The Anagram Times

Friday, October 31, 2014

Chelsea Handler mocks Putin with topless photo; Instagram says no

Chelsea Handler mocks Putin with topless photo; Instagram says no = Lithe woman's nipplegate snapshot on horse shocks. Radical, smutty!

(by Jason Lofts)

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Sarah Palin Says She's Hoping To Run For Office Again

(Huffington Post)

Sarah Palin Says She's Hoping To Run For Office Again = Pres of Russia: "Oh, ho! A passing fancy, another failing!"

(by Dharam)

Sarah Palin Says She's Hoping To Run For Office Again = A laugh, no? Horrifying fat ass scenario if so happens!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Edmonton Airport Therapy Dogs Aim To Calm Travellers

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Global Jet

Therapy Dogs in Edmonton Airport = Departing to indoor pets' harmony

(by Rosie Perera)

Unmanned Antares rocket explodes on launch

(USA Today)

Photo: NASA Goddard Space Flight Center

Unmanned Antares rocket explodes on launch = An alarm! Oh! No! End result's an unexpected conk!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Baby wipes recalled due to bacterial contamination

(CNN)

Photo: Smokey Combs

Nutek Disposables baby wipes recalled = Dubbed news says, "Bacteria kills people!"

(by Rosie Perera)

Monday, October 27, 2014

What HAS Renee Zellweger done to her face?

Daily Mail

WALK AWAY RENEE
sung by The Four Tops

And when I see the sign that points one way
The lot we used to pass by every day

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame

From deep inside the tears
I'm forced to cry
From deep inside the pain
That I chose to hide

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain burns down upon my
weary eyes
For me it cries

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain burns down upon my weary eyes
For me it cries

Your name and mine inside
A heart on a wall
Still finds a way to haunt me
Though they're so small

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame

LOOK AT YOU NOW, RENEE
by www.eeriewoman.com

We liked your milky skin, the feline eyes,
The baby-cheeks as plump as apple-pie.

Why did you change Renée?
Your many fans didn't want you to,
That horsey face, the now blank smile are not the same,
It's you we blame.

Why can't you see what you
Perceived as flaws
Were facets of your face
That we all adored?

Look at you now, Renée,
The same as so many other babes,
You think we like you with your brow so smooth 'n' new,
Well it's not true.

Look at you now, Renée,
A wilful woman who lost her way
The mystery's gone and now we think you seem just bland,
Just perma-tanned.

You won't play Bridget Jones,
No, the moment's passed,
You're just like someone from a
'Mamma Mia' cast

Look at the new Renée
A symbol of mediocrity,
Remember when your face had personality?
It's sad to see.

(by Tony Crafter)

British parrot named Nigel vanishes four years ago - only to return speaking Spanish

(The Daily Express)

Photo: Brenna Daugherty

British parrot named Nigel vanishes four years ago - only to return speaking Spanish = Interesting enigma! Proof: upon drinking sherry, he says "Hasta la vista!", "Burro", "Espanol"

(by Julian Lofts)

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Boy Who Shot Albino Deer With Crossbow Receives Death Threats

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Adrian Korte

Boy who killed albino deer with crossbow receives death threats = To kid who slew white hart, belabored by others: "Crass violence, die!"

(by Jason Lofts)

Exclusive: Evict the nuisance next door!

(The Daily Express)

Photo: noricum

Exclusive: Evict the nuisance next door! = Is next unethical ruse conceived to vex?

(by Robert Jordan)

Dog's destructive underwear fetish

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: Stuff.co.nz

Dog's destructive underwear fetish = Vet: Frustrated, so I chewed grundies*

*Grundies is Australian/NZ slang for underwear

(by Jason Lofts)

Dog's destructive underwear fetish = Fetching drawers! Rue to us divested

(by Robert Jordan)

Saturday, October 25, 2014

'An alien has grown in my bottle of vinegar!' Mum makes horror discovery of creature

(The Daily Express)

Photo: Ryan

'An alien has grown in my bottle of vinegar!' Mum makes horror discovery of creature = None worry ok, over a genus of live bacteria, in truth, forming a harmless mycoderma

(by Robert Jordan)

Friday, October 24, 2014

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II joins social media age with 1st tweet

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II joins social media age with 1st tweet (CNN)

Photo: Science Museum London

Queen Elizabeth II posts her first tweet = Hope Twitter equalizes these fine Brits

(by Rosie Perera)

Cockerel given 'ASBO' and ordered to stop crowing

(The Daily Express)

Photo: Thomas Hawk

Cockerel given 'ASBO' and ordered to stop crowing = Cock a doodle do bring carping even rooster stew

(by Robert Jordan)

Feds chase criminal case against artist who marred rocks in national parks

(Denver Post)

Photo: ski.mohawk

The National Parks vandal Casey Nocket ("Creepy-Tings") = Cocky plan: ravage ten key landscapes, eh? No, it isn't art!

(by Rosie Perera)

Oscar Pistorius appears tense, confused after first night in jail, officials say

(New York Daily News)

Photo: Global Panorama

Prosecutors said Pistorius was a gun-loving, short-fused, jealous brute who chased Steenkamp on his stumps to the bathroom and blasted four times through the door when she wouldn't come out = Court sends once boastful, now subdued athlete to Kgosi Mampuru jail for outburst. Mean thugs who disapproved shout out, howl, threaten to rape him. He's now most scared. Oh, gosh, he's in distress!

(by Jason Lofts)