Wordsmith.org : the magic of words

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Vandals deflate giant 'sex toy' sculpture in Paris

(The Daily Telegraph)


By the morning, the blow up art work was a shapeless green mess. Paul McCarthy said he did not want it to be repaired or re-erected = Pop artist hoped he can remonstrate with redneck crowd who swear eyesore resembles a giant anal butt plug yet disbarred him
(by Julian Lofts)

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Shrien Dewani fit to stand trial over honeymoon murder of wife Anni

(The Guardian)
Photo: Global Panorama


The South African honeymoon killer Shrien Dewani = Wed Anni, hires man to kill her. Ooh, a fishy encounter!
(by Julian Lofts)

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Britain redeploys drones to fight Isis

(Financial Times)
Photo: US DOD


Britain redeploys drones to fight Isis = Its toil brings hope. Destroy a fiend, sir!
(by Maurice Goddard)

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Kurds struggle to defend besieged Syrian town from ISIS

(Fox News)
Photo: Sozialfotografie


Kurds struggle to defend besieged Syrian town from ISIS = Kobani resists doggedly, tired regiment suffers wounds
(by Jason Lofts)

Boris Johnson says voters don't care about his extra-marital affairs

(The Independent)
Photo: The CBI


Boris Johnson says voters don't care about his extra-marital affairs = As I fear, London Mayor is a brash extrovert, ruts, has job satisfaction!
(by Jason Lofts)

Malala's Nobel Peace Prize message to the Middle East

(Al Arabiya)
Photo: Bruno Sanchez-Andrade


Malala's Nobel Peace Prize message to the Middle East ~ anagrammatized: teach demoiselles, beat people less!
(by Jason Lofts)

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Talent Agency Drops Stephen Collins, Wife Calls Him A Sociopath & Pedophile

(Starpulse)
Photo: Gage Skidmore


Talent agency drops US actor Stephen Collins, wife calls him a sociopath & a pedophile = What a confession: Suspect (a loathsome chap) preyed on this pliant girl. Police called.
(by Jason Lofts)

Malala calls for child rights after joint Nobel Peace Prize

(BBC)
Art: Albert Tarragó


And speaking at the news conference in Birmingham, UK, where she now lives, she revealed she found out the news after being called out of her chemistry class at her school. Despite her intense excitement, she said she still attended her remaining afternoon lessons in physics and English. = Who? Uh, she's this effervescent female Pakistani student Malala. She becomes the youngest Nobel Peace laureate in history. She's seventeen. She'll share the winnings with the Indian campaigner for work for children's rights. Oslo conceded she excels in deed, in tenderness and inner might.
(by Julian Lofts)

Friday, October 10, 2014

Red Bull doesn't give you wings - lawsuit

(The New Zealand Herald)
Photo: Mikey G


Red Bull doesn't give you wings - lawsuit = Even I swallow drugs, guys, but I don't lie!
(by Aronas Pinchas)

The Austrian energy drink Red Bull doesn't really give you wings - company settles big lawsuits = Cult brew? "Real men" ingest it. What sly skulduggery! Beverage is only soda - no nutrients. Dismal pity!
(by Julian Lofts)

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Thirteen-year-old says she'll be the first human on Mars

(CNet)


Thirteen-year-old says she'll be the first human on Mars Ah! A starry mission! Her hell-bent dream to fly enthuses!
(by Maurice Goddard)

Alyssa Carson = Lass cry: 'O NASA!'
(by Aronas Pinchas)

'Alien life found above Derbyshire proves we're descended from extraterrestrials' say scientists

(The Independent)
Photo: Roberto Rizzato


'Alien life found above Derbyshire proves we're descended from extraterrestrials' say scientists = I'll swear inferiors erred. Discovery expresses the fact: Eden's bible story of Adam and Eve isn't true!
(by Maurice Goddard)

What's life like in a South African prison?

(CNN)
Cartoon: Roy Blumenthal


What's life like in a South African prison? = I think Pistorius will face fear. Hosanna!
(by Julian Lofts)

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Ebola patient Thomas Eric Duncan dies at Dallas hospital

(Yahoo! News)
Photo: Jornal Brasil em Folhas


Thomas Eric Duncan = Can't cure him. Sad, no?

Thomas Eric Duncan = Death occurs in man
(by Aronas Pinchas)

Oh, deer! Outrage as Zurich zoo puts animals on menu

(RT)
Photo: placeboe


Oh, deer! Outrage as a zoo puts its animals on menu = Eat up denizens: goat, mouse, 'roo, also tahr! Um, a sin?
(by Jason Lofts)

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Twin Peaks season 3: David Lynch drama gets 2016 release date after 25 year break

(The Independent)
Photo: Wikimedia


Twin Peaks Series Three = These writers seek pain
(by Julian Lofts)

Monday, October 6, 2014

US ebola victim 'fighting for his life'

(The Times)
Photo: NIAID


US ebola victim 'fighting for his life' = I ill. Bug, high fever, fits, coma, to finis?
(by Maurice Goddard)

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Kim Jong-un "is so fat from eating cheese that he has broken his ankles"

(Metro)
Photo: Mike Licht


The dictator Kim Jong-un "is so fat from eating cheese that he has broken his ankles" = Jibe aimed at highest North Korean: scoffing so much 'Kase' that latter on his knees
(by Jason Lofts)

Saturday, October 4, 2014

We will use 'all assets' to hunt down jihadists who murdered British hostage Alan Henning, vows David Cameron

(The Daily Telegraph)
Photo: The US Army


"We will use all the assets we have to try and help those hostages... and defeat this organisation which is utterly ruthless and barbaric. There is no level of depravity to which they will not sink. No appeals made any difference," said David Cameron = "These irate Arab characters viciously beheaded Foley, Sotloff, Haines, Gourdel, now Henning, as if they were livestock. I'm appalled at their nasty threats and dastardly acts. It's showdown time! We will prevail and punish the heathen devils soon!"
(by Jason Lofts)

Friday, October 3, 2014

Mind-controlled exoskeleton lets paralysed people walk

(New Scientist)


Mind-controlled exoskeleton lets paralysed people walk = Experimental plods worked! Lastly, led to no knee collapse!
(by Maurice Goddard)

The Walking Dead 'Human Flesh' Burger recipe by Chef James Thomlinson

(The Huffington Post)

Photo: Sea Turtle

How to make The Walking Dead 'Human Flesh' burgers:

*makes 6-8 burgers*

400g pork mince
400g veal mince
200g bone marrow (minced)

Salt and pepper to taste, the less seasoning you use the more it tastes like human flesh!!!

Mix together the pork, veal and bone marrow in a large bowl.

Firmly grind together the meat until evenly mixed.

Add salt and pepper to taste, fry a little of the meat in a pan to taste and adjust seasoning accordingly.

Shape the burgers using a 90mm cutter - if you don't have one then shape by hand. You should use around 150g of the mixture per patty.

Cook the burgers in a frying pan on a medium hot temperature, frequently turning the meat often until you reach your desired colour.

Finish off in the oven at 180 for 6 minutes, or more if you like your human flesh well done.

ENJOY!!!
= Appropriate not only for the hungriest man or cannibals, the unusual recipe by expert chef James Thomlinson (freephone 0800 800 640 640 510), tested by many informed volunteers, stems from his unflagging research (see quotes*). He purposely intended to fake or approximate fresh homonid meat.

*In the 1920s William Seabrook persuaded an unfortunate undergraduate medical student to give him a chunk of flesh to eat, then wrote: "It was like good, fully developed veal, not young, but not yet beef." Furthermore Thomlinson used an account by the mad Japanese cannibal killer Issei Sagawa, who said the human meat "melted in my mouth like raw tuna."

Serve piping hot. Then try honey mustard, truffles or Greek yoghurt next to make it really yummy, not horrid.

UGH!!! GORGE, GAG AND REGURGITATE!!!
(by Jason Lofts)