germany

(Fox News)

Photo: Danilo Borges/Portal da Copa

Goal scorer in Brazil finals, Mario Goetze = A sizzling footballer - Argies are moronic!

(by Jason Lofts)

Mario Goetze displays his great talent in scoring historic World Cup winner for Germany

(Fox News)

Photo: Franz Walter

Goal scorer in Brazil finals, Mario Goetze = O, realize, Sir, amazing scoring footballer!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

J. Crew faces backlash over new size 000

(New York Daily News)

Photo: Michael Daddino

J. Crew blasted as it introduces new 000 "vanity sizing" = "000?!" Citizens' jaws wag at contrived nubile tiny dress

(by Rosie Perera)

Joanna Lumley: 'Being patted on the bottom is not assault'

(The Independent)

Photo: fluterirl

Joanna Lumley: 'Being patted on the bottom is not assault' = A panel attests: "Jo's one tall hot beauty, mind numbing too!"

(by Julian Lofts)

McDonald's to host World Cup celebration

(Mass Live)

Photo: RiveraNotario

McDonalds is the official restaurant of the FIFA World Cup = Harsh critics: "It is damned awful food! A lot of crap! Effluent!"

(by Julian Lofts)

Snowpiercer movie review: All aboard for this strange but compelling sci-fi journey

Snowpiercer movie review: All aboard for this strange but compelling sci-fi journey ()


'Snowpiercer' movie review: All aboard for this strange but compelling sci-fi journey = Subject: Violence warning, as train plows over icy rail bridges, hopeful for more time.

'Snowpiercer' movie review: All aboard for this strange but compelling sci-fi journey = Glimpse of few heroes in crowd on survival train, on implausible iceberg trajectory.

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Study: Smelling farts is good for your health

(The Week)

Illustration: Ibnu Lukman

Smelling farts is good for your health = Slightly inhale odor of guts (from arse)

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Escort left Google exec to die on yacht

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Alix Tichelman

A high end escort, Alix Tichelman, left a Google executive to die on his yacht = Sex, vice, tattoos, cocaine, get high, heroin, a hit, minx fled, death, eulogy, a cell...

(by Julian Lofts)

Lionel Messi - one of the greatest players of all time?

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: The Sport Review

Argentina's star Lionel Messi = Man's real interest is in goals

(by Jason Lofts)

Brazil president Dilma Rousseff 'sad,' 'sorry' about FIFA World Cup defeat

(Daily News & Analysis)

Photo: Groupo CEEE

The current Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff = Lamented surprise finish after Brazil trounced

(by Julian Lofts)

Former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin sentenced to 10 years in prison

(Washington Post)

Photo: Karen Apricot

Former New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin = A new synonym for managerial error?

(by Julian Lofts)

World's tallest teen girl is almost 7 foot tall

(BT)


Rumeysa Gelgi = I sure am leggy

(by Chris Sturdy)

Luiz Felipe Scolari takes the blame for Brazil's 7-1 loss to Germany

Yahoo! Sports)

Carlos Kubo

Luiz Felipe Scolari says he takes the general blame for his national team's rout = As Germans effortlessly keelhaul Brazil, lamentation I hear is: "Cease! Hop it! Out!"

(by Jason Lofts)

Brazil's humiliating defeat to Germany

(Flickr)

Photo: Wolf Gang

Brazil's humiliating defeat to Germany = Mighty bitter failure, amazing end also

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Germany dominates Brazil in stunning 7-1 victory to advance to World Cup final

(Yahoo! Sports)

Photo: Fanis Xouryas

Germany dominates Brazil = As men do terribly. Amazing!

(by Adie Pena)

Oscar Pistorius video: what is The Evidence Room?

(The Daily Telegraph)


The Evidence Room = Recent Home Video

(by Mark McNamara)

Oops! Highway Sign Misspelled

(MSN)


Oops! Highway Sign Misspelled = Slip lane? Miss Piggy whooshed

(by Robert Jordan)

Pakistani newlyweds decapitated by bride's family in honor killing

(CNN)

Photo: Brett Jordan

Pakistani newlyweds decapitated by bride's family in honor killing = Get blessed initially, or kidnapped by criminal with knife. Nowadays?!

(by Dharam)