Gaza conflict: Hamas vows no Israel ceasefire

(BBC)

Photo: Milosh Kosanovich

The Israel-Gaza conflict = Crazies fight all at once

(by Rosie Perera)

Walmart's Ice Cream Sandwiches Don't Melt In The Sun

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Jeff Golden

Walmart's Ice Cream Sandwiches Don't Melt In The Sun = Scram when mum calls don't eat what is inside (center)!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Death by firing squad? How America executes inmates on death row

(Los Angeles Times)

Photo: Steve Rhodes

Death Row houses prisoners awaiting execution = Sins are wiped out with noose, chair, or gas. Exeunt.

(by Jason Lofts)

Officials: ISIS blows up Jonah's tomb in Iraq

(CNN)


ISIS blows up Jonah's tomb in Iraq = Jabs: "Quit non-Islam worship!" (I sob.)

(by Rosie Perera)

Report: Wreckage of Air Algerie plane spotted in the Mali desert

(CNN)

Photo: Abdallah

Air Algerie plane crashes over Mali = Oh, small pieces arrive in large area

(by Rosie Perera)

FAA lifts US flight restrictions for Tel Aviv

(Los Angeles Times)

Photo: Nicolás Lope de Barrios

Israel's Ben Gurion International Airport (Tel Aviv) = US to repeal ban on airlines arriving to it in travel

(by Rosie Perera)

The Gaza crisis proves that 'the international community' is nothing more than a myth

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Dale Spencer

The Gaza crisis = A craziest sigh.

(by Adie Pena)

Q&A: How Malaysia Airlines can salvage its brand

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Doug

How Malaysia Airlines can salvage its brand = Malaysians: We'd archive an ailing albatross

(by Julian Lofts)

Asymmetric Man-Thongs Are The Most Insane Thing A Man Can Wear This Summer

(BuzzFeed)


Asymmetric man-thongs are the most insane thing a man can wear this summer = Mamma mia! Men's teensy swim or suntanning garments (crotch sheath?) are a hit!

(by Jason Lofts)

Mortars fired into Israel two hours into temporary cease-fire

(CNN)

Photo: Israel Defense Forces F

Mortars fired from Gaza to Israel = A flare from air grazed motorists

(by Rosie Perera)

Former Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi Dodges Seven Years in Jail over "Ruby" Case

(China Topix)

Photo: Xoan Baltar

Former Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi dodges seven years in jail over "Ruby" case = Perverse voyeur Il Cavaliere's jubilant. Analysis: some sin, no crime, God forbid!

(by Jason Lofts)

What exactly is in McDonald's french fries?

(CNN)

Photo: Lily May

What exactly is in McDonald's french fries? = Chefs claim: "We drench toxins in lardy fats!"

(by Dharam)

Also see McSpotlight and Super Size Me.

Malaysia Airlines plane MH17 'shot down' in Ukraine - as it happened

(The Guardian)

Photo: Daniel Petzold

Isn't the crash of Malaysia Airlines aeroplane near Grabovo in the Donetsk region, in the Ukraine ~ a horror. O, insane renegades point a cannon, fire a Buk missile in anger. Their hit takes a heavy toll

(by Julian Lofts)

Chelsea Manning to receive military 'gender treatment'

(BBC)

Photo: Eric Wagner

"Private" Chelsea Manning is allowed to receive military 'gender treatment' and ~ (in a dirtier sentence) change male genitals to a woman. Very perverted, I'll admit.

(by Julian Lofts)

Large crater appears at the 'end of the world'

(The Siberian Times)


Massive crater appears at the 'end of the world' on Yamal Peninsula = Neat assumptive theory: aliens from space or a landward elephant?

(by Julian Lofts)

Man sets house afire trying to kill spider with lighter, spray paint

(KOMOnews)

Photo: Dennis Wilkinson

Man sets house afire trying to kill spider with lighter, spray paint = Got insight? Uh...there are smarter ways to kill an itsy flippin' spider.

(by Rosie Perera)

Goldman Sachs posts higher profit and revenue

(The New Zealand Herald)

Graphic: Alyce Santoro

Goldman Sachs posts higher profit and revenue = Invest in gold and shares perform - huge cash pot!

(by Julian Lofts)

Vera Sidika (Kenya's Kim Kardashian) Ignites Backlash Over Skin Bleaching

(eurweb)


The Kenyan party host/model Vera Sidika = Overtly needy "Kim Kardashian" - OTT shape!

(by Jason Lofts)

Nadine Gordimer, anti-apartheid author, dies aged 90

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Lärarnas Nyheter

The famous South African novelist Nadine Gordimer dies = Didn't endorse infamous evil regime. Ah, author no fascist!

(by Julian Lofts)

Don't Score Messi for Argentina

An anagram of the popular song Don't Cry for Me Argentina. This version talks about what the German football coach Joachim Löw was thinking on the eve of the World Cup final in Brazil.

(by Julian Lofts)

DON'T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA As sung by Ms Sarah Brightman and Elaine Page in the musical based on Evita Peron's life Lyrics: Sir Tim Miles Rice Music: Baron Andrew Lloyd Webber It won't be easy, you'll think it strange When I try to explain how I feel That I still need your love after all that I've done You won't believe me All you will see is a girl you once knew Although she's dressed up to the nines At sixes and sevens with you I had to let it happen, I had to change Couldn't stay all my life down at heel Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun So I chose freedom Running around, trying everything new But nothing impressed me at all I never expected it too Don't cry for me Argentina The truth is I never left you All through my wild days My mad existence I kept my promise Don't keep your distance And as for fortune, and as for fame I never invited them in Though it seemed to the world they were all I desired They are illusions They are not the solutions they promised to be The answer was here all the time I love you and hope you love me Don't cry for me Argentina The truth is I never left you All through my wild days My mad existence I kept my promise Don't keep your distance Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you. But all you have to do is look at me to know That every word is true

=

DON'T SCORE MESSI FOR ARGENTINA It won't be Diego, or the "Hand of God" Who wins the World Cup title tomorrow Die deutsche Mannschaft will annihilate you No one believed you're the Messi-ah You mustn't destroy the team you loved We were alive, dominant victors Merely winning the semi seven to one (OTT!) I had to let Khedira play, I extolled my team Hummels, Thom Muller, Mesut the little Turk. I love Lurking on the bench, avoiding the tacky telly I chose Lahm as captain Short like you, trying everything overt and new Lithe Neuer too impressed in goal, but Truth is we never expected you to run Don't score Messi for Argentina Truth is you've hated me, despite My fashionably long hair and The sexy dark shirts I promise you a lovely win Please keep your distance (I bite!) And as for football and as for infamy I never teetered I thought when we won the test to the death Poxy Herr Klinsmann Could only manage third in South Africa The secret deed was getting Klose in again I love to win and hope you love us Don't score Messi for Argentina Truth is you've hated me, despite My fashionably long hair The sexy blue shirts I promised our fans Please keep your distance Yet is that torment really fair? You would always be my special friend If you failed to net the winning goal Why I'd truly adore you my bonny little man!