Five Ways to Reduce Crime

(MetroTrends)

Photo: Amanda Farah

Five Ways to Reduce Crime = CCTVs, i.e. four, were my idea

(by Robert Jordan)

Isis to introduce its own currency, the Islamic dinar

(The Guardian)

Photo: Omo Oodua

The Islamic dinar = Rich ISIL mandate

(by Julian Lofts)

Doctors Need to be Human

(Huffington Post)


Doctors Need to be Human = Manned robot tech so due

(by Robert Jordan)

'We've got a lot in common' World's TALLEST man and SHORTEST man meet for first time

(The Daily Express)


'We've got a lot in common' World's TALLEST man and SHORTEST man meet for first time = At that moment time came, smallest dwarf finds towering monster's lovelorn too

(by Maurice Goddard)

Bottoms up! Kim Kardashian bares her full derriere... while balancing a glass of champagne on her most famous asset

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Jenn and Tony

Bottoms up! Kim Kardashian bares her full derriere... while balancing a glass of champagne on her most famous asset = She flashes her famous hallmark whale of an ass in Paper. Big oiled bums (gammon buttocks) are in. Denigrators react.

(by Jason Lofts)

Profile: Myanmar President Thein Sein

(BBC)

Photo: Chan Mya Soe

President Thein Sein ~ inherited ineptness

(by Julian Lofts)

China's massive military machine goes on show

(CNN)

Photo: Caledomac

China's massive military machine goes on show = So, Commies show mighty arsenal? China is naive.

(by Maurice Goddard)

A cracking year for nuts

(The Daily Telegraph)


A cracking year for nuts = Ay, conks are fracturing

(by Robert Jordan)

Ex-SEAL Robert O'Neill reveals himself as shooter who killed Osama bin Laden

(Washington Post)


United States Navy SEAL Robert O'Neill = Trained to slay evilness. Rue no battle

(by Julian Lofts)

Barbra Streisand's mission to end heart disease in women

(Yahoo! News)


The heart diseases = Ah, see death, sister!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Police chase naked suspect, capture him in pants

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Magnus Buseth

Police chase naked suspect, capture him in pants = Panic? Panic's up as accused kept their helmets on

(by Robert Jordan)

'Human Barbie' Valeria Lukyanova Allegedly Attacked Outside Her Home

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Gafa Kassim

'Human Barbie' Valeria Lukyanova is allegedly attacked outside her home = A drama! A thin, gaunt dolly lookalike received abuse, hurt by male heavies

(by Jason Lofts)

Putin tops Forbes Most Powerful, beats Obama

(The New Zealand Herald)

Illustration: Valeriy Osipov

Vladimir Putin tops the Forbes Most Powerful List and beats Barack Obama = Fact: absolutist oppressor drafts evil mandate with aplomb - "Bomb Ukraine!"

(by Julian Lofts)

Things That Turn Writers Off

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Shira Gal

Things That Turn Writers Off = Worst effing rant this; truth!

(by Robert Jordan)

Scotland loses out as Japanese whisky named best in the world

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Anokarina

Scotland loses out as a Japanese whisky named best in the world = Suntory team beats all. Caledonians spew. What shoddiness. Joke!

(by Julian Lofts)

Obama Not 'Mopey' Over Republican Victories

(Sky News)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

Obama Not 'Mopey' Over Republican Victories = 'I embrace conservative popularity boom? NO!'

(by Maurice Goddard)

Republicans claim Senate majority, take control of Congress

(Fox News)

Photo: DonkeyHotey

Senate takeover by Republicans = Top: Barack severely beaten in US

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Richard Branson vows to take family to space despite crash of Virgin Galactic spaceship

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: National Transportation Safety Board

Richard Branson vows to take family to space despite crash of Virgin Galactic spaceship = Posh VIP's crackpot dream of being weightless is a fanatical catastrophic drive! Scary, no?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Melbourne Cup favourite Admire Rakti dies

(RT)

Photo: Grant Courtney

Horse Admire Rakti dies = Hero dies - it's dire karma

(by Julian Lofts)

Disney Princesses With Realistic Waistlines Look Utterly Fabulous

(Huffington Post)

Photo: BuzzFeed/Loryn Brantz/Walt Disney Studios

Disney Princesses With Realistic Waistlines Look Utterly Fabulous = Boy! Archetypes' silliest ultra-skinniest waists now feel ridiculous!

(by Maurice Goddard)