Woman Stabs Roommate for Refusing to Stop Listening to The Eagles

(Gawker)


South Carolina Woman Stabs Roommate for Refusing to Stop Listening to The Eagles = Wisest statement of gal: "'Hotel California'? Too gross! Shut up or I'm gonna be a monster."

(by Rosie Perera)

Who Is Running for President (and Who's Not)?

(The New York Times)


USA presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton = Rand Paul's chief ploy is "I'll rule the nation!"

(by Julian Lofts)

Book review: The Broken Road: From the Iron Gates to Mount Athos, by Patrick Leigh Fermor

(TeleRead)


"The Broken Road: From the Iron Gates to Mount Athos" by Patrick Leigh Fermor = Teen trekker's romp: A most forthright boy, he marched on foot into Bulgaria

(by Jason Lofts)

Are human head transplants coming soon?

(CNN)

Photo: Nata Luna Sans

Are human head transplants coming soon? = Ah, no! Gasp! Can result in a monster. Oh, damn!

(by Rosie Perera)

Dr. Fredric Brandt, 65, celebrity 'Baron of Botox' is dead

(The New York Times)

Photo: Wikimedia

Doctor Fredric Brandt, the celebrity 'Baron of Botox' is dead = Hobnobber Dr addicted to bacterial toxin for deft sorcery

(by Julian Lofts)

Meet Britain's ideal dog

(The Daily Express)

Photo: Daily Express

Meet Britain's ideal dog = I'm old, I bite Great Danes

(by Robert Jordan)

China family of seven drown in failed rescue

(BBC)

Photo: Malingering

China family of seven drown in failed rescue = Failure of life (chi). None can swim - very sad end

(by Julian Lofts)

Varoufakis resignation rumor denied by Greek Ministry of Finance

(MarketWatch)

Photo: EU Council Eurozone

Greek Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis = Keynesian maverick (a ruffian) is to resign?

(by Jason Lofts)

Bizarre Syndrome Makes Visitors to Jerusalem Go Crazy

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: jasonwain

Jerusalem syndrome = Er...Lord, my name Jesus!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

France divides the fashion world by banning skinny models

(The Daily Telegraph)


France moves to ban skinny fashion models = French invoke BMI; soon only damn fat asses!

(by Jason Lofts)

When cats go bad

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: Doug Wheller

When cats go bad = What can dogs be?

(by Robert Jordan)

Hundreds protest Islamic law in Australia

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Lynette

Hundreds in Islamic law protest = Halt pitiless racism Down Under!

"Reclaim Australia" movement = Ultra-Islamic area met venom

(by Jason Lofts)

Iran will honour nuclear deal if powers do likewise - Rouhani

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: World Economic Forum

Iran will honour nuclear deal if powers do likewise - Rouhani = Oh no, dear! I produce a nuke...Hell follows - I win war, I ruin Israel

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Classroom experiment goes painfully awry

(Daily Mail)


This classroom experiment goes painfully awry = On film: axe pulps teacher's genitals. Yow! "I'm sorry!"

(by Julian Lofts)

I nearly drowned in chocolate

(BBC)

Photo: Jennuine Captures

I nearly drowned in chocolate = Done concealed within a lorry

(by Robert Jordan)

Mark Lundy retrial: Shirt 'no place for wife's brain'

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: James Vaughan

Shirt 'no place for wife's brain' = When stain-proof fabric riles

(by Robert Jordan)

Hillary Clinton wiped email server clean

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Public.Resource.Org

Hillary Clinton has wiped email server clean = Hell! Rash! Revile cynical presidential woman

(by Julian Lofts)

Italian court acquits Knox and Sollecito of Kercher murder

(BBC)

Photo: Ninian Reid

"The knowledge of my innocence has given me strength in the darkest times of this ordeal," Amanda Knox said in a statement = "O, I am an attestant, one misdemeanant. After sex we evil sickos got high, strangled 'Ms Moody' and then knifed her in the neck."

(by Julian Lofts)

Alps crash: The pilots who immolated themselves and their passengers

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Diggita Italia

Pilot suicides ~ politicised us

(by Julian Lofts)

Top 10 Richest Soccer Players: Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo & Neymar Top List of Highest Paid Soccer Athletes in the World

(Latin Post)

Illustration: Charis Tsevis

Most paid soccer player in the world is Lionel Messi = Especially shrewd competitor's raised millions, no?

(by Jason Lofts)